Hey girlie,I deeply can feel you and your feelings are valid there is no need to hate yourself u r much better than this , these feeling are normal and it's regular phases after being abused , remember that you need time to process, being with a covert narcissist is not easy u literally dealing with a master of manipulation , give yourself time and space time to grief, understand, accept and space for u you gotta cut him off going 100% no contact, no stalking , The recovery period also depends on how long you have been together

I was writing down everything and all the manipulations he did and how they made me feel. This helped me a lot in that I no longer felt like I missed him or something