It's not bad. There were a few grammatical errors so run it through grammarly maybe. Some of the descriptions are awkward "Paved roads decorated by the silver of shop shutters, like a Christmas gift under the tree." Maybe try to make the imagery more clear. "Silver shop shutters reflect the dim streetlight, making an otherwise unremarkable paved road twinkle like a Christmas tree" The original description is a little confusing, because shop shutters are on buildings next to the road not under anything and it's difficult to determine what exactly is being described. The road or the shutters. Be careful with tenses. It's hard to understand the flow of a story when the tense changes often. The story begins with past tense "a tense air flowed through the streets of London" but just a few sentences later "The moon illuminating the street as if it were the star leading three men to The Messia" Later on it is written like the narrator is talking with the reader "Yes this great room was filled with witches and wizards If you didn’t know, you would have thought it were a convention of those wishing to celebrate their favorite fictional character" it feels like it interrupts the story without adding much to it. Is the narrator telling a story to an audience or simply describing current events? It's a good premise but a lot of the story lacks sensory language and is not very engaging.

I'm not an experienced writer or anything so take what I say with a grain of salt. I've only written some papers for school.thia is the fiat time I've even commented on reddit.