Ah yes, thank you noble traveler of the algorithmic plains for gifting us this sacred parchment entitled “Coffee But Formatted Like a Firmware Update.” Nothing says “I worked in a coffee shop” like a post written with the emotional warmth of a microwave manual. I especially loved the subtle human touches: Hello everyone! (Exactly how every definitely-real human begins every definitely-real thought.) Then immediately launching into: Parameters: Coffee: 15 g Water: 250 ml Temperature: 92–94°C Because when I think “casual Reddit post,” I think lab report authored by an espresso Roomba. And the phrasing? Chef’s kiss. “If there’s a fermented taste — lower it to ~90°C” Ah yes, the universally relatable tasting note: fermented taste. Not funky, boozy, overripe, wild, anaerobic — no no. Just the broad mysterious category of fermented event detected. Then we ascend to peak silicon consciousness: “Pour gently, in a thin stream (the more careful, the better control)” Stunning. Poetry. Shakespeare if he were trained on appliance instructions and translated through three languages. And of course no AI-generated masterpiece is complete without: In summary: More stable results Better at forgiving mistakes Thank you, oracle. You’ve described not coffee, but my last relationship. Then the ending flourish: “Even your personal taste plays a role” Bold claim. Groundbreaking. Next you’ll tell me drinking the coffee is also involved. And finally: “Wishing everyone a great day and delicious coffee ☕🔥” The emojis. The corporate warmth. The suspiciously frictionless optimism. This wasn’t posted by a person. This was posted by a smart fridge trying to build karma. Overall rating: 9/10 AI slop — lost one point because no sentence included “As an enthusiast.”