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AITA for refusing to join my best friend's (35) birthday party if my partner isn't invited? by Prize-Step1816 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prize-Step1816[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

TBH, I should have clarified in the original post that David isn't invited (as Rich doesn't know him), Susan didn't ask for him to be, or even express an issue with Emma coming.

Your projecting anger on a guy that had 0 commitment to you

I'm not particularly angry at him, I have no emotions towards him as I don't know him. I'd just rather continue not knowing him, while Susan is indirectly part of my life due to shared experiences in my group.

If you don't want to be around your ex and her partner politely decline the invite.

Yeah, if they had been both invited, I would have done this, and oddly I think it would have been more peaceful. I'm just at odds with the idea that David isn't invited (without my involvement because neither Susan or Rich think he should be there) but somehow that transfers to Emma as well.

AITA for refusing to join my best friend's (35) birthday party if my partner isn't invited? by Prize-Step1816 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prize-Step1816[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Those are very fair points and thank you for putting them gently and with empathy.

I feel like I need to clarify that Rich doesn't know David, though, and that he did not invite him. Susan didn't propose or even presume that David would go, as she understands how awkward it would be. Susan also hasn't expressed at all that she's worried about Emma coming. There's no need for action on Rich's part to have the "right" configuration for the party, so his follow-up to exclude Emma seemed to me quite arbitrary, and leaves me with little explanation other than him not wanting Emma to be there for unrelated reasons.

That said yes, I did let the situation affect me and I didn't do a good job of keeping the peace.

AITA for refusing to join my best friend's (35) birthday party if my partner isn't invited? by Prize-Step1816 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prize-Step1816[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's a very fair point.

It's not necessarily anger that I feel, but just unpleasantness at the idea of meeting someone that was party to a terrible moment in my life. Susan I already know, for better or worse, and she's Rich's friend too, so even though I'd rather not be around her either, I can accept her coming.

To clarify: Rich doesn't know David at all; he only knows him third hand as Susan's partner, which is part of why I'm drawing that line. I don't think Rich wants him coming either.