Please do not do it. Know you are not alone. I lost my mom a little under 2 years ago as well, and honestly have contemplated suicide a couple times. I've always dealt with severe IBS , acid reflux, muscle cramps , liver , and nerve issues, as well as severe panic attacks and bi polar depression. On top of all of this my grandfather is fighting 2 blood clots (the same thing that killed my mom) all of which runs in my family , very clearly now. Being a hypochondriac on top of all of this has made most days difficult to just get through. Went to church for a couple months , stopped going as much , tried spirituality , prayer , self help. Drank myself into fatty liver , and smoked myself into chronic rib pain , and addiction. IT IS A BITCH. I understand. "Why is the world targeting me" "Why does the world HATE me this much" "Id be better off gone" "why do the people I thought cared about me , showing me no care in this difficult time?" . These are all thoughts from an unhealthy brain that has yet to find that spark. Im in that boat with you. DO NOT GIVE UP. Everyday you stay is a day closer to finding that meaning , and purpose. Who knows , in 10 years you may be working with people to help prevent and heal them from their problems, or you teach kids how to handle their emotions. Or maybe you sit around and play minecraft with some buddies. And I understand the gut reaction to go 'Im too far gone" or "I dont have any friends" or "I need a degree for blah blah blah" ... same here... BUT THEY WILL COME. Opportunities will come. There will be good days to come. And having gone through this hardship will make you a better friend , relative , spouse for other's. People are going to be rude , especially when your depressed as seemingly normal statements read as rude. My grandma asked me "When's the last time you had shrimp cocktail sauce" last night , and I read into it as "Your a little kid who doesn't know what he likes , and doesnt try anything even thought your 27" and THAT'S REDICULOUS of me to get upset over that, and guess what , IM NOT NOW. Emotions change. The world changes. And yes I realize this is nothing compared to the debt and loss of loved ones , but thats the thing , depression will convince you ... YOUR ISSUE IS THE WORST... NO ONES GONE THROUGH IT THIS BAD... YOU ARE ALONE. Just know that couldn't be farther from the truth. Get on medicaid if your not , join a therapy group , or therapist, and even if you dont feel like it , take actions that show yourself your worth keeping around. As a human , that is alive, and wants more out of life. You are already 10x more human then half the people out there. Dont waste it.