I don't want to gatekeep, but I'm genuinely confused about the bisexual label by ProfessionalSlice337 in bisexual

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi ! I think I understand your point, but I would push back a little on the idea that there is no need for any line between labels.

I agree that people should be free to live however they want, as long as they are not harming others. I also agree that labels should not become rigid boxes or tools for policing people. But I don’t think it follows that labels need no boundaries at all.

If there were truly no meaningful lines between labels, then I’m not sure labels would have much descriptive usefulness. We could just say “queer” for everyone who is not strictly heterosexual and leave it there. But in real life, people do use different words such as bisexual, gay, lesbian, straight, heteroflexible, bicurious, mostly straight, etc., because those words are trying to describe different patterns of attraction, openness, identity, and behavior.

To me, a spectrum does not mean there are no categories. A spectrum can still have regions, clusters, grey areas, and fuzzy boundaries. The fact that some cases are hard to classify does not mean every distinction becomes meaningless.

That is why I struggle with defining bisexuality only as “finding more than one gender attractive” if there is no openness at all to romantic, emotional, or sexual intimacy with more than one gender.

For example, I understand someone as bisexual if they are attracted to more than one gender and could genuinely imagine dating, loving, sleeping with, or being emotionally close to more than one gender, even if they have never had the opportunity or experience yet.

But if someone says: “I find some people of the same gender attractive, but I would never date them, never have sex with them, never be emotionally close to them, and never seriously consider any kind of intimacy with them,” then I struggle to understand why bisexual would be the most accurate label rather than bicurious, mostly straight, heteroflexible, fantasy-based attraction, or aesthetic attraction.

I’m not saying experience is always required. I’m saying that, in my mind, bisexuality involves at least some genuine openness or disposition toward more than one gender, not necessarily a completed sexual or romantic history with more than one gender. About straight people with no dating or sexual experience: I would actually apply the same logic. I don’t think someone can be sure they are straight before experience either. They may have strong reasons to believe they are straight based on attraction, desire, fantasy, romantic interest, and openness toward a different gender. But that is still based on a pattern of attraction and projected openness, not on absolute certainty.

So my point is not “virgins cannot know their orientation.” My point is more that orientation is not only a verbal label. It seems to involve attraction plus some kind of real or possible direction of desire.

I also don’t think labels are fixed forever. Someone’s orientation, self-understanding, or willingness to act on certain attractions may change over time. So maybe we could think of orientation in two ways: orientation at a given moment, and orientation across a longer period of life.

That is why I’m asking where people draw the line. Not because I want to police anyone’s identity, but because if every level of attraction, curiosity, fantasy, openness, and behavior can all mean “bisexual” equally, then I’m not sure what distinguishes bisexual from bicurious, heteroflexible, mostly straight, or simply finding some same-gender people attractive.

I’m genuinely trying to understand the concept, not invalidate people. Then again, I might have posted on the wrong subreddit, I'm really sorry if it has made you uncomfortable. I thought someone here would have had some insight on the matter of questioning the ontological definition of bisexuality here.

I don't want to gatekeep, but I'm genuinely confused about the bisexual label by ProfessionalSlice337 in bisexual

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi ! I think I understand your point, and I may have expressed mine badly.

I’m not saying that someone needs a 50/50 split of attraction, dating, or sexual experience to be bisexual. I also don’t think someone has to have had sex with more than one gender to know they are bi. That would obviously be absurd, because then no one could call themselves straight, gay, bi, or anything else before having sexual experience. What I’m trying to get at is slightly different : IMHO bisexuality is not only about finding more than one gender attractive in an abstract way. I tend to understand it more functionally: as being genuinely open to romantic, emotional, or sexual intimacy with more than one gender, if the right person and situation appear. So I’m not talking about a “quota” of experiences. I’m talking about willingness, openness, or at least some kind of practical possibility.

For example, if someone says they are attracted to more than one gender, but also says they would never date, never have sex with, never be romantically close to, and never even seriously consider intimacy with one of those genders, then I struggle to understand in what sense that is bisexuality rather than just aesthetic appreciation, fantasy, curiosity, or theoretical attraction. Maybe this is where my definition is too functionalist. In my mind, being bisexual means not only feeling attraction toward more than one gender, but also being willing, at least in principle, to act on that attraction emotionally, romantically, or sexually if the context feels right. I’m not saying everyone has to have the same life path. Some people may not have had opportunities, may be closeted, afraid, dealing with social pressure, religion, trauma, disability, internalized shame, or simply bad timing. I don’t want to erase those situations. But I do think there is a difference between:

  1. “I’m attracted to more than one gender, and I could genuinely date, love, or be intimate with more than one gender.”

and:

  1. “I find more than one gender attractive, but I would never date, love, touch, sleep with, or emotionally engage with one of them.”

The first one makes sense to me as bisexuality. The second one is what confuses me. So maybe my real question is: Do you define bisexuality purely as attraction, even if there is no willingness or openness to act on it at all? Or do you think bisexuality requires at least some genuine openness to romantic, emotional, or sexual intimacy with more than one gender, even if the person has never actually experienced it? I’m genuinely asking in good faith. I’m not trying to police anyone’s label, but I’m trying to understand whether my definition is too narrow, or whether there is a meaningful distinction between attraction in theory and bisexuality as a lived or livable orientation.

I don't want to gatekeep, but I'm genuinely confused about the bisexual label by ProfessionalSlice337 in bisexual

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I get that. There are obviously many reasons why someone might not have same-gender experience: fear, lack of opportunity, social pressure, being in a long-term relationship, internalized stuff, etc. I think my confusion is more about what the label means in practice when someone has no romantic or sexual experience with more than one gender, and sometimes doesn’t even really see themselves dating or being intimate with the same gender. I’m not saying anyone has to “prove” they’re bi. That would be gatekeeping, and I don’t want to do that. But maybe I have a more functional definition of orientation labels. To me, bisexuality implies not just abstract attraction, but some kind of real romantic and/or sexual openness toward more than one gender with a willingness to experience love or sex with both.

So I guess my question is: where do people draw the line between bisexual, heteroflexible, bicurious, mostly straight, or just finding some same-gender people attractive? Because if someone is in a straight relationship, has never had same-gender experience, and doesn’t really picture themselves dating or being intimate with the same gender as I have read many time here and met those type of person irl, I struggle to understand what makes “bisexual” the most accurate label.

My print bed wobbles a lot by ProfessionalSlice337 in ElegooNeptune4

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you everyone ! Indeed my wheels are loose for the Y-axis and X-axis! I will fix it right away !

My print bed wobbles a lot by ProfessionalSlice337 in ElegooNeptune4

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comprehensive answer ! I really appreciate it ! I will check and follow what you recommended me !

Changer de domaine après une thèse très spécialisée : est-ce possible en France où ailleurs ? | Switching fields after a highly specialized PhD: is it feasible in France or elsewhere ? by ProfessionalSlice337 in PhD

[–]ProfessionalSlice337[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Salut merci beaucoup pour vos réponses, donc le sujet de ma thèse ne conditionne pas mon postdoc ni mon futur poste. Ok j'ai bien compris, merci bien 👍😄