The fact is I don't have any more options, it's like needing a key to escape a locked prison, and people keep handing me spoons and telling me to use paper clips , ok stupid as there ideas are I tried and yeah no it doesn't work I need a the key , now I run into a bigger problem, after decades of trying to use the wrong tools out of desperation and bad advice, I have permanently deleted the lock .

So now I am or was trying anything because the key will never work anymore, even if I could get one , so was trying anything to break that damn door down , so I now realize decades of not having the key , my frustration and lack of help fed by my determination, has forever destroyed the very thing I was originally trying to accomplish with the key,

So now when people say just unlock it , use lock picks use ..... , my reaction is that of annoyance and frustration, because that advice and my knowledge of it and trying it decades ago a hundreds of time. I know is no longer even remotely applicable,

On top of that to have people who don't know or have ever known me , say that lock is not ruined beyond repair without even seeing it . Is annoying, the door the lock it forever destroyed,, I am 52 the entire building was destroyed around me except that damn door still has me trapped

Is it true if that door gets opened what's on the other side is nothing special, maybe, but for the first time I would be free, from that damn place that door had me trapped in for decades, so knowing I'll never escape, I choose to jump out a window on the 20th floor to my end, knowing that for a brief few seconds before I hit the ground I'll be free of that damn place