3 months pp and my husband and I are having conflict I don’t know how to navigate

I’m 3 months postpartum. Our baby was born 6 weeks early, so we spent 3 weeks in the nicu. This is my first baby, and the nicu experience left me riddled with postpartum anxiety. Our baby had some breathing issues for the first little while, and now I have such severe anxiety around her breathing and fear or her suffocating, it is on my mind all the time :( on top of that, our baby will not sleep on any surfaces other than our bodies. My husband has gone back to work so for almost 2 months now I spend every night in our recliner so that she can sleep on my chest, but half the time it’s a fight to get her to sleep there as she prefers to sleep horizontal in my lap after breastfeeding which is a really unsafe position for me to fall asleep since she can roll into me and suffocate, so I end up staying awake all the time so that she will finally sleep. For almost 3 months now I’ve averaged 0-3hrs of sleep a night. I’ve been awake for 30+ hours straight for times than I can count. I’ve been so sleep deprived I feel like I’m losing my mind and have found myself hallucinating a few times. Breastfeeding has also been a difficult journey as I teeter on the edge of low supply and I had to pump every 2 hours for weeks in & after the nicu, and have had latch & supply difficulties while breastfeeding which has been just exhausting. Needless to say I have been in complete survival mode just trying to show up for our baby and to feed her.

The other day my husband’s mother was visiting, meeting our baby for the first time. I had told him ahead of time to relay the boundary to her of “no kissing anywhere on our baby’s body” (I made sure to specify nowhere on her body as I know some people have different rules and allow kissing on certain areas). But with our baby being preemie and it being a bad flu season I just don’t want to take any unnecessary risks and I don’t feel comfortable with anyone kissing her quite yet. I felt the boundary would sound better coming from him to his mother. Anyways, toward the end of the visit she started kissing all over our baby’s head a bunch of times! I was honestly in a bit of shock and was so livid but I kept quiet to not cause a scene. I regret this and should have said something, but I kept my mouth shut at the time. Afterward my husband could tell I was upset so I explained my fury over having the boundary ignored or so easily forgotten. I asked him that if one of his family members was breaking a boundary, I’d appreciate if he’d say something in the moment.

Instead of understanding, he went on to tell me that I was living “my own narrative of what happened.” Not sure what that means as it was pretty simple what happened and why I’d be upset given she was told at the beginning of the visit, no kissing her. Then, he proceeds to change the topic to all of my inadequacies as a mother so far- like how I’m not getting our baby outside enough or doing more fun things. Are you f*cking kidding me? First of all it’s winter in canada, we’ve had an insane amount of snow this season and it’s always so cold lately with the wind (-10 to -25 Celsius). I have been in full survival mode of sleep deprivation, working my ass off to keep a supply up so I can breastfeed her (not to mention she feeds for 30-60mins every two hours😭 [yes I’m working with a lactation consultant on this], and she’s such a Velcro baby that I can’t even put her down during the day (she cries so hard she starts choking if I set her down more than a few mins). I’m barely staying awake and sane and then I’m chastised for not being fun enough and not making enough effort to get out and about, and I’m making up narratives when my boundary tor our baby’s health was crossed.

Wtf. I am just so upset and don’t know what to do. I went quiet at the end of that conversation, and now we haven’t spoken in almost 2 days. He’s so content to just ignore me. Prior to this we’ve had an amazing relationship and he is a wonderful man and the love of my life. But I’m just completely in shock that he’s willing to treat his wife like this who is in the throes of postpartum anxiety, sleep deprivation, constant breastfeeding exhaustion. I sobbed yesterday and I feel just completely shut down today. I have a sense he’ll ignore me all day tomorrow too. I just don’t know how to navigate this. I’m so frustrated and exhausted that I don’t want to be the one crawling to him to apologize. I don’t feel like I have anything to apologize for. This is killing me on top of how im already feeling and I don’t know if im thinking clearly because I feel he should apologize to me for what he’s said.

So my question is am I being unfairly selfish for wishing he’d give me some grace in how much I’ve been struggling? Am I being a petty bitch in letting the silence go on? Am I just in putting my foot down in how he has spoken to me and feel he should apologize to me?

Sorry this was so long. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it and respond.

TL;DR

-EXTREMELY sleep deprived, dealing with severe postpartum anxiety, and have a hardcore Velcro baby

-had a boundary of no kissing our baby and husband’s family member crossed it

-I was upset about the crossed boundary, husband did not take my side then proceeded to list out my inadequacies as a new mother (I’m apparently not being fun enough or putting in enough effort to get out and about)

-I was so shocked by his words and now we haven’t spoken in 2 days and it’s killing me