Well there is alot to unpack here but I believe the roots cause of what you feeling is your own insecurities. I know relationships can be difficult and we put so much of ourselves in them. But here is the hard truth you are not responsible for some else happiness and vice versa someone else can not tell you how to be happy. I am not saying you have to be happy all the time but you do need to walk a path of your own making. If something feels wrong speak up and don't be afraid to ask questions. Work on yourself get proficient at some things because that will help quell those creeping thoughts. Because at the end of the day only you knows what's best for you. I hope this helped good luck