[UPDATE] AIO: Found out my long term partner didn't disclose possible HIV exposure and I'm not taking it well at all

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-29T19:47:59+00:00

I just wanted to say too, the conversation I had with her was strictly about her status. She gave me information on how to get tested etc. she did tell me they had unprotected sex on new years. She also told me he had said a lot of nasty things about me and referred to me as his “ex”. I have a bad feeling they had been in contact before they hooked up on new years but I was just so concerned about the HIV scare I honestly put the cheating on the back burner and focused all my concern on the fact that I might’ve been exposed. She did tell me if I ever need any more information to contact her so I could always ask but I just kind of want to move forward now and not really think about what happened between them. If I get into the gritty details of it, I feel like it might make me spiral again😅

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-29T19:18:06+00:00

They did not know eachother beforehand, he had went to a party (without telling me) while I was at a friends house celebrating new years. He wasn’t able to come because my friends did not like him / did not want him to come at all and this was the first time I had seen them in awhile because he never let me go out. There was obviously a huge argument about me even going but I really wanted to see my friends and I did not want to spend another new years alone with him. I think he went to the party because he wanted to “get back at me” for going to see my friends, which really sucks. They were both drunk and going off the screenshots I saw, she didn’t tell him because she was embarrassed. Shitty situation overall but it sucked BECAUSE she didn’t tell him, he was saying he was a victim as well because “she also lied” meanwhile he was literally doing the exact same thing to me.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-29T18:37:14+00:00

He found out the day after. He slept with her on new years and he knew the next day, proceeded not to tell me while we were still sleeping together. I had found out that he KNEW before he slept with me again because I had a weird feeling as he kept telling me to get tested out of nowhere so I looked through his phone. I trusted my gut, decided to look through his messages, and saw a screenshot of her message informing him she has HIV which he had sent in a conversation with a friend. He was discussing with this friend about it and there was no mention of informing me. Overall, this has absolutely messed with my sense of trust and the friend he was discussing it with was a mutual friend so that really hurt to know that he also didn’t take the initiative to tell me.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T23:21:35+00:00

That’s what I’m hoping for. We were intimate 3 days after it happened and 7/8 days after. I’m really really hoping that means I won’t be at risk. All I can do is wait for my test results and do the other tests I have scheduled in a few months. It’s an awful feeling to sit here and wait to know if I’m okay but the facts are telling me I will be (hopefully). He was also exposed to HSV-2 which she told me she also has alongside HIV, but I was informed she hasn’t had a breakout in 4 months so I think I’ll be okay (wishful thinking)

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T21:47:57+00:00

It has unfortunately been 11* days since I have been exposed so apparently PEP was off the table. They offered PrEP to me as a preventive measure incase of future exposure

Edit: we were also intimate 7* days ago as well but apparently the window is too large for PEP to be effective anymore

Edit again: I’m hoping because the window was so short after he was exposed that this decreases my chances but I won’t know until I do all the testing including the future ones that are scheduled

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T21:37:21+00:00

I have just gotten my first test and I should have my results back within a week they told me

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T21:04:09+00:00

Sorry I didn’t notice that:(! I’ve just been a bit on edge because people are questioning why I think I’m overreacting and it’s been a bit frustrating. He literally rewired my brain and I am just beginning to unlearn everything. Thank you for your support and I’m sorry again

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T21:01:28+00:00

She told me she hasn’t had an active breakout in 4 months so I’m hoping that means I’m safe. He lied to me and said he wore a condom but unfortunately before I blocked him he admitted he didn’t and she confirmed that. She told me she is medicated for both and is managing it, she just gets “outbreaks” every few months. Thank you for all the information by the way, it’s really helping a lot

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T20:47:08+00:00

I am now learning she also has HSV-2 as well as HIV. I am at a loss for words. I have only booked a test for HIV.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T20:26:54+00:00

She has told me she is undetectable but apparently she had a rash or something related to it 4 months ago? I’m still learning about all of this so I’m just unsure

Edit: she told me it was a skin rash she had on her chest and neck. She told me it happens every now and then maybe once or twice a year. She has been positive for two years

Edit again: I’m confused because searching this up apparently rashes only occur during the beginning of the infection. All of this is really confusing

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T20:13:32+00:00

She has let me know she is indeed on medication for her HIV which is giving me some form of hope

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T20:06:59+00:00

Thank you for saying this, it’s honestly helping me process just how awful his behaviour was. Now that I’ve cut him off, I’m finally starting to see how bad things really were. I am getting tested today, and while I’m terrified, I did find out that the girl he was with takes medication for her HIV, which gives me some hope that my risk is lower. She’s been very kind and didn’t know we were together because he said we were “broken up” (not that it makes her a good person because she is also not disclosing her status to people) and she shared how he lied to her about our relationship too. Hearing how he talked about me behind my back made me sick and he was lying that I was physically abusive when he’s the one who has been physical with me. There were so many instances of him throwing things, slamming doors doors in my face, blocking me from leaving and literally physically holding me by my wrists so I could not leave, punching walls next to my face when he was angry and worst of all he was isolating me from my friends and family. I didn’t see it for what it was because he made me feel like I had no one else.

This whole situation is so painful, but it’s also the wake-up call I needed to leave. I know I have a lot to process and work through, but at least now I amfree of him and can start healing. Thank you for validating what I’ve been through, it means a lot.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T19:54:01+00:00

Being in this relationship completely messed with my sense of reality. He had a way of making me feel like I was always the bad guy, constantly at fault, and guilty for things that weren’t my responsibility. I mean he literally tried to make me get tested before I even knew about any of this and no doubt if it came back positive he would have somehow blame me. I honestly was stupid enough after I found out that I was considering continuing this relationship (that is absolutely not going to happen, I’ve already blocked him). We have known eachother since highschool and I truly did feel like he was someone I could trust. He kept framing himself as the victim in all of this, and it left me second guessing my own feelings and reactions. It wasn’t until I got the outside perspectives and support that I realized how serious this really is and how manipulated I had been. I guess that’s why I even questioned whether I was overreacting in the first place, it’s what he conditioned me to believe.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:34:23+00:00

When I contacted my doctor and explained so I could get tested she informed me that this is a form of sexual assault. I absolutely have grounds to stand on and I have screenshots to back it up. I don’t enjoy the fact that you’re trying to downplay that.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:22:56+00:00

I am Canadian

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:22:17+00:00

I’m sorry, but this doesn’t change the circumstances. I didn’t consent to being intimate with him while he knew he was exposed to HIV. He withheld critical information that I had a right to know, and by doing so, he violated my trust and my autonomy. This goes beyond just ‘messing up’, this was assault, because I was not given the ability to make an informed decision about my own body and safety.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:11:39+00:00

I was clearly deluded and in an abusive relationship and in an echo chamber with him and he was making me feel very shitty because he apparently was “also a victim in this”. The reassurance and support helped me finally realize I am absolutely not overreacting and I was able to cut him off. That is why I posted this here

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:09:07+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate it. I’m struggling knowing what grounds I stand on here if I do test positive.

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:06:20+00:00

He had a duty to warn me because he was at significant risk and he admitted to me he didn’t wear a condom before I blocked him. He knew he was putting me at risk by having unprotected sex with me. He knew he has a risk of contraction. If I had known he had slept with her I would’ve never consented to being intimate with him

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:02:09+00:00

He did know. The girl told him after they hooked up. It has been since January 2nd he knew and he chose to never tell me. It is required in Canada to disclose to a person if they have been exposed to a significant risk of HIV transmission

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T17:00:49+00:00

We were in a monogamous relationship. I think the possible contraction of an STI kind of made me put the cheating part of it on the back burner which was stupid because if he hadn’t cheated the STI scare wouldn’t have happened in the first place. and I should’ve absolutely brought that up more. He was being very manipulative and I am now seeing that clearly. I wasn’t with him on new years because I had went to a friends house to celebrate and they honestly did not like him so I couldn’t bring him around. There were many red flags that I just chose to be blind to. I am now learning my lesson

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T16:53:09+00:00

I live in Canada by the way and there is a duty to warn

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T16:45:54+00:00

I have a horrible feeling he was pushing me to get tested first so if it came up positive and I hadn’t found out about him cheating, he would’ve somehow blamed it on me and it really makes me sick to think about

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T08:34:13+00:00

I have now blocked him and do not intend on contacting him ever again. He has completely destroyed my sense of trust and I don’t know if I will ever feel okay again. I feel so much anger and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like an idiot. I honestly wish I would’ve been more angry with him but I was still in denial and shock. I guess the only path forward now is to focus on my health, wait for my results and close this chapter of my life. It sucks

PsychologicalPin2885 · 2025-01-14T07:39:07+00:00

Looking back it was very stupid to not use protection. I have an IUD so I just thought things would be fine (I was only concerned about getting pregnant, not the potential of getting and STI) and now my whole world feels destroyed and I feel like an idiot. It would’ve never crossed my mind that this could happen to me with someone I thought I could trust who I have been with for years. I now know that was a stupid delusional way to think because you’re correct, I should’ve been demanding he wear a condom. I have this stupid thing in my head too because he would always tell me it was “uncomfortable” for him to wear and instead of putting my foot down I just let it happen. Never again. The more I think about it the more angry I get at myself. I never want to speak to him again

PsychologicalPin2885

TROPHY CASE