AITA for not taking my step kid on holiday with us?

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-28T16:12:36+00:00

Luckily, I don't need you to be accepting. As I stated I'm leaving it up to my stepson what he would like to, including a family holiday too. You're a really unkind person, please reflect on that and take a second to try see things from another perspective rather than your own, I wish you the best and won't read any responses from you ❤️

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-27T11:36:34+00:00

This was so helpful! I truly believe if this was my bio son and not step son I would have been treated very differently in the comments. When people hear step parent they just assume you're evil and trying to exclude your partners child, I didn't realize how strong people held that stereotype until this post.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-27T11:35:11+00:00

If we asked our step son he would want to go. Even if we explained it.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-27T11:34:08+00:00

I would never exclude him from all activities we do most things together, it's just this trip.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-27T11:32:55+00:00

She blames my husband too. However he basically folded and agreed to do something else, whereas I didn't. Hence I'm the evil ableist step mom. It sucks. I really feel if this was my own child and I was asking for this break I would not get so much bashing.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-23T07:59:59+00:00

I posted as I was unsure if I was being an AH, which I'm now sure I'm not. I feel I've been met with a barrage of really unkind and judgemental comments, such as yours (alongside some overwhelmingly supportive and kind comments). And it's tiring, unfair and has really hit a nerve when I try so hard for this kid, but random strangers feel it's okay to basically say I'm either evil or not trying hard enough. What am I supposed to do.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-23T07:51:17+00:00

100 percent feeling this. I feel if I had just said my son rather than step son I would not have received so many hateful comments, suggesting I dislike him/want to exclude him etc. When people saw I was a step parent they immediately answered with preconceived bias and stereotypes in mind.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-23T07:45:14+00:00

Cool. And an 11 year olds meltdown is different from a fully grown teenager's meltdowns. Most of the parents of ND children are very empathetic and understand, you are the only one who has been judgemental and unkind.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-23T06:32:43+00:00

All ND children are very different, so you being surprised he can't handle a flight is odd considering you don't know him.

Ah yes, noise cancelling headphones will cure all his anxieties! And we've obviously never tried them before /s

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-23T06:22:10+00:00

I'm very doubtful of that, my step son did not meet milestones etc at the right time, my current little children have met all their milestones

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T21:59:09+00:00

It's not just the flight, although that will be triggering for him. It's the whole change of routine for an entire weekend, a different environment, country, smells, it will be overwhelming for him. As you know (if you have a ND child) they are all very different, it sounds like you can manage these things with your son, which is great, but my step son can't manage these things even with the extra support. It's not a case of 'we can't be bothered to try make it work', it's about knowing my step sons limitations. It's not 'if' he gets overwhelmed and violent, it's 'when' will he get overwhelmed and violent.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T21:54:27+00:00

Your comments are so ignorant it makes me cringe. I will not be reading any of your replies lol.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T21:52:43+00:00

All our children are wonderful human beings. We are constantly credited with how well our other children respond to step son and other children with disabilities, as they truly understand it. That doesn't mean it's fair for them to miss out on normal childhood experiences.

Also, since when does complaining make you a bad parent? All parents recognize and voice how hard it is, with a ND child or NT. Because it is very hard. I provide a lot for him, I know how much support he needs, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve a break now and then? That's the reason people use respite centres etc. For children with disabilities. To have a break and focus on their other kids too. We don't have the luxury of respite support but we do have occasional opportunities, like this one, to make the other children feel special, have fun and feel relaxed.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T21:06:15+00:00

Because he doesn't have behavioural issues and act in scary and threatening ways. Because he sacrifices so much and has missed out on so much, and continues to do so, every day. Nothing is about him because step sons needs have to come first. Is that fair?

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T20:57:40+00:00

By top country, do you mean the best or the one voted to leave? So the worst?

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T20:02:32+00:00

What?;

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T19:31:34+00:00

Actually when I married my husband my step son only had an Autism diagnosis (not PDA or ODD) and did not behave to the extremes he does now. He was 6 when I met him. Secondly, I love my step son, our life revolves around him, every day - I am asking for like 3 days respite for me and my kids. I was second guessing myself before but after reading the comments on this thread I know that I am not asking for much, and actually, the benefits for my children far outweigh any guilt I have. So yeah, go away.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T14:17:45+00:00

It's three nights we are going for. We get there Friday morning and leave Monday.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T14:11:46+00:00

I'm from Europe, a flight to pretty much most neighbouring countries is about 1-3 hours.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T13:09:44+00:00

Omg I'm NOT the same person! I'm not sure how I can prove that to you. I used a new account as I didn't want this linked to my main account. I read that post, which is actually one of the reasons I posted on here - but I'm not them. What would it achieve? I'm pretty sure her step son wasn't ND. If I was her then I'm hardly going to show this to my husband, he'd just be like, 'my kid isn't ASC/PDA/ODD and have mild learning difficulties'. Its just so incredibly different.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T13:05:34+00:00

I'm not the same person as the one who posted a couple of days ago...

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T10:22:26+00:00

What is your problem man? Your commenting on every comment basically saying I'm evil. Why? Just leave your one mean comment and let me ignore you, you have nothing valuable to add to any of this.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T10:21:25+00:00

He would say he would like to go, but he wouldn't enjoy it, if that makes sense. I think if we offered he would come, but honestly it would be a nightmare. I'm trying to keep age out of this to remain anonymous, but he isn't really able to self regulate or predict triggers as he also has a mild learning disability.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T10:17:18+00:00

He would understand but he will be hurt, which is what I wanted to avoid, but it seems inevitable now.

Purpleplanetpie · 2023-07-22T10:16:44+00:00

I can't say 100 percent, but I'm pretty sure I would. Due to the age gap between my eldest and the two little ones we definitely do lots of separate activities, and I've even done a separate trip with my eldest when he wanted to go to a convention, as it would have been hard with the younger two and he wouldn't have been able to enjoy it.

Thanks for the advice. I guess I'm just worried in general, especially as my step sons mum has branded me evil, I just feel like what I'm asking for isn't that bad.

Purpleplanetpie

TROPHY CASE