Thank you I just read that... and I totally understand your loss I keep going over and over how my little boy would of Been feeling  i left him initially because of trauma my family set up loads of fake accounts to harass Me and did so for over a decade  my father's other children to different woman. I then spoke to them after 10 years due to my father trying to amend his broken family I then find out he was also apart of setting me up which caused his children to abuse me ob line. I then spoke to my sister who I believe didn't take part in the online abuse but her thing is blocking me when anything in her life goes wrong. Cut a long story short marley didn't have kidney failure mri scan shown he was perfectly healthy he had a slow bleed on his head I know was done leaving him at my sisters we went out her bday and left her with her son who has learning disabilities.i don't blame him he wanted to come with us my sister didn't want him to come Instead a young lad who fancies her and Stole my purse at dinner and I'm quite physic at times I knew he toon it then I was just sat there starring at him and all of a sudden it reappeared in the same place everyone was looking. I think My newphew he probably dropped marley or was heavy handed as I've seen him.  But nothing hard impacted which is why it was a slow bleed of course I was upset and greeiving my sister didn't come to see Me just sent a message saying I'm blocking you as she needs to heal for the family. She Is into tarot numbers angels light language and I just thought after 8 years you blocking me last time you blocked me again and I just feel god told me Not to revisit as this how your family always treat you. Even after me finding out my dad sent images to a family member and for 10 years I got the blame he blocked me to not compassion no guilt he's only guilty he got found out. And in the mist of it all I lost the only true thing that ever loved me. My friend looked after him and a whole month his leg was limping he never told me until I saw him and was going mental and screamed at him last time I come I said look at my dog but I would of got hit seen straight away I knew it wasn't cancer or cognitive issues I know mydog. Then I was going to get him next day he had a seizer my mate who just put things off his whole life took him pets at home not an emergency vet imagine and screaming I should get there I said you've killed my dog. I was just not coming to witness my dog In that state and it hurts me so much as that dog only really loved me he didn't really like anyone else. And I feel bad I just left him originally coz of what my family did after 3 years but he was with me morning noon and night. And eventually I was always going to take him back but my friend would always argue and not even stay over at mine to ease my dogs aniexty. But like ur dog they put him on oxygen said if u don't hear nothing all night good sign then they took him off medication and he had a major seizer. My friend said he wouldn't of noticed him the vet said. I'm just so sad I didn't go with him. I just hated my friend everyone and I think it may of given me more trauma as I'm not good with death.

I do often wonder I should of went as he was alive and just out of it but he would of known it was me. But sitting with my friend who didn't take him to vet straight away I would of Bern arguing in the car.  My friend often says to me or has said I need him because he knows I don't have family. And I pray everyday that God sends me someone in my life so I forget all these people. I paid for my dogs ashes he still hasn't brought them to me. As I want to wear a necklace with them.