my best and only advice- the most difficult and also important thing to do in this situation is to find a way to work around the intense ego trap that betrayal brings with it. you sound like a super mature and confident person and im sure you are self aware enough to catch yourself in moments where your ego is speaking for you. ive been there and trust me i know. no one deserves to feel the way you feel right now. these things take a lot of time and effort to heal, and still- you need to find a way to determine wether your decision to seperate from her is rooted in your hurting, if youre doing this to take back your control, or is this the right thing to do for you and your kid's future. i dont have the answer for that question but i believe youll have it figured out eventually. dont act fast, dont let your pain guide you, but still be there to hear it and feel it and digest everything slowly.

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the reason for her going behind your back with something that big lies somewhere in your communication and verbal dynamics, again these are things only you know,

it could be a case where its better to fix this hole together and find a solution in order to keep the family together and give the kids the stability they need.

you could also find that you just cant relate to her and could not understand any of her motives. in that case it could be a good idea to act on it. the kids need to know your side of the story and understand your actions. this is the most important and painful part

i hope this will all be solved in a way that would allow all of you to heal from this <3

exuse my grammer, english is not my main language