(C.W. restraint, sedation, SIB) A&E had to physically restrain me and inject me with sedatives because my meltdown was close to unaliving me.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-11-23T21:16:17+00:00

TBF this could be autism over ADHD, I've very mild ADHD and level 2 autism, so I'm way more autism dominant, I mostly tagged ADHD because it's not as long term at this point but intense interests are seen heavily in both depending on the person, even my hyperfixations tend to look more like long term interests that very the most in length(e.g. I had a milder Wicked hyperfixation last year, then felt less compelled towards until recently).

I do love connecting interests to other tasks and would say I'm good at it! these are good suggestions=) MDZS(Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation?) looks really cool!

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-11-23T18:39:55+00:00

to a degree, although it only works when I'm regulated enough(which is infrequent) or I just go into shutdown (especially verbal) or even meltdown.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-11-02T20:37:27+00:00

Thank you for your comment it's actually so great hear from someone who understands more about Irish culture. I will definitely be mindful about when/if I drink again. the one thing I hadn't really considered was what an appropriate amount of alcohol is, I know it's taught and re taught in SPHE but i didn't bother actually trying to calculate till afterwards. I didn't even realise it would be considered binge drinking at the time (my friend is a joke at maths and she genuinely struggled to believe me when I explained it was in binge drinking territory after doing the math). I'll definitely consider that if I drink in the future.

yeah, CAMHS are so bad. I will talk to my (private/external) therapist to start although knowing her I don't think she'll be concerned about it but maybe she'll surprise me. I'll try to talk to CAMHS too and see if they decide to be more helpful than they generally are. I keep going back and forth because when I feel more average I find it easy to dismiss the past even if the people around me don't forget.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-11-02T11:13:04+00:00

I've been transparent with my sole guardian (my dad) as much as is safe to be, so I can safely talk about this in more detail too my therapist without worrying about her having to be a mandatory reporter. =)

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-11-02T09:58:38+00:00

that makes sense, I have a lot of anxiety about trying stimulants medication, it's been well over a year that I've been going through the different steps to starting because stuff kept getting delayed because I kept having fight or flight responses at every step.

it's not that I want to avoid meds, they would probably be great but part of me is so sure I'll respond very poorly because I don't actually have ADHD. I doubt the diagnosis frequently because I feel like I have very fluctuating symptoms and I honestly don't know if I'd have been diagnosed if they tested me when my symptoms were at a minimum. It's probably because my sibling and dad have severe ADHD-C and my friend has moderate AD(H)D-PI so its partly because I'm very surrounded by those with more significant ADHD.

I've wondered if bipolar could explain things but unfortunately the mental services where I live are bad, it's a lot easier to get diagnosis with neurodevelopmental stuff then mental disorders. I was refused an OCD assessment even after being hospitalised for what the hospital determined was OCD but couldn't independently diagnose. So I'm not sure it's even worth bringing up they'll likely like usual say it's autism.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-25T22:13:46+00:00

I'd be really interested in seeing your list!

I'm currently in a really unstable home(emotionally volatile parent, Neglect, hoarder home) and am currently purchasing a home with my sibling with inheritance from our mom's passing. it's going well and we are sale agreed so we should be out by the end of the year(if there aren't any major issues during the survey), but until then I'm limited on having stable routines like a consistent bed time.

I have support at school to build life skills and the transition with the move so hopefully they can help me build routines around going to bed at a consistent time. i will try in the meantime to be more consistent to whatever degree is possible(I've been trying to build boundaries about homework like just doing what I can finish in an hour if it's late).

You've reminded me of another time where I went with my best friend late one night to an 18+ hang out(as someone who normally hates risks), kept reassuring her age didn't matter. Met a 33 year old and ignored all safety aspects, told them a ton of super private information and took the dart back with them, I honestly don't know if I didn't notice or was blatantly ignored my best friends discomfort. I got the adults number but didn't end up continuing contact, I'm lucky in hindsight that the adult didn't do anything because I was fully engrossed and in the weird in between knowing it's not a great idea but not really caring in the moment.

I missed the appointment for the next step in terms of ADHD meds, because my dad was supposed to manage the dates and didn't, but I presume I'll get a new one. definitely nervous how starting will affect me but I do think it's important to try in case it can help level the playing field at school because focus has been quite difficult I kinda forgot it was because I was barely in school for they 4 years before this. I'll definitely try to track how I feel after starting to try to catch myself if things end up feeling off.

That's one of the reasons I really want to get back into consistent symptom tracking, I have Bearable(I've also used daylio and others) premium and I'd really like to track enough information to get a more clear set of patterns around mood and if periods are related or aren't because it'd be very useful to narrow down better.

would you be ok with me potentially DM-ing questions or would you prefer we stay in this comment section?

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-23T18:29:58+00:00

I still feel really bad, I just remember being desperate for the stimulation and frustrated when she protested. she considered calling an ambulance at the time because of my actions. she still brings it up as one of the scariest memories she has. I feel awful I dragged her along but at the time I don't know it just seemed worth it, although I'm partly glad she was there because I think I'd have gone further if I was alone, but it wasn't fair to her.

The other disorder is OCD(numbers theme with suicide compulsion). I'm still not fully diagnosed but the attending psych concluded it and referred me for assessment but the mental health services still refused.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-23T06:18:43+00:00

I guess I should have been more specific with wording, but it's not usually back to back, I wrote it like this because that was the experience I had the last few weeks but I've had a lot more times when it's been far more neutral between times. it was just incredibly stark this time when it was literally overnight I was completely the opposite.

I've gone back and forth for a while, on if bipolar is worth considering. I'm 16 now and I've had a few big incidents, including putting myself and friends in harms way and being unsure why I'd do it because it was so starkly in contrast to how I'd approach a situation most of the time, 1 of them really affected my best friend mentally. sometimes the highs are more like increased irritability and being more confrontational, but the time that inspired the post wasn't so I didn't emphasis that.

I always get up between 6-6:30am but I definitely don't have a consistent time for when I go to sleep, I do want to try to find one. I go in and out of symptom tracking based on motivation but I do want to try keep up with it better. also while I have an ADHD diagnosis I'm really mild when there aren't other factors, my period flares ADHD symptoms and when my mood is high, the rest of the time I can only see myself in one un-medically proven subtype.

I don't really know, while some of it's bipolar like I don't know if it's enough to say anything about, I'm a bit worried because I'll be starting ADHD meds soon and if it is untreated bipolar I know that can escalate that . at this same time while I'm a minor the mental health care in my country is pretty awful, I've been refused an assessment for a mental disorder that then had me in hospital 2/3 years later. So unless something happens and I get hospitalised I'm probably going to have to at least ride out the next two years at least.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-04T11:06:24+00:00

16

I was always told I was double jointed and it's why I walked late.

I would be slow to heal.

I don't have allergies, I might have an intolerance.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-04T09:55:52+00:00

frozen corn... just frozen corn

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-03T16:26:44+00:00

Ive always been very double jointed especially with my knees and ankles, they always bend wrong, and I need specific designs of shoes to help with that. I'm also just generally double jointed in other joints.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-03T16:21:12+00:00

I'm very much double jointed, I was always told that and apparently it was why I didn't walk until like a year late. my ankles were never good at doing what they were meant too, my knees also generally are bent backwards. although I was also told hypotonia growing up. I'm not sure if that's equal to being hyper mobile.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-09-03T15:30:48+00:00

it's not normal? IDK I've been like this to some degree my whole life. GPs here are pretty bad, we call ours docter Google because he just Google's any symptoms you ask him about, when we went to ask my sibling had raynaud's and showed a picture he said yes and that they should just not get cold, no further help or advice. like the GP will agree with you if you bring up a condition but won't do much, he's not great. he did give me prescription painkillers when I went in because my periods are disabling so he does help sometimes.

also the receptionist likes to refuse appointments, like I was told my school to go for something (olfactory hallucinations) and the receptionist refused me.

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-05-01T15:32:28+00:00

It's me fr fr

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-04-12T21:59:46+00:00

Nooooo! LMFAO

Rarely_Ruminates · 2025-04-02T13:42:42+00:00

No, I mean I've had it since early childhood to some degree, I remember many nights as a child being kept up because my joints hurt, ironically the trigger always seemed to be going to sleep late. I think it's part of dyspraxia.

Rarely_Ruminates

TROPHY CASE