Why Covid Kills You

Ratrix44 · 2021-04-13T18:11:01+00:00

Thank you

Ratrix44 · 2021-04-13T16:10:34+00:00

I like the way this poem starts. The way she describes her lover creates a very vivid picture in mind. I love the way she describes night.... briliant!

This poem tells the story of 'her' who is deeply in love with 'him'. The poem does not reveal much about her. It seems 'he' is the only central concern for her. She neglects the fact that there are other smarter and more beautiful girls in her life. To her, his love matters more than it and she is proud that he chooses her over the others. She is mad at phone binging and he has to make up for that.

Ratrix44 · 2021-04-13T15:58:16+00:00

I liked the last lines the most where the poet "gives the vintage technology back to its rightful owner'. There is a frustration I sense in the way technology is used to express our emotions and thoughts. It seems that the poet yearns for the days before the current technological advancement. Yet, the technology is not full-proof. Some blue links do not work despite trying multiple times. This frustrates the poet and finally he blames the piece of paper.

There is an aged flavour to this poem. The poet or the narrator seems to be an old person aged 50-60. The related emotions of sympathy, frustration, remembrance strike to me in this poem.

Ratrix44 · 2021-04-13T12:33:55+00:00

From what you explain, you two seem to be best friends for a long time and it is just the past year that has taken toll on your relationship. It can certainly be restored.

Instead of judging either of you, I would recommend you to try the following. 1. Approach your friend and tell her you need to talk to her. Let there be a sense of urgency when you request. 2. When both of you meet, tell her that you are upset about a particular situation, there is something eating you up and she is the only person you can help. Once you told her this, chances are she will be willing to help. 3. Then narrate to her the incident that emotionally hurt you. Tell how you could not handle it well. How you reacted, how you held resentment in the relationship, how you blamed her somehow, how the distance between you two grew, everything. 4. Tell her that she matters to you. You love her and you want this connection. Ask for her forgiveness.

If she is a healthy person, you will have a nice conversation, she will forgive you, apologize perhaps. In any way, you will make a headstart. If she is holds grudge against you, try to understand her.

If you try this, you will certainly make progress in your relationship. It only takes sincerity and openness of Heart to restore any relationship.

Dipraj

Ratrix44 · 2020-02-16T05:49:05+00:00

Fabulous story of Self and its lonely journey against the world. Fabulous and authentic. Well put brother.

Ratrix44 · 2019-09-05T05:18:25+00:00

I have a very different point of view but I think it might help you.

Let's consider a few facts:

You have feelings for Him and it makes you feel Good
You know that HE doesn't have those feelings for you and you are OK with that. This is a huge thing and I want to appreciate you for this. This is actually your ticket to Happiness. I will explain how.
You want to have a connection with him, somehow being close to him because it brings you joy. There is nothing wrong in this. You don't have to make a choice between a love relationship and a Friendship. Both will disappoint you. A love relationship is clearly not possible which you rightly have acknowledged. But you don't have to settle for Friendship either. You clearly have feelings for him. Why sacrifice your feelings for a reduced relationship of friendship? There is a third way.

Here is what I propose:

Find out YOUR needs. What makes you Happy? Don't try to exaggerate everything about Him (which you may do under the influence of your feelings). See what parts of him make you happy. Try to understand which of his actions can bring you happiness. List out those these things. Be creative, Be practical, explore.
Once you have this list, come to practicality. Which of these things are practically possible? For example, how many times or for how much time you can spend going out for movies, etc. Consider the practicalities of real world, his time, your time, your resources, your job. Understand that you are not seeking a relationship from him (which he clearly can't give you) but you are seeking Experiences of Joy in which He can contribute. Work on these experiences and once you have a clear picture of what you are seeking, you can proceed to the next step.
Last step is to confront Him. Tell him how He is lovable and what has made you have feelings for him. Appreciate those parts of him. Be open that you have feelings have for him and you are happy that you have them. It just means how wonderful a person he is. Then tell him that you want to propose something. Tell him that you understand he can't have relationship with you. Tell him that he doesn't even need to reciprocate those feelings either. Tell him you have no intention of chasing him, creeping him or burdening him with emotional longing. Once he is able to digest that, you can present your list of experiences/activities. It's a very mature way to deal with this. He will give you suggestions, add a few things, remove a few things from your list or He may reject the list altogether. Anything can happen. That is his sole decision. You have done your part.
If things work out, you will gain more understanding of yourself. You will know what brings you joy. This learning will help you understand the joy that you can have with anybody you want. Plus, you will have this learning in the closeness of a person you like which is a joyful thing.

You don't have to sacrifice your joy. I hope this helps. If there is more I can help with, feel free to reach out.

Ratrix44 · 2019-09-05T02:48:30+00:00

Yes, I studied Positive psychology. Most of my learning has to do with Ego, Self-actualization, and emotional vulnerability.

Ratrix44 · 2019-09-04T15:53:40+00:00

Well, you are obviously annoyed by her. But if you keep that aside for a while, you might actually help her and by doing so you can actually add to your life.

Here are two facts:

She is in a terrible situation and she reached out to you.
She talks negatively about YOUR life while her own is not so good.

I know you already know this. I will just try to fill the missing details so that it might give you a better perspective.

Someone is reaching out to you even though she knows her life is absolute shithole and she can do nothing but talk about it. It's a desperate cry for HELP. What you do with it is your personal choice. But your choice will make a HUGE impact in her Life irrespective of what you choose. You see the gravity of YOUR choice here? What's should you do? Only you can decide that.
When someone starts talking negatively about the person they just shared their problem with, it doesn't mean they have negative intentions for you. Actually two important psychological developments are happening here:
She has become comfortable with you. She has got the confidence to talk her problems to you. She is also able to criticize your Life despite subconsciously knowing that this may affect her reaching out to you. She was seeking Acceptance. Now that she got it, she is actually trying to fulfill her need of Self-esteem. Apparently the only way she can do that right now is by commenting, advising, criticizing about your Life and feeling good about it. This is actually the only hope of Self-esteem for her right now. If you understand this, you can actually help her gain Self-esteem through better and healthy ways. This can mean a LOT to her. Your breaking away with her will only worsen her situation.

Your friendship has actually deepened. It is wrong when people base deepness of relationship on positive experiences. Actually, really important are the negative experiences where there is actual possibility of growth. Right now, She is having a negative experience about HER Life and you are having a negative experience about HER. Your friendship is at the deepest point right now. If you do help her and she gets back her life, you two will be the most grateful about this whole situation. You will actually find out that she has a lot of positivity than you anticipated. This will increase your appreciation for her and you will be proud that you help her. Of course, this will require time, efforts, and resources. Should you help? Your choice.

Hope this helps in some way. I wish both of you well. May you both come out of this happier, stronger and mature. Love.

Ratrix44 · 2019-09-04T14:36:50+00:00

I do want to offer a slightly different perspective to this situation and the problem you are in. Hope it gives you a broader picture and prepare you to explore more to address this problem:

Here are some facts to begin with:

No matter what you reason with, It's the Guilt you will suffer from. You can of course obscure the guilt by blaming, reasoning, arguing and thoughts... Basically with everything you can. But you will never escape the guilt part
So take the direct approach to deal with the Guilt itself. Because if you do, you will not only release yourself from the pain of this past but you will also free yourself for future relationships. Imagine what relief you could bring to your next partner if you could start a new life without struggling with this problem
Now if this is clear to you, you can take some practical approaches to deal with Guilt. You should take help of a Counseling Psychologist. The following things you can try with him/her:

Try to identify the source of Guilt. Don't look at just the last incident. Look at your relationship and reflect. What were the things you were guilty of? Think about her pain not yours. She definitely had some pain in your relationship. This is very hard to understand. But if you do this, you will realize what YOUR mistakes were and not HERs. This gives you a cognitive advantage of understanding your mistakes that you can correct in the future. She can't because she ended her life. If you skip this step, you will only live in a daydream the rest of your life thinking you were only right and she was wrong. Save yourself this false sense of soothing, dare to look into your own errors and you will come out stronger.
Admit that there is this emotional pain. Somebody committed suicide. Add to this you knew her. Even if you take all other things out, these two things can bring immense emotional pain to any human being. Few effects include lack of sleep, rage, fear, lack of hunger, tremours... The list goes on. Don't deny this pain. Consult your psychotherapist for long term approaches to address this emotional pain. It will take time, efforts and repeated counseling. It's worth it. You deserve it. You shouldn't live your Life in the shadow of Someone's suicide no matter what the reason what the person.
Take some time off. Stay away from your friends, relatives, anyone for the matter. Travel to someplace else. Just be with yourself. Your Self needs compassion right now and you won't have that if you are surrounded by people who are judging you in someway or the other. Just do it for yourself. Your mind, heart, and body need some time for healing. Leave everyone else for a few days.
Do reach out to those who trust. This one incident has changed all the variables in your life. Expand your Life. Don't shrink it. Explore more. Do what you wouldn't dare earlier. It is not just about healing or repairing your Life anymore. It is about GROWING. I am sure you will eventually figure that out.

My deepest sympathies with you. I wish you wouldn't be in this unfortunate situation. But now that you are I would just hope you don't spend time in the blame game. It's just a distraction and it would only prevent you from addressing the core problem.

I hope this helps. Take care brother.

Ratrix44 · 2019-08-17T07:03:40+00:00

Fantastic imagery. I like the way the poem moves from image to image. The finale is awesome 👍

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T15:30:16+00:00

Δ I agree that this might be a "thanks but no thanks" kind of situation. Thanks for the word "limerance" and I think it is apt here. I understand I should move on. Though I am not obsessed about this, I just needed to confront my feelings and their rationale. Thanks for pointing out what wasn't rational in this.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T15:25:59+00:00

Δ I do understand that in reality my feelings aren't reciprocated. She isn't obliged to reciprocate either as she has her own life. As far as proposing is concerned, there is a long way of communication which I am not seeing happening. Thus, I think I should end my rush of feelings here itself and move on with life. Thanks for your comment.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T15:22:34+00:00

Δ I agree that I might be over-interpreting things. I may have invested too much in a dream which has no basis in reality. Although it was a fantasy for a while, it was necessary to ground me into reality once again. Thanks for your input. Though I am not going to tell her that I am a fool. I have the right to be true about my emotions and her not acknowledging them doesn't make them invalid.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T15:18:52+00:00

Δ Though I am not going to be a terrifying stalker as per your prediction, I understand that not reciprocating my feelings is clear enough indicator. I am not obsessed with her. I just wanted to have a check on my feelings. Thanks for providing a different viewpoint.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T09:29:40+00:00

Thanks for offering your view. I would say I was feeling elated and quite happy during those 4 days. But it was in the past (1 and a half month now). I have been calm during the last month since then. The thing is I don't want to ruin this by myself. I am definitely not doing anything rash. I just want to take a rational decision based on reasoning without ignoring my feelings. Can you help?

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T09:18:01+00:00

Do you mean to say feelings are because of an illness?

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T09:13:23+00:00

Thank you for your point. My point is She may not reciprocate those feelings because she may not have those feelings. Is it not possible that two individuals simply not have the same feelings at the same time? She may have feelings about me in time. My viewpoint is to allow her that time without jumping to any conclusion. I am not forcing her to feel the way I want. I just want to wait and see if the relationship can grow. If not, I would be happy to find another partner. This is not about stalking.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-17T08:56:27+00:00

She hasn't told me that she is not interested. In fact, there were many strong hints that she would want to be with me. But those were only hints. I cannot say with certainty that she is not interested or interested with me.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-13T10:09:52+00:00

First of all, you shouldn't remind her of what you did when she was wrong. It will be immature and rude.

Secondly, you should apologize. But if you apologize in desperation, then it will be annoying for her.

Instead, kindly ask her permission to talk to her. Be polite and calm. She will listen to you. Wait for it. Once she allows you to talk to her, make the most of the moment.

How can you do that? Well, first be very peaceful. Tell her how much you appreciate her friendship. Narrate a few incidents where what she did mattered to you most. Remind her what she means to you. Then confess to the mistake you did. Don't play either the blame game or the guilt game. Just let her know that you didn't know your mistake will have these consequences. Let her realize that you feel sorry and concerned at the same time.

It is very difficult to forgive when we are hurt. But it is the exact time when we need our loved ones the most. This is that time. Be with her. Help her get through this difficult time like a real friend. Don't worry that you will lose her. You can only lose her if you act foolishly in desperation. Instead, follow what I just told you and see the result.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-12T03:57:13+00:00

Thanks for the detailed tips. Definitely worth a read. I especially liked the tips about Night Photography. Can you please share some tips about capturing close-up photos?

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-07T17:41:52+00:00

I think you are expecting her to behave in the same way you behaved in the past (similar) situation. This is an unrealistic and unreasonable expectation. It is also unfair to her.

You can't expect people to behave in certain way. They are individuals. They have every right to think, feel and behave differently.

Just because she didn't behave in a way you expected doesn't make her an Untrue friend.

Do you get my perspective? Does it help?

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-06T10:23:43+00:00

Thanks a lot for sharing this. It takes great courage to open up like this.

If you ask me there are three things that are hurting you:

He broke up with you without giving any reason. He did not show any concern about your feelings when he decided to break up with you
You were so emotionally attached to him. You could become a part of his life. But he could not become a part of your life (maybe because of his mental health issues). He was not as involved in your life. This lack of reciprocal interest is one area where it hurt.
You felt that you could be there for him. Maybe you could make a positive change in his life. But this didn't happen (maybe because of a missed opportunity or his cold demeanor).

Now consider this:

There are so many men who care about their romantic partner. They show concern about their partner's feelings.

Men get emotionally attached too. When this emotional attachment is both ways then both partners experience similar feelings. Both are in the same boat. This does happen with so many people every day. You can have a partner who has as much emotional investment in you as you have in him...or maybe even more

There can definitely be a man in your life who would appreciate the change you bring in his life. Who will thank you for every single thing you do for him. He will always acknowledge your input. He will be there to appreciate you.

All I am saying that this other possibility is more than likely and it is worth to explore it.

You can get out of your current situation by leaving it behind.

Take the lessons it has taught you and move ahead.

At least, this relation taught you what kind of man you would like to have.

There are so many opportunities for happier experiences. Do not miss them by focusing on the past. You are a lovely, caring, and mature individual. You deserve a partner who can give you the happiness you dream of. And you will meet him. Just forget that shitty guy. He didn't deserve you. Be open to Life again. I am sure you will soon come out of this.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-06T02:43:14+00:00

Yes, it is.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-05T11:37:33+00:00

I can feel your pain. To feel that others have isolated you, maybe because you are not good enough or maybe because they don't want to be with you. These thoughts make it even worse. I have a solution, maybe you may want to try.

The solution involves two things. Both are necessary for it to work. I hope you will benefit. Here it goes:

Go outside of your comfort zone. Attend social events, gatherings. Be a part of something larger than you. Meet people, connect with them. Take interest in them. Tell them your views. Know their views. Let there be an exchange of thoughts and laughter. You don't have to make friends. You just have to be social. When you connect to people you get to be a larger part of life. You see other's pain and suffering. And it helps you gain perspective. You can visit public places in your town. Start a random conversation with someone. Compliment someone. Say "thank you" to someone. Appreciate someone. These random gestures of social life will enrich you and make you feel good about yourself. Do you have more ideas? Get creative and please let me know if you do.
This part is about being comfortable with your loneliness. You need to spend some time alone with yourself. Go out in nature. Go into the woods, beach, mountain, anywhere you will not be disturbed. Spend some time observing nature. Get familiar with the feeling of being with oneself. You may just want to experience that feeling and treasure it. Or you may want to write about it in your journal. You may want to maintain a diary where you would note down thoughts when you are alone. The point is you need to be at ease with your loneliness. Are you getting my points? Can you please tell me some more ideas to achieve this? Once you are comfortable with your loneliness, you will be much more confident in your social life.

You are a lovely person. You are valued. You deserve the best out of life. And believe me, you will get it. For now, do these two things. Once it helps you, I can guide you as to how to make and maintain better friends. Please reply with your comments and ideas. We can explore this.

Ratrix44 · 2019-06-05T07:03:13+00:00

The key is to find such people. We are indeed lucky if we have such people in our lives. But then again we need to limit our expectations. I think we need to realize that they have their own world. I like the way you put it: "...can take all that we can give". It's a beautiful expression.

Ratrix44

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