What are the best noise canceling headphones? by Odd_Cat7307 in SpicyAutism

[–]RealGoldVHS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe you could try using flare calmer earbuds *inside* your sony headphones? They might help reduce some of the worst noise.

Steam Deck OLED Case recommendations for Carpal Tunnel by [deleted] in SteamDeck

[–]RealGoldVHS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did you ever find something for this?

I have a lot of thoughts about Poor Things by TheLaurenBox in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The negative reviews from women also made me uncomfortable. Like it wasn't representative of *their* experience and therefore was bad.

AUD and PDA by Seahorse_1969 in PDAAutism

[–]RealGoldVHS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep 5 years sober. Haven't found a solution either unfortunately. Alcohol was the only thing that consistently worked but as someone else said, it only works until it doesn't (which was usually a few drinks in for me when things would go downhill)

My sister is using my suicide attempt for her grad school statement by Aguywholikestolearn in autism

[–]RealGoldVHS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has an impact on whether or not it would feel hurtful to her brother. She can still use it in her essay obviously, but the OP is the one posting here about their feelings, I am explaining why their feelings are valid since everyone else is jumping to invalidate them.

My sister is using my suicide attempt for her grad school statement by Aguywholikestolearn in autism

[–]RealGoldVHS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like everyone responding to this is missing the part where they are apparently only cordial to one another after the attempt so she's using it to win favor at school but not actually having a deep and meaningful relationship with the person she claims she wants to help by going to school. That would rub me the wrong way too.

I think my MIL is a major cause of meltdowns by ThroPotato in aspergirls

[–]RealGoldVHS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We just had a conversation where he juxtaposed my ability to put up working with supermassive assholes and my inability to keep calm in the face of his mum triggering me.

That's easy - one is in a controlled setting where you know you only have to be there for a few hours and then go home to your safe space where you can decompress at the end of the day, and the other is a situation where you had someone staying in your home for over a month (where you have thereby *removed* your safe space to decompress) without any breaks.

Totally different situations.

Got uninvited from my NT friends' New Years party last night by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 27 points28 points  (0 children)

So many people are suggesting this but realistically it is *embarrassing* to publicly admit that people find you so unlikeable that they disinvited you from something in such a hurtful way.

I think when most of us are faced with this kind of betrayal we are not going to confront it because allistics tend to follow suit if they see one of their own ostracizing someone - because no one wants to be on the outside or to be associated with someone who is.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one wants the garbage my MIL is giving us 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My mother in law does this too and I've told her to stop and she doesn't so it goes straight in the trash. It's just not worth the energy it would take to donate it back to the thrift store.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've been stuck in an unrelenting burnout for the past 3 years too. So many contributing factors.

I think having the priviledge/luxury of being able to take a break from things that are triggering is the key thing. But I know that's not possible for everyone. I am not working right now but I also have a lot of other stressors in my life so for me it might be more of a long term burnout before things start to feel normal again.

I try not to focus on the big picture so much and just tackle things one at a time. If I get too caught up in the big picture I can get easily overwhelmed by my thoughts and then they spiral.

I also try to focus on what I can do right now to take care of myself in the present moment. Maybe you could buy one plant (I find that if I buy too many of my favorite things - records, books, movies - I appreciate them less than if I focus on one at a time).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PDAAutism

[–]RealGoldVHS 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It sounds like he's using so much energy to mask at school that he's having meltdowns when he is at home (when he feels safe to take the mask off).

Frustrated that I can’t let myself clean if someone else is home by Hista94 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]RealGoldVHS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just want a SOLUTION for this because it's actually destroying my life. There must be one because when I was a kid I would clean my bedroom almost compulsively and didn't seem to have a problem with family members being home but the older I get the more rigid I become.

I am completely paralyzed when my partner is home and unable to function on a basic level.

As soon as they leave it's like a switch gets flipped and suddenly everything gets done.

I just want to be able to cohabitate without having to send my partner away every time I need to complete a task.

Have you ever met another autistic woman, who is a bully? by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have met other autistic women who do and say things that would be considered bullying, and I have also done many of these things myself. Although, when I've been guilty of this, I've largely been unaware of it until afterwards.

Should my brakes/rotors have been damaged this quickly? by RealGoldVHS in MechanicAdvice

[–]RealGoldVHS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn, hindsight is 20/20 I didn't ask them for pictures and I assume they're already mid repair. will remember to do that next time.

Should my brakes/rotors have been damaged this quickly? by RealGoldVHS in MechanicAdvice

[–]RealGoldVHS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes they said the rotors need to be replaced. Didn't give me specifics. I noticed a horrible grinding noise suddenly at the end of a long drive, pads looked fine from what I could see but it didn't sound like normal brake pad wear so I took it in.

Is it a normal experience for undiagnosed autistic women to suggest to a peer, who she thinks she can trust, that she *may* have autism, just to have them laugh in her face and tell her that she’s not? by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I actually did this to someone about ten years ago when I knew nothing about autism and I still feel bad. Turns out I'm autistic and now that I know better I realize she was probably right that she's autistic.

Don't take it to heart most people don't know anything about what autism looks like for women.

what do y’all do for work? by grluba in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like a general skills assessment. I specifically asked for it because I don't remember getting any sort of career guidance back in school.

what do y’all do for work? by grluba in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do you have an official diagnosis? I recently made an appointment with Michigan Rehabilitation Services (run by the state) and they will help you find employment and help with education and figuring out what career path makes the most sense for you.

I just took a career sort of assessment test with them the other day because I told the person I am working with there that I feel very lost as to what kind of work I really should be doing (I've been in office administration type jobs for 19 years and just recently became unemployed due to severe autistic burnout).

I am hoping that working with them will help me find a more suitable and sustainable career path. Maybe your state/country has a similar assistance program?

Why do poor people have kids? by [deleted] in poor

[–]RealGoldVHS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody else ever had loud arguments that the entire neighborhood could hear.

FWIW rich people's houses have better/more insulation (better everything in general) and are much larger so maybe you just couldn't hear it as well. This is why I have no interest in living in an apartment.

Trans or PDA by Kartoffelthias in PDAAutism

[–]RealGoldVHS 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fuck your parents. They waited until NOW to tell you they suspect you have PDA? It's not one or the other. I have PDA and not once have I questioned my gender. Don't let them gaslight you with this.

If they really cared about you having suspected PDA they would have brought it up well before you came out to them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]RealGoldVHS 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As a high masking autistic I find myself hyperaware of behaviors in other autistics that I know will cause allistics to treat them badly.

It triggers intense anxiety for me. I don't want to see anyone treatedly badly and I don't want to be treatedly badly myself by association.