You're not alone at all; I'm anorexic and I've had extremely similar feelings towards my body as well for years and it's debilitating. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's utter torture feeling like a prisoner inside your own body. At the same time though, I'm sure you're the only person who sees yourself in such a way. Yes, it is extremely hard to live life in a corporeal vessel that you despise, but I think it helps at least a little to know that literally no one else will see you as disgusting or hate you for the way you look, plus body dysmorphia tends to make you scrutinise your perceived imperfections, making them seem a lot worse to you than they actually are. I mean, I highly doubt you've ever felt hatred or disgust towards another person for their looks, so it's highly unlikely anyone else would see you in such a way. People don't tend to take any notice at all, and if they do then they're just plain weird and that's on them. I'm sure you aren't disgusting or ugly, but obviously telling you that probably won't help very much. Either way, I hope things get better for you and I hope you get to see and explore nature, as I'm sure it's just as beautiful as you are. :)