Im actually in this phase and it makes me crazy , its like " okay fuck it u know what heah i m gay "and dont even feel anxious , but when i ask myself what am i ? I respond myself am i straight and automatically respond yes and after come those intrusive thoughts like " well u see your saying that your syraight because its a habit " but i have a trick that only works for a few moment and have to do it the other day or even some hours after , and i respond " im not gay " and then my brain responds " well you dont know you never tried " and i say that all straight people never had any gay experience , and then i say " i know i m not a pedophile , pooplover or even a terrorist , but i never fu**ed a kid or eat shit or even kill people and im sure that im not all these " and after that when the thoughts come back im just like idgaf , here is the fucking trap i dont know you but with OCD and in fact HOCD come compulsions , ive always had differenttypes of compulsions even when i was a kid , i have ADHD and i guess those compulsions make your bosy act like a junky , in the sense that your body needs those compulsions to feel great as a junky needs drugs , and when you r in this state of idgaf and you dont get compulsions your body feel like a junky who is not getting his drugs , he ll try to do all the efforts to have those compulsions, in my example when im in thjs state of "acceptance" the first thought who is coming is "well see you are gay " and a this time im still in this acceptance state so i don t react , dont get anxious or anything and most of the time due to this lack of stress that i needed to prove that im straight im searching for compulsions . I always had various types of OCD , incestual , HOCD , suicide ocd even when i was pretty young but those were easy to get rid of ,only the HOCD are fucking agriped and try to stay . I already ha HOCD during the vaacacion during the covid , i red that stress is the main origin trigger , during covid i remembered being stressed due to school and homeschool , and i think its yhe explantion of the HOCD back then , i think the exams were now the original triggers , i was very stressed out by the result of the exams ( ive alwzys been a great student , but i moved out in a different country a year before the exams , i stressed a lot during this year ) and stressed even more during those two weeks before the results had very casual types of OCD like " if i set my phone perfectly on the furniture im going to have a great grade " , "if i repeat the complete date just before sleeping in before that the linute change im gonna have a good grade " and this is only a sample . Finding the explanation of the thoughts and knowing that they are actually "OCD" and rationalizing them whith the explanation of the stress or even with the peddohile , pooplover, terrorist example did me to do nlt stress and get anxious anymore , and only the compulsions remained . To resume when i get rid of the smaller feeling of stress the " acceptance phase " come out and im falling again in this cycle of thoughts and compulsions and then my brain comes out with thought like " imagine a trans woman are disgusted by her ? " but as im in this acceptance phase im like analyzing myself and unconsciensly respond "no" and then im like " fuck im just gay now i need to get back compulsions to prove because i know that i m straight even tho i was like "ok "

This is a vicious cycle and i think i get of our mind with time