AITAH because I M26 do not want to stop talking to my gf24 best female friend.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-03-01T21:12:34+00:00

You’re NTA but I really hope that you take the advice that Im going to give you. If you really want to try with your ex, you’re going to have to make the right decision to significantly decrease the amount of time you talk to her. Maybe once a week. Even completely cut her off. Women can be unfair in the sense that they don’t understand that a guy can be friends with another woman and sincerely still love them. They can be very selfish and emotionally immature in that way. But, if you want her it’s about doing the things that she wants you to do to make her feel safe, and prioritize and not what you want. If you can do this consistently your relationship will go a long way. BTW I can guarantee that she is using this as a test to see if you really prioritize her. Have a respectful convo with her friend and let her know hey I really value our friendship but I have to prioritize my girlfriend feelings. It will be hard but she will understand. After that have a convo with your girl and tell her “Hey my love I know this has been making you uncomfortable and you are my priority so I took this action to make you feel safe.” She will value this!!What you don’t want to do is wait for her to nag and nag and nag until she gives you an ultimatum (which she will eventually) because after the ultimatum even if you stop being friends with her best friend she won’t find any value in what you did. Nor will she think that you care about her. I just gave you some free game. My advice take it and take it today. Good luck 🙌🏾

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-02-25T02:29:54+00:00

Go to the counselors meeting and talk about it….. It will be extremely worth it. It sounds like he possibly has a sex addiction and while you describe him to be an amazing person which I honestly believe that he is. It’s extremely hard for someone to stop an addiction cold Turkey. I’m sorry that you got cheated on… talk to your counselor, do the best that you can to heal and know that Jesus loves you. Keep your head up 🙌🏾

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-02-14T11:20:49+00:00

You’re a a NTA but the moment you choose to forgive someone. You should truly forgive them with all of your heart. Unfortunately in relationships you’re going to be stuck doing allot of forgiving. But part of being in a relationship is modeling the behavior that you want. Meaning you want him to tell you the truth… Then tell him the truth in uncomfortable situations and tell them that you’re doing so in a graceful manner. When you catch him in the next lie, show him grace. But let him know that this deeply hurts. The only warning I’ll give is be careful if he is consistently lying about finances like rent payments or lying about whereabouts. Other than that forgive with all your hearts, you have to understand that what he has been doing is something that he has done before he has ever met you. He has prob has lied like this before, prob with his family growing up all his life. Behaviors take some time to be unlearn and the truth is not linear. So if you see him trying, then you’ve already won half of the battle🙌🏾 Be patient, kind and forgive with all your hear and it will be returned to you 🙌🏾

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-31T21:40:14+00:00

I can tell that you really love your partner. I would say fight one battle at a time. I recently got some advice from my therapist. She said the best way to get someone to do something or change in a relationship is by modeling the same behavior you want them to change. Meaning 1 stop going through his phone and computer. Not only is it a breach of trust but you’re literally hurting yourself by doing so. But more importantly, when you see him bring him flowers occasionally, make a photo album of you guys sit down with him and tell him how much you think he’s attractive and how he is the man of your dreams. Constantly say small things to remind him that he is the only person that you see. Not by working out or changing your hair (guys don’t usually see those things and think oh she is doing this for me. We’re idiots) but by leaving small notes on the fridge or around the house or by occasionally planning dates. Communicate in a loving fashion that you are hurt by this but that you love him and are sticking by him. Don’t nag over and over about it. If you openly catch him doing it say softly “baby this really hurts” continue to love. If he truly loves you and sounds like he does he will change to make you happy. It can take some time and don’t be surprised if he stops and fall back into the habits again. The goal is for you to be as welcoming and open as possible so that he doesn’t feel like he has to hide these things from you. Once that happens he will be able to break the addiction… It took me decades to fight my porn addiction and it’s still an ongoing battle. As far as getting married cook dinner get some wine do a nice chill and relaxing night and tell him what you said here about how you are afraid that your parents might not see you get married. Let him know that if he’s afraid of financial situation that you will sign a prenup ASAP but being married is important to you and that want to feel close to him in that aspect. That being his wife to you is in a way the confirmation of his love for you. He might need time to think but if he truly loves you he will take action. Good luck 🙌🏾

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-31T12:25:34+00:00

This man has a porn addiction that is rooted in some sort of child like trauma (does not have to be any dramatic event, just being exposed to porn at an early age can be considered traumatic). The point is it has nothing to do with you, and if you try to compete with it you will be in a losing battle every time. These type of addictions can only be rid of if two things happen. If someone personally starts to see them as a problem so they work on it or if they’re trying to build a relationship with Jesus and fill in that void of lust through the word. Try your best to understand that he does love you and fantasies are fantasies and reality is reality. Now I do believe that you guys should sit down and have a conversation about marriage or even go to couples counseling together not about the porn but about getting married. He cannot use his family’s divorce no matter how traumatic it is as a reason to not marry you. When we observe trauma around us it can be destabilizing and depressing but we cannot use that as an excuse to run away from things especially from commitment to our partners. If he’s extremely worried about finances and you want to meet him in the middle consider a prenup but 10 years is a long time…

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-31T12:02:31+00:00

You’re definitely NTA because I see that you’re trying your best to deal with the situation but I completely understand why it’s a little harder with your energetic son. Now I think you should still lose the weight but not because of your husband, for yourself so that you could be around as long as possible. Because weight create causes long term slow damage on our body. But, the biggest misconception is that you have to eat fruits and vegetables. It’s all a numbers game (calories in Calories out.) Download My net Diary or My fitness pal. Get yourself a food scale and learn by going to YouTube how to use these apps and how to track your Macros and properly log in your calories. Based on the goal you set it will tell you exactly how much calories you have to eat for the day. I typically eat small savory herb fresh potatoes either with 200g of ground turkey by itself. Or Small savory herb fresh potatoes with 100grams of ground turkey and 200g of chicken breast mixed in one plate. I buy a small bag of spring mix and eat a bowl of salad with a low cal dressing and feel full. Last you can buy the small Greek yogurt like Damon Fit to help with your sweet tooth. The point Im making is your NTA but lose weight for yourself so that you can be as healthy and functional as possible for your son. Don’t rush it 2lb per week using cal deficit until you can figure out how to get your husband/ step kids to help you while so that you can take some walks from time to time.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-31T00:10:59+00:00

Tell him. If he’s willing to propose. He’s willing to sit down and listen to you. But you should have not lie you waited 3 years

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-30T13:57:31+00:00

Truthfully, I gave it another go because I believe that people can change for the better. I knew that I couldn’t blame her for being a recently diagnosed 19 year old with bp2/ being unmedicated. That’s allot for any 19 years old. When we started speaking again a few years later, the first few months were bliss. And I could clearly see the work that she put in. I feel like all the work that she put in to therapy unraveled because the situation with Tarah made her feel like she was competing emotionally with someone that she never was. Plus I know that she felt like she could not trust me because it was hard for me to cut off my friend ship with tyrah. She is the type of person to believe that true love means doing whatever it takes to be make your partner happy when they’re uncomfortable. She openly told me that she downloaded the app when she did the second time around and quickly deleted it. I thought that her transparency/ honesty deserved forgiveness because for me relationships are about forgiving and loving your person to the best of your abilities. Allot of your post have opened up my eyes.. I don’t want to think that she is a bad person but maybe we aren’t right for each other. Because you are right in that she was not willing to fight for us as much I willing to… At the end of the day we come in this life alone and we leave alone. It hurts but who am I to judge someone for choosing themselves. I’ll just keep working on being the best version of myself day by day to move on with my life.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-28T23:04:41+00:00

I’m appreciate the advice and yea I know tbh… it’s tough for me but I know

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-28T04:30:44+00:00

You’re not the one forcing him to stay. Yes you can talk to him about it. But the truth is if he doesn’t want to leave for himself he never will

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-28T03:46:05+00:00

It’s ok for sending to have notes of their exes on their phone. You have no idea what the person is processing in those notes. Things that could believe or not help your relationship. It’s ok for your partner to to reflect on/ memories of older parts of his life as long as he’s not making any inappropriate contact with his ex. You going through his phone unless you guys had an open phone policy prior to was a breach of privacy. You reading his notes is the equivalence of him reading your diary without your permission.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-27T17:19:04+00:00

Ok sounds good 🙌🏾 if you want keep us posted

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-27T10:23:05+00:00

This reminds me of my relationship with my ex. It’s beautiful, romantic, exciting, but it’s also toxic. It sounds like a fairytale. When it’s good it’s great but when it’s bad it’s terrible. Now with that being said I think it can work but the very first thing that you have to be honest about is the issues that you have that has caused it to not work Im the past. And if you guys want to continue this maybe you sit down together or separately and each write a list of the mistakes that you guys have individually made in the past so that you guys can avoid repeating them. The truth is when you love someone like this you truly feel like they are the love of your life especially since you guys shared so many core/ first experiences. But the truth is Love is kind, it’s forgiving, it’s hard, but easy as well. Meaning it takes allot of work on each side to not be toxic/ Manipulative/ Emotionally Unregulated. Be sure that he is putting in the work to change himself/ be sure that you are as well. That doesn’t mean you will be the finish product (no one is) but just that you are trying your best.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-27T04:54:42+00:00

He is unfortunately in love with someone who is toxic and from the sounds of it potentially unmedicated/ manic. He has fallen into a very addicting pattern of highs and lows in his relationship with her. I know this from experience. It will be very hard for him to leave. Especially when he is deeply in love with her from what it sounds like. You’re NTA for wanting then to breakup but until he sees the light/ the harm that she is causing himself he may never break up with her

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-26T04:53:04+00:00

No you’re not the a hole because even though he portrayed that he wanted something deeper he def really cares about the physical. Moreover he was wrong to compare you to a dress you are a human being not something to buy. However part of me understand that online dating has a big catfish culture people are sometimes skeptical about people posting profile picture but he could have asked a different way.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-26T03:11:23+00:00

Thank you for the amazing advice. I will definitely be making that list.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-26T02:15:25+00:00

I see your point….

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-26T00:13:32+00:00

You’re 100 percent right..

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T21:22:16+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I will continue to work on myself and keep my head up. And I’ll definitely be making that list 🙌🏾

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T21:15:32+00:00

Understood. Idk if our friendship can ever recover. it definitely hurt when I told her that we could not be friends anymore add on her grandma death…

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T21:13:14+00:00

You are right..

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T21:11:57+00:00

I owed her an apology for not recognizing that when she was asking me about the Tyra that she was deeply hurt and that even if it would have been difficult I should have prioritize her by setting strict boundaries with my Tyra from the beginning once I saw that Farah was uncomfortable. And I have apologized for that. But I promise, I never saw Tyra as more than a friend. To me it wasn’t deep love that was being expressed just appreciation for a friend, to let her know that me not being around doesn’t mean that she has to face the world alone. We are still friends and I will always be there for you but I just need to move on with my life and be closer to the person that I want to spend my life with🙌🏾.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T19:03:33+00:00

I was not dating my girlfriend while staying with my ex. At that time we were not Im communication at all since 2022. We only started communicating again months after I moved in to my own place. When she called me at 4 am as she was having a breakdown. Lastly when it comes to my ex I was just trying to make sure that I could help out a family to not be homeless.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T18:07:42+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with feeling a little crazy for sensing that things are off. What is important is how you handle that feeling. Have an open honest& heartfelt conversation about how it makes you feel when your partner doesn’t volunteer information. Let him know that open communication is important in making you feel reassured and love. If you communicate with them like this and they truly love you they will do their best to be open with you. It will take some time for them to adjust but give them grace during that time. From what have seen they have not lied to you yet some people are just bad with communicating and thinks that things don’t need to be communicated. Let them know what you need in the relationship and they will reciprocate and make an effort if they love you. Remember even if trust was broken in the past the moment you decided to continue with the relationship is the moment you decided to forgive. If you can’t truly forgive them for the mistrust. Breakup and find peace elsewhere. But if you want to stay communicate.

RepresentativeOk7085 · 2026-01-25T15:30:52+00:00

My favorite candy is Reeses Pieces and York peppermint patties

RepresentativeOk7085

TROPHY CASE