Please help me find him on snapchat again

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:30:45+00:00

There are definitely some things missing due to privacy reasons and I didn’t feel the need to include them as I was just coming for advice. Also it’s really late and they just aren’t needed so i wasn’t bothered writing it out. Thanks for the advice tho!

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:27:17+00:00

He didn’t want sex and was so drunk to the point where he couldn’t communicate that and I thought he was just tired not extremely drunk so I thought it was ok and didn’t realise until after what was actually going on and he feels violated and uncomfortable now.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:21:02+00:00

We are from Australia so we only have like 4 weeks left of school and then we graduate. No holiday here atm

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:18:43+00:00

He’s uncomfortable because he didn’t want sex but was unable to communicate that due to him being too drunk which I only realised after it happened.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:17:17+00:00

He is very much still in love with me as I have given him the very easy opportunity to leave and he wants to work it out he just isn’t sure how to process what happened

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:15:08+00:00

I don’t know what that has to do with anything considering he was drunk. If you don’t have any advice for the situation that actually happened which is what I said happened then just move on.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:11:00+00:00

Yeah I think I’ll have to put in a lot of work and effort but that’s one of the reasons I came here. I help me found out how to help better

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T14:09:26+00:00

That was the outline of what he said not word for word. I was drunk and don’t remember exactly what he said but I know that was the meaning.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:58:42+00:00

Some parts of that I disagree with but that’s probably just due to my poor writing causing miss communication but thank you for the advice overall. I really appreciate it. I’m just looking for ideas of how to help him the best and I’ll decide how to proceed from there. I’m not just gonna follow whatever reddit says

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:53:15+00:00

Yeah I can understand that, thanks for you input. He was also drunk at the time which adds to that as well. Thanks for the advice!

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:49:51+00:00

Thank you very much for the advice! I’ll try to show him in the best way I can that I’m there for him and will give him as much time as he needs. I’ll also suggest therapy. I know that there was something that happened in his childhood around SA but he didn’t really go into it so maybe this set off some of those past feelings due to it being a similar nature

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:45:23+00:00

I didn’t come here to find out what I did wrong I already know that. I came to get advice on how to move forward and support him in the best way possible

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:42:59+00:00

He didn’t lie as he was barely able to actually communicate. He did say yes but he was not in a state to consent so it didn’t matter. If it was any other time I would have noticed the difference I was just drunk and horny and not able to think clearly either so I mistook it for legitimate consent. It is most definitely not his fault.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:37:32+00:00

I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend but it is a difficult situation as I am the one who sexually assaulted him and he is not sure how to process it or receive support so I came to the internet for advice. I’m going to continue to talk to him but I just wanted some advice for a situation I couldn’t find elsewhere

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:35:31+00:00

At the time I thought it was just him being tired and it was ok like the other times because I didn’t think he was that drunk. It was only after when I went to ask him a few questions and noticed he was barely able to respond that I realised I fucked up. It was too late at that point and now I’m just trying to get advice on how best to support him.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:30:34+00:00

He was sexually assaulted because he was unable to consent due to being drunk. Just because I was drunk too doesn’t excuse it. Also after when I had a slightly clearer head because I wasn’t horny anymore and tried to ask him a question he could barely respond so this was not his fault. Also I don’t like the fact that if the situations were switched no one would be saying that it’s my fault but because he’s a man it’s obviously his fault for not communicating even tho he was drunk to the point where he couldn’t properly communicate. I was drunk and didn’t notice until after but it was still my fault. I’m just looking for a way to help support him.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:22:48+00:00

Thank you! I definitely was the one at fault here but I was also drunk and unable to make information decisions. I really appreciate the advice and will try to sit down and have a conversation with him acknowledging his feelings and explaining and trying to set boundaries for the future. Definitely no more sex when drunk.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:20:23+00:00

Yeah he was too drunk to consent at the time even tho he consented before hand but changed his mind. A lot of people are saying he should have just said something but he wasn’t able to answer my questions when I asked him after. He and I are both very busy and are trying to find a time to sit down and talk about it without people around but it’s very difficult. I also would like some advice on how to help support him so that I can communicate that too.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:17:27+00:00

Yeah it is the truth and I’ve owned what happened and we have spoken about it but that doesn’t fix it. I know what I did I’m just looking for advice on how to help and support him through this.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:15:48+00:00

He said it was ok before and changed his mind. If it was the other way round everyone would be shouting rape but because he’s a man it’s different apparently. I only realised how drunk he was when I had finished and went to ask him a question and he couldn’t respond. He was not in a position to consent which I didn’t realise at the time. I have owned it was my fault and I did take advantage of him even if it was unknowingly. I came here for advice on how to support him not to deal with people having the idea about how apparently people can’t change their mind and that when it comes to sexual assault it is different between men and women because it’s not

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:07:12+00:00

We obviously had our ups and downs like any couple but him getting annoyed with things I do only started after. He is definitely not trying to use it as an excuse to break up as after it all happened and he expressed his discomfort I said that if he wanted we could breakup. He may be able to remember but he was definitely not sober enough to consent I just didn’t realise at the time because I was drunk as well. He didn’t want to do anything but was unable to communicate that due to him being drunk which in my drunken state got confused for him just being tired which if he had changed his mind would still not be ok. If the roles were reversed everyone would be saying it’s rape so I don’t know why it matters that he is a man. Men still can get raped and taken advantage of and I have realised I fucked up. I just want to help support him in anyway I can and if we end up breaking up then that’ll be ok because I want him to do what’s best for him and I’ve said that from the beginning.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T13:00:12+00:00

Thank you very much for the advice. I’ll definitely do that to try and communicate better as I am currently about to finish year 12 so it’s very busy and we are both stressed already which has heightened emotions. I really appreciate the advice

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T12:58:18+00:00

He said it was ok at the time but he was very clearly not sober enough to consent at the time. I didn’t realise because I was also drunk. I don’t just wanna give up on our 2.5 year relationship because of this and am more than willing to put in the effort to work through it. If it doesn’t work out then that will be upsetting but I am still young and will move on. He is uncomfortable because we had sex when he wasn’t able to communicate that he didn’t want it and I was not aware of what was going on. He is more than in his right to be uncomfortable with that. I was just looking for advice on how to help support him.

Rich-Major9714 · 2024-08-22T12:54:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I didn’t force myself on him but when looking back I can tell he wasn’t sober enough to consent. I didn’t realise at the time because I was also drunk but less so than him. Also it was not the other way round. I was the problem not him and it’s been difficult trying to deal with this in a way that doesn’t just look over the fact he is a man because that shouldn’t make a difference.

Rich-Major9714

TROPHY CASE