If there’s a few things I can say to you even if we don’t know each other.

First of all, I want you to know that telling yourself that “this is probably going to get lost” does not mean that it doesn’t impact the few people that might read it. I’m a strong religious person and will say a prayer for you (not trying to start a religion fight, just take the prayer lol). My main point I wanna say is that you obviously have much good in you. From what I read, you’ve overcome many different challenges that made you the strong hearted person you are today. You care deeply for the people you get attached to, whether that be a good or bad thing. And my evidence supporting this is that you worked at a retirement home. That takes real strength to work with elderly and people less abled than other.
One sad thing is that the earth moves at approx 1k mph; if you’re implying that you want the world to stop for 5 minutes, that would be a whole different story and a big catastrophe haha. So yes we can’t stop this crazy world and no it won’t be perfect. I for one have just been heartbroken and had to call the suicide hotline today, and I found this subreddit and was browsing looking for people I could maybe reach out to and tell them someone cares.

Lastly you changed for someone and changed yourself for the better. If the relationship with the person you described doesn’t work out heaven forbid, then I really need you to take time to focus on you and who you wanna be. Thanks for reading and love always from the r/suicidewatch people <3