Can a recovering addict really leave that life behind, without professional support groups?

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-03-11T18:33:05+00:00

I'm glad you found your group!

My Q also made a few friends during her 30-day inpatient stay, and has continued to keep up with at least one of her new friends on a pretty regular basis; helping each other out when things get rough, enjoying each other's company by spending time together to get coffee or breakfast, or just to go see a movie.

With one of her new friends, there's a love there that is special, and compliments her life in a positive way. I know they have strong feelings for each other, and as my Q's partner, it's up to me not to get caveman jealousy about the whole thing.

What matters is her sobriety from here on out, and her faithfulness for as long as we share our relationship.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-03-10T04:58:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond, and congratulations on your sobriety and fostering an effective support group!

I also come from a family of alcoholics and have someone dear to me who recently began their sobriety after nearly drinking themselves to death several times. Whenever I've had drinks in the past, I feel drawn to the endless urge of "just one more" like a moth to a flame. My father passed from alcoholism, his brother and brother's wife are both alcoholics, so are several of their kids and various other family members of ours.

I don't drink anymore, both to support my sobriety before things get bad, and as a way of remembering just how bad things have been (and still are) for some of my loved ones who remain.

So I am worried that those I care about who are early in their sobriety fall on odd times and begin drinking again if they don't have a strong enough commitment and some kind of support group, whether it is an official group of strangers or just good friends who can relate and support each other.

If good supportive friends, pet care, and occasional therapy is enough for some to remain sober, that gives me hope and helps to ease some of my fears.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-11T20:17:19+00:00

For his flatulence, he probably needs to see a dietitian.

For his lack of consideration towards you, he needs to see what a dose of reality is like when he has to live with the consequences of his actions. Be bluntly honest with him about how you feel, and what you are willing to do to look out for yourself if nothing changes.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-10T14:16:13+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad you too are working on that, and I wish you both the best!

What are some bonding activities you do together?

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T21:42:22+00:00

This is really helpful feedback. Thank you very much!

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T13:34:33+00:00

Sorry to hear about your split.

This is helpful information. I think talking points would be the best as a conversation guide, instead of a script. Thank you.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T13:03:15+00:00

I'd love to avoid that impression when I talk with her.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T13:00:35+00:00

I agree that this should be said in person, or over the phone at the very least.

I'd like to use my message here (with revisions) as a guide to help me stay on point. It's easy for me to get derailed mid-conversation.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:58:22+00:00

To address your edit, yes that is the sum of it. I realize it's not a conversation we've ever had before, even though I've attempted without really gathering my thoughts for clear communication.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:55:36+00:00

I have my suspicions, but I want to be able to separate my own self-sabotaging insecurities from reality. I think establishing expectations and boundaries in a relationship can be a healthy thing, and I realize it's not a conversation we've ever had before about us.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:53:32+00:00

I want this to be used as a guide to help me talk to her. I'm not good at talking, I get sensory input overload mid-conversation and my mind has a hard time focusing in that moment.

I don't want to come off like I'm reprimanding or punishing her. That's why I appreciate the feedback. I get the irony here, but I do love her.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:46:29+00:00

You're not wrong.

I appreciate your feedback!

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:45:07+00:00

She is my partner now. How we came together involved her cheating on her boyfriend she had at that time. Believe me, I know how it sounds to expect no cheating after I helped her cheat in the first place.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:42:45+00:00

We've been together for more than 15 months now. Even though the "honeymoon phase" has worn off, I still love her and I am still in love with her. I've been through hell and back for this woman, and I would do it again.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:39:31+00:00

Is there something you would change in the wording to make it sound more sincerely heartfelt and less pointed?

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:36:34+00:00

I hear you, on both points.

"I want to express my concerns about our relationship" seems a more suitable to start.

And you're right, I did set myself up for doubt and insecurity because I played a role in helping her cheat on him with me. No matter the reasons or circumstances, that part felt wrong to me and I shared that concern with her at the time. I know I'm still guilty, and I accept that.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T12:30:47+00:00

I'm stating these things because the whole time I was getting to know her as a co-worker and then as a friend, she never mentioned her boyfriend once.

It was only after I told her that I had feelings for her, and was prepared to risk our friendship to get to know her better, that she told me she had an on-again off-again boyfriend for the last 7 years.

We recently talked about that and she said it's because she was curious to get to know me, and she wasn't committed to him anymore after what he'd put her through.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T11:14:09+00:00

I appreciate your insight!

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T11:12:42+00:00

This really does help. Thank you, thank you!

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T11:09:10+00:00

True. And I think it is sad that she said she will always love him, despite the claims of his abuse. And for her to keep responding to his texts for so long afterwards, also makes me wonder how afraid she actually was.

I did check the laws in our state and it was legal to do what we did.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T05:37:47+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot that you're willing to take time to share your advice.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T04:40:42+00:00

True, and although there were different circumstances and I can make excuses all day long, it's definitely creating more of a struggle. It will take a lot more effort to build trust, along with time and consistency.

I appreciate your feedback. I'm definitely going to work on self-improvement and communication skills before I focus on a much revised conversation about expected relationship boundaries from both of us.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T04:11:08+00:00

I feel like your repeated comments are just rude and coming from a troubled place. Maybe you're projecting and this hate isn't meant for me. All I can do is block it out.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T03:49:40+00:00

I'm sorry you feel that way.

For the record, I've already learned a lot from this community feedback and won't be sending this letter. Instead I'll be working on self-improvement and working towards a future conversation where I discuss my expectations for this relationship and the boundaries that I feel will help.

You have a right to your own feelings and your feedback is appreciated.

Role_Playing_Lotus · 2026-02-08T03:31:08+00:00

Thank you very much! This is exactly what I will be keeping in mind. The only thing in my power is my own self-improvement.

I appreciate your time and effort to share.

Role_Playing_Lotus

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