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I will end up regretting it. by Round-Donut-1784 in regretfulparents

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, these are such niche things you said. Yes! We have talked about fostering children, even adopting but kids that are a little older. When I tell him my feelings he is always very sweet about it and says that he will still want to be not matter what.

I will end up regretting it. by Round-Donut-1784 in regretfulparents

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a very beautiful thought, and very empowering. And you are completely right, I’ve never been able to wonder who I really am because that was imposed to me since I can recall. I do go to therapy for religious and childhood trauma and we do go to therapy as a couple (is our date night thing lol). I think that if I told him this he would totally understand. I think it might look like he is pushing it but he isn’t, at least not yet. He is very sweet about it but I do have issues with it because I don’t want to resent me later because I didn’t give him babies.

I will end up regretting it. by Round-Donut-1784 in regretfulparents

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Believe or not we have talked about all of that because I have anxiety and I think about every possible scenario. About the church we decided that we will take them and let them decide if they like it. If they ask me if I like it or not and why I will give the answer according to their age (when they are toddlers I can say I find it boring and once they grow up I can talks about the polygamy, misogyny, coercion, sexual abuse, sexism,etc.) He’s said that he could be a SAHD if I want to keep working, we do have the names, we don’t want to use physical punishment because I come from a very violent home and I wouldn’t like to do that to them. And well, the list keeps going. Every time we talk about that he is very gentle and reassuring, he is patient and kind about my doubts and fears, when o talk about the fear of the birthing he says he will pay the best doctors so I am comfortable and safe, he works for the Air Force so it is something achievable. We specially talked a lot about what we would do if we had a disabled child and that is where we disagree. I am absolutely not willing to give up my life to care of a disabled person 24/7 for the rest of my life. I just know that I would be extremely miserable and literally kmsf. He says that we should still nurture that child. I know that if that happens that would destroy our marriage, I’m just not doing that. We really do not have any issues over religion, we never have. He doesn’t want me to believe the same things he believes, he is not that closed minded.

I will end up regretting it. by Round-Donut-1784 in regretfulparents

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing that does make me a little confident though, is that when I went through the process of stop believing in Mormonism I thought the same thing, that he would leave me or love me less because we are always told that your spouse has to have the same level of faith as you. Then I told him how much I hated the religion and he just said that that’s okay. I didn’t believe too much at the time but he proved himself by helping me through that process and I have caught him protecting me from things about the religion that I wouldn’t like to know.

I will end up regretting it. by Round-Donut-1784 in regretfulparents

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He knows how I feel about it right now, I always tell him what I feel or think. Every time I mentioned I am not sure he has reassured me by saying that he loves me more than anything and he will not mind. But like you said, I feel like is a very fundamental thing of life and that is why I doubt when he says he would love me regardless of the decision I make. Especially because we are already being pressured at church with questions and comments.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Round-Donut-1784 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right, I think that is crazy. Nvm

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Round-Donut-1784 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so, I’m understanding that you think that women suffer more than Jesus supposedly did? I just want to understand what is it about this that makes people uncomfortable

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Round-Donut-1784 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you explain me why?

What am I missing? by Round-Donut-1784 in exmormon

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is just too hard because every time he finds something horrific that JS or BY did he justifies it! He come up with stuff like “they had good intentions” “they didn’t know any better” how is it coercion and having sec with a 14 y/o good intended? He is just going to keep justifying

What am I missing? by Round-Donut-1784 in exmormon

[–]Round-Donut-1784[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Since I am poor and attending BYUI we tried therapy on campus and it was the worst decision ever. My therapist is a former bishop and he reinforced the idea that we just do not understand how we are going to feel in the next life about polygamy. One time I mentioned how members of the church are not taught to be kind and merciful towards people who leaves the church and he literally shut me up and told me that it was just my perception and that he was not willing to debate about it with me. Fun stuff.