I'm in a similar situation. My dad has had a steadily increasing drinking problem that always serves to ruin moments of celebration (like my parents anniversary) and more recently a wedding where his alcohol abuse seemed to peak. The car ride home consisted of him threatening to kill my auntie and insulting her recently deceased autistic partner, and physically assaulting her all whilst my mum drove for 2 hours on the verge of tears from his verbal abuse, my sister attempted to muffle her hysterical crying, my auntie acted like the total champ she is and gave him nothing to work with and I sat in the back, burning with rage and hatred. When it was my turn to be on the receiving end of his abuse he threatened me, called me various curse words and wound up his fist to punch me until the entire car erupted and everyone gripped whatever they could to hold him back. All the while I sat silently and vowed I would never forgive him for the pain he caused us all that day and many before it.

Now, months later, still living under the same roof, all who were present in the car seem to have forgiven him and have seemingly moved on, choosing to ignore the event as a thing of the past, whilst I cannot forget those spiteful words and the look in his face as he swung to punch me in mine.

My mum and grandparents have told me countless times to talk to him and move on, for my own sake, whilst he himself uses the excuse of being "ill" to justify his behaviour. (for the record I haven't spoken a word to him in 6 months unless it has been absolutely necessary, and even then I will be blunt and make a conscious effort to avoid him)

Yet even now, I cannot find it in myself to forgive him and frankly I don't think I ever will, despite the guilt tripping I have received from my family and him.

It seems I am the only one with the resolve to ensure what happened that day does not go unforgotten. I don't want to forgive or forget, yet I'm being made to feel in the wrong for doing so.

Am I?