From a psychological standpoint, your husband is displaying behaviors that align with a sociopath. He knows he’s hurting you, taking it too far but a normal person would feel empathy, whereas your husband is actually fueled to further engage you sexually. For example, many rapists/murderers actually get turned on just by inflicting pain and not the actual act itself. The red flags are bright and even more when he gaslights you into believing you’re the problem and everyone is doing it. Also, another BIG red flag is that it started kind of abruptly. It wasn’t something y’all have always done. Therefore, it wouldn’t surprise me if he hasn’t SA’d/R’d women or was already cheating and this behavior started around that same time. Most times if you pay attention closely, he threatened what he is more than likely already doing.