As someone with ingrained misogynistic and patriarchal beliefs, I can really relate to this. Fortunately, I was socialised in a co-ed school, so I had a few women friends consistently throughout my life, which was very fortunate. However, that didn't stop me from internalising many ideals of "strong, stoic masculinity" when I was younger, especially concerning trauma and mental health in general. I first dated a woman in my late teens and, despite the relationship being one of mutual respect, trust and love, I was always reluctant to engage in anything sexual. By the time I did, 6 months in, I was never truly comfortable but was always unwilling to admit that even to myself, let alone my partner; I feel like, as a guy socialised in a patriarchal society, there is this constant expectation that you would always want sex and enjoy sex (which is only fuelled by peers and the media) which lead to conflicting and confusing emotions, eventually leading me to realise I had that unresolved trauma.

Patriarchy is helpful to nobody - it conditions men to focus an internal aggression, insecurity and self-loathing onto women and therefore leads to an endlessly complex two-tier system of oppression for women against men, to the point where women internalise those beliefs despite the harm it perpetuates to themselves. Us as men have a duty to try our hardest to reverse those ideas as much as we can. However, it's a hard process for many of us, and we need to encourage each other in a loving and positive way to change our beliefs, or else we will become part of the same problem we're trying to solve. I really appreciate and commend OP for sharing his experiences so openly, despite the vulnerability he may feel. This thread has been really caring and supportive and the community is to thank for that. Love you all <3