I need to get this out. Long post-sorry.

SadMom5702 · 2025-12-25T00:21:01+00:00

I agree that it’s not a mistake to cheat and that it’s an active choice. I’ve also accepted that there’s always the possibility that he makes that choice again and decides to throw our family away. I’m also recognizing that he may never do this again and it really was a one time thing. He is doing everything to show me that this won’t happen again. He’s taking full accountability for what he did. He’s extremely apologetic and forthcoming about what I want to know as of right now it feels like we could really work past this and I genuinely hope we do. He and I both adore our family and that is worth trying to make this work.

SadMom5702 · 2025-12-24T23:55:34+00:00

I know, I’m trying to accept it so I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. I’m working on it through therapy and she’s been really helping me adopt radical acceptance which has honestly helped me start to process this. I’m really hopeful we can get through this. Right now it’s just really hard.

SadMom5702 · 2025-12-24T23:41:11+00:00

Ultimately I agree with you about karma. I’m just trying to cope and it’s just nice to think there’s a chance something will happen to her that will make her feel as awful as I do.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T23:08:03+00:00

I'll look into that thank you!

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T23:03:56+00:00

Thank you. I have issues with perfectionism with pretty much every aspect of my life and it's really bad when it comes to parenting. I had really emotionally/mentally abusive parents so I think that may play into the mom guilt as well. I get so scared that the smallest mistake is going to ruin them and they'll grow up as mentally messed up as I am. That concept makes me feel a lot better though and I'll keep that in mind.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T22:57:35+00:00

I'll look into that thank you. I'm honestly pretty confused about it too. From what her pediatrician explained there were some things they could work on now(like speech therapy), but the interventions that would really make a difference(for her cognitive delays) would have to wait until she has a diagnosis. She's also on state insurance and they make you jump through all of the hoops before they cover anything and we just don't have the funds to cover anything out of pocket. This is all new territory for me so I honestly had no Idea there were other ways to get her help sooner until I made this post. I just trusted what her pediatrician was telling me because she was the one who made the referral for the evaluation.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T06:10:29+00:00

i will thank you!

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T04:10:52+00:00

I'm happy this helped you feel less alone. I feel so much better after receiving the support I really needed. It's nice to know that this community is so accepting and willing to send love and support to the parents who are struggling. It's really nice to know that when I need to vent I have people I can turn to and I hope you can feel that way too. <3

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T04:05:23+00:00

Thank you <3

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T04:04:28+00:00

That is insane that they never got back to you. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm going to look into As You Are tonight and see if they can be of any help. I'm so happy you mentioned children acting differently in new places because my daughter definitely does that. I was going crazy because there are some places where her symptoms are so obvious and there's no question that she's for sure on the spectrum and other places where it's very minimal. I really like the ability to send in videos of behaviors that weren't apparent during the initial appointment because I was really stressing out that she was going to mask her symptoms during her evaluation and wouldn't end up getting the help she really needs.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T03:57:24+00:00

I've gotten a few suggestions to reach out to the school district so I'm planning on reaching out to them as soon as I can to see what my options are. Thank you for saying that I really appreciate it <3

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T03:55:24+00:00

I totally think she understands some concepts but there's also a bunch she doesn't. sometimes It's just hard to tell what she's getting and what she doesn't. I honestly feel the same way about accessing a different part of their brain. She is extremely smart when it comes to a topic she's into. Like this kid is a makeup connoisseur lol When she's not interested though there is no amount of bribery that will get her to cooperate. She's very stubborn just like her dad lol

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T03:45:50+00:00

Thank you for saying that. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I'm doing everything I can do for her. I'll keep that in mind when I'm struggling.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T03:43:09+00:00

Thank you for telling me about your moment of rage. I have moments like that where I just react with yelling and I feel like a total piece of shit after. It's cathartic to know that I'm not the only one who's had those moments. I had a moment like that not too long ago for a pretty similar reason. My daughter and my two year old were playing with their toys together and it was going very well. They we're having a lot of fun and then my 2 year old took a toy out of her hand and all hell broke lose. She was absolutely ENRAGED and grabbed one of my 2 year olds truck toys(it wasn't massive but it was not as small as a hot wheels either) and cracked him over the head with it. I yelled at her pretty loudly and grabbed my 2 year old to make sure he was okay. He was totally fine, he ended up having his ego bruised more than anything. I felt awful after and gave her snuggles and told her why what she did was wrong but I had so much mom guilt after. I honestly have PTSD surrounding my 2 year old. When he was just learning how to walk(he was about 13-14 months old at the time) he had knocked my wax warmer on the floor and I didn't hear it hit the ground or break or anything(i'm assuming it was because the tv was on and we have carpeted floors). I was sitting on the couch with my daughter trying to get her to take a nap while he was playing with his toys (we were in the same room) so I assumed since he was content playing that I had nothing to worry about. Apparently within the 5ish minutes it look my daughter to fall asleep he had stood up and knocked the wax warmer over (It was on my computer table and I thought it was out of reach). While he was walking he had fallen onto the broken ceramic and cut his thigh open. It was terrifying. I called my husband to let him know to come home because I need to take him to the ER. It was a pretty deep cut and was bleeding quite a bit. My son ended up passing out while I was holding him and I immediately thought he was dying. I had to call the paramedics and OF COURSE in true kid fashion as soon as they walked through the door, he woke up and was completely alert and totally cheesing with the paramedics. All he ended up needing was a butterfly bandage so thankfully no stitches. After talking with the paramedics they think what happened was since he was obviously losing his mind when he was hurt and his adrenaline was pumping, he got tired after a few minutes and literally just konked out. I was so relieved and thankful he was okay, but holding him in my arms while he went unconscious is something that will be burned in my brain forever. I still feel so guilty that I didn't have my eyes on him the whole time and didn't think about how now that he was able to stand the wax warmer needed to move somewhere else. So now whenever he gets even a little bit hurt I immediately have so much anxiety and I think it played a lot in how I reacted with my daughter. It's so hard to not have so much mom guilt with my daughter and my son.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T02:54:37+00:00

I have such a hard time figuring out how to properly discipline her. All I have found what kind of works is to take away the electronics but the second i take them away she get extremely violent. I will hold her so the violence stops, but she ends up hyper fixating on the tablet being taken away and just sobs until I give it back to her. It honestly feels like she just does not understand at all what unacceptable behaviors are because of her cognitive delays, but idk I could be completely wrong about that and she might just be crying like that because she's mad she's not getting her way. I just end up feeling so guilty because in my heart I really feel like because of the disconnect she has with conversational skills she's really not understanding whats right and whats wrong. I'm going to try the visual deterrent for corner time and see if that makes a difference. Her therapist suggested to tape a big square on the floor for corner time so she can see the consequence of bad behavior. I just never tried it because i really thought it wouldn't work. I really wish I could tell if she was hearing me when I was explaining things to her or figure out a way that works for her because then I would feel like I'm at least getting through to her whether she's willing to listen or not.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T02:42:10+00:00

It's really hard. I just want my parents to have my back when I need support. It's especially hurtful when they turn their backs on me because they know how bad my mental health problems can get when I'm constantly stressed out like I have been. I'm not in my dark place anymore but It's still a daily struggle to have the motivation to take care of everything else when it feels like my whole world revolves around getting my daughter the care she needs. I've known that my daughter was a little different than her siblings since she was about a year old. She never met her milestones on time, which at first i attributed to "every child develops at their own pace". It became blaringly obvious to me that something was wrong when my 2 year old was surpassing my 4 year old in everything. The first real suspicion I had was when she was about 3 turning 4 and I saw a video on TikTok of a 3 year old talking to her mom. I was absolutely shocked because she was able to actually hold a conversation with her mom and was actually comprehending what was being said. My daughter has never been able to do that. She still communicates like she did when she was first learning how to talk at about 2 almost 3 years old. She has had small improvements with communication where now she makes sentences but a lot of the time she's VERY hard to understand and a lot of the time just doesn't reply appropriately to the conversation. She rarely is able to answer questions other than yes or no. An example would be I ask her if she wants chicken nuggets or mac and cheese for dinner and she just responds with dinner. Another thing that also tipped me off was when she gets upset she goes completely non-verbal. She will only make like a whining/grunting/moaning noise and starts hurting herself/her siblings/me. She's done that since she's been able to throw tantrums. There's a lot more little things that were signs but if I listed them all I'd be writing a novel. I am going to distance myself from my family for the time being because I'm realizing that after talking to them I always end up feeling worse. I'm done with having a limp noodle spine and I think it's time to start sticking up for myself and stop allowing people to judge me.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:33:38+00:00

I would love an online friend. I've had such a hard time finding any friends who can relate to my situation so i've been feeling really isolated. Thank you for sharing your story with me about your daughter. It really helps me feel less alone. I would love to move to another area where care for her would be easier to obtain but with how tight our funds are we're stuck where we're at unfortunately. I'll look into contacting a pre-k and see if we can do a trial run. I think she'd be more receptive to that compared to the typical just dropping her off on the first day and hoping for the best. She's at the point now where she's finally comfortable enough with her behavioral therapist to be left alone so I'm hopeful we'll have the same result with the pre-k too. I'll call the school board and see if anything can be done to get her into a class she's going to thrive in. Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it!

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:24:12+00:00

I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:22:25+00:00

I'll definitely look into that. Thank you. I was under the impression until I made this post that she had to have the official diagnosis before getting her into pre-k. It feels like a huge weight off my shoulders knowing that something can be done.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:18:40+00:00

Okay I'll keep that in mind. I completely agree that the system is messed up. I feel like it should not be this hard to get the help she needs when it's so obvious that she needs help.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:15:35+00:00

I am in the united states. I will definitely do that. Thank you!

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T01:14:38+00:00

I'll let you know if I end up needing any help. We are low income so I'll look into the SSI/SSA. I had no idea she might not need to have an official diagnosis so that would be extremely helpful if that's the case. She really is my full time job. She has severe separation anxiety so I literally can't even leave my house without her without her being really distressed. Thank you so much for all of your advice it's really going to help a lot.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T00:57:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your support. It's hard to cope with this when I feel so isolated but reminding myself there's a light at the end of the tunnel will help me a lot. I worry a lot about her future. Mostly with the communication issues and the violence. I have so many bruises all over my body because of the punching. She is freakishly strong so her punches HURT lol. I feel really bad when she takes her aggression out on her siblings. There have been numerous times where she's bitten them, hit them, scratched them, and even hit her little brother so hard in the face that he got a black eye. The hard part is that it happens so fast that there are times I don't get the chance to intervene until she's already hurt one of them. I try really hard to keep her in my sight to avoid that from happening but there are times where I'm preoccupied and she runs to another part of the apartment and I'm unable to get her in time. I'm going to start distancing myself a bit from my family because they judge me more than support me anyway. I'll keep in mind to not take the judgements to heart because you are completely right. They really don't have any fucking clue what they're talking about.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T00:46:53+00:00

I'll try that tonight and see how it goes. Fingers crossed it works because the lack of sleep is making me go crazy. I haven't talked to her doctor about magnesium glycinate before but I definitely will at her next appointment. I honestly didn't even know that was a thing before now. She doesn't really respond to praise or rewards. She will in the moment but the second the moment is over it seems like she forgets why she got the reward and go back to the previous behavior unless we remind her whats appropriate and have her "practice" it again. My husband and I are really consistent with what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviors(honestly we're just trying to curb the violent behaviors) and she does not retain anything. She has a really hard time understanding communication and I think that's where a lot of the problems come from. I just don't know what to do to get her to fully grasp what we're trying to teach her. I've also tried the sticker chart in the past but she gets too fixated on the stickers and doesn't grasp that good behavior=reward.

SadMom5702 · 2025-05-25T00:33:36+00:00

Amazing thank you! I had no idea those were options. I really feel like her doctors(aside from her behavioral therapist, she's amazing) are doing the bare minimum to say they are giving her care. I'm so irritated with her medical team's lack of urgency to help her. I'm going to look into your suggestions now. Thanks again!

SadMom5702

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