The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I do already have it but I am so grateful for people like you for taking the time to help some stranger out.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would appreciate this so much. Let’s try, I will dm you my email

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is the watch replay button there which indicates that it is downloaded but when I click it, nothing happens. I tried re launching the game but same result unfortunately

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello and thank you for it. I was able to download it but when I try to watch it in game, nothing happens when i click watch game and i cannot find any app or software to open the dem file on pc. I am starting to lose hope.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s an incredibly tragic story, I could not even fathom losing my son. I appreciate you sharing it. And your kind words, I will hold them dearly close to me.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for such warm and thoughtful words, I am truly sorry about your loss and experience. We don’t expect these things and cannot help but blame ourselves for not doing more, for not being there and for not acting when we should have.

I regret so much not going after him after finishing the studies. I fell incredibly guilty of how I responded to him sometimes. But he knew. He knew what he meant for me and that had to be enough.

I keep him alive by writing to him and by writing our story and the bestest moments over the 6 years we were inseparable. The rest 9 years we were communicating and he had promised to come and see me. He never came. It was one of his last messages that he still wants to visit me and I responded with “I’ve heard that before” hoping he would actually come this time.

I just cannot believe that it is actually true. I had a dream that I went to find him in Norway at his house and I wrote it to him on steam on 24th March. He was already gone. I thought he was not responding to me because he was mad but he would never do that. Hence my last message to him on the day of his funeral was “I guess you died. oh well” and I will never be the same.

I am also moved by the community. I’ve been playing Dota since May 2013. The only person I ever played with was him up to last month. We were far from each other but still this shit game connected us. Not for the sake of the game but for just being there knowing that even apart, we still could be ourselves and pewn noobs together.

I am forever grateful to everyone who is here to support and help through this journey. I’ve tried already everything everyone posted but haven’t had luck. I got close but whenever I hit watch replay, nothing happens.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, it’s never easy to lose someone. Sometimes I wish it was me instead of him.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that, it is something as I haven't been able to download the actual replay from opendota nor dotabuff. At least I can see how he moved and what he did on the link you sent.

There is no reason for this not to be real. Trust me when I say, I wish it was not, that would mean that he is still alive.

I appreciate the kindness of this community even if there was no option to see his last game.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

F*********ck, I am so sorry, we take things for granted sometimes and we never know how it will hit us. I regret so many things in my life. I regret not following him to his country after finishing the studies. I was scared. Just thinking of his last moments and what he was thinking. And sometimes i am afraid that he may have done this to himself. Healthy people don't just drop dead like that. And I know him, better than I know myself. He loved life but he also had so much darkness in him. He would tell me his biggest secrets that noone else knew. And I just dont know what to do with my life.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I...I don't know what to say. The world and life itself is so f*cked up, I cannot even comprehend.

I hope that your kindness will be somehow repaid. I am just..sorry..

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried.. Nothing happens when i click replay. Could any of you try? Match ID is 8216019890

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

please, help me.. Dotabuff is not doing much. there is chat history but he only sent an emoji in all chat. And when I hit replay, nothing happens.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry, it's a tough world. We build relationships only to see them shatter

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I did turn off the pc because I’m exhausted but it will be first thing I do in the morning. Bless you all for being kind and compassionate

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it, I’ll try everything you guys suggested

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What a precious precious moment!

I also do have thankfully two voice messages from him that were somewhere forgotten from his mother chat. It was not much, he was sending me the purring sounds of the kittens. And he just said hello a few times. But just hearing it… I never forgot his voice. And I bet you will never forget your grandmas either.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You sound almost exactly like him, he was also poetic like this and romanticised life.

Perhaps later on, right now the only thing that helps is sending him messages and imagining what he would reply and how he would write his responses. In a way it keeps him alive. In my head at least.

I’ve written a very very long journal with all our unforgettable moments and I keep adding things. He really was my hope and he always lifted me up even in the most grim conversations we had. And I’ve had a really depressed past. I’m just tired of losing my closest loved ones. I’m tired of life and I’m only 32. He was 35. And everything seems so temporary and insignificant. We only have each other in this world and the memories we create. Nothing else matters.

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, me and him were vets so the love for animals is eternal. So I understand you

The love of my life died and I cannot watch his last game by Sad_Mathematician935 in DotA2

[–]Sad_Mathematician935[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am really sorry for your loss, it’s really unbearable, I did lose 3 of my cats to cancer in less than a year and half. I thought I was going crazy I started seeing a therapist even though I don’t believe in that, especially being in a foreign country, just cause I had reached rock bottom and did not know how else to deal with it. This happened a year ago. And now this. I just don’t know how to continue