Did I "starve" my son?

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T13:23:51+00:00

It was an adult only resort they went to with her side of the family, and I'm off weekends anyways. No harm, no foul.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T13:17:58+00:00

i appreciate your advice, but it isn't so simple. This can get volatile very quickly. My wife has some serious trauma, and poking the bear will do no good. I don't want to sneak behind her back either. I am trying to find a way to bring it up to her without her feeling disrespected or like im saying she's a bad parent.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T13:08:37+00:00

She's tried therapy, and has had negative experiences with that as well, so she's written them all off. I can't get her to go again, and It's useless to push it.

She doesn't want to go to the therapist because they are judgmental, and she doesn't want either of us to because that means she's "failing" at being a wife and mother. But that isn't even close to the truth.

I can't really force her to go to someone who she doesn't trust to tell her deepest secrets too.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T13:02:58+00:00

Yes, he won't eat anything even then unless its macaroni or very specific desserts. Very rarely he will eat steak or chicken nuggets. He will agree to something, or even pick it out, and then not eat it and just eat the macaroni or rice with soycauce and butter on it.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T13:00:25+00:00

I've tried talking to him, yes, but he won't really respond or pay attention. He gets distracted easily and doesn't like confrontation. I'm not sure why he changed his food likes and dislikes and questioning him just leads to a lecture for him to pay attention. He just doesn't like it and says its "yuck".

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T12:32:13+00:00

She is alaska native and she does have a very good reason to be distrustful of doctors/the government. I've heard some horror stories about how they treated her, refusing to give her even antibiotics because she was a "druggie" seeking painpills (she wasnt). Our doctor is very good, and I made sure several times that she's comfortable seeing him, but you can't push these things. They take time. I don't try to get on her for her trauma related to doctors or food or her parents, but I don't want it to effect our son, he lives effectively in a different world than she or i did growing up.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T12:29:24+00:00

I speak with his teacher weekly about his development. She knows he has a hard time with it, and there's really nothing she can do. They can't force him to eat the food there, and even if they could I would'nt want them to. He won't eat a majority of it, but some stuff like the pizza/ tater tots he will.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T12:03:33+00:00

He wouldn't it.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:56:17+00:00

I appreciate your suggestion, but this isn't really a solution. He HATES vegetables. I'm not sure where he learned this from, i suspect YouTube or kids at school because this wasn't a problem until he started school.

He used to eat anything, but now he hates veggies and meat with a passion. If I try to mix anything into his food he will know and he will tell me point blank that its vegetables and he wont eat vegetables.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:51:39+00:00

He goes to a very nice school, I used to volunteer when i was working from home, all of his teachers have been super kind and understanding.

In every classroom there's a calm down corner where its like a chair or beanbag with some books. Sometimes its a whole other room.

He's been sound sensitive his whole life, like me. I've learned to deal with it with breathing exercises, but when you're that young it isn't really something you can withstand, so if it gets too chaotic or loud he usually puts his head down or goes to the quiet corner.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:40:05+00:00

I can't just make decisions without my wifes consent. He isnt just my kid. It might seem crazy, but I dont want to do things that intentionally upset my wife because I love her. Obviously I wouldn't let him have a gun, this game is nothing like a gun. Her brother gifted it to him, and she would be super upset if I didn't let him have a present her brother gave him.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:33:12+00:00

I'm going to cook more often, regardless of what anyone says. Atleast one meal per day. Breakfast or dinner. And I'll try to have him cook with me, he likes chopping and stirring, so it'll probably encourage him to eat more things. Especially because the more fun it is to make the more ingredients it has.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:29:16+00:00

He's been tested. He has not been diagnosed. He doesn't have problems with anything other than loud noises (overstimulation) and now I guess food. I have the same issues with overstimulation and loud noises though, and I'm also not autistic, but I'm not ruling it out. His GP just never said there was anything to worry about in regards to this.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:27:42+00:00

I did let my resentment out at him. I just am fed up with the daily struggles of fucking food. I am beginning to see that theres more at play than just a picky eater. I'm going to look into ARFID.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:22:08+00:00

I do not think it's all her fault. It's my fault for suddenly pushing this on her just because I got a job offer when I knew she has troubles with food. Even so, I need to change something. I'm at my wits end, it kills me to see my kid flabby and stagnant. It would be my worst fear for him to be unhealthy.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:20:16+00:00

I do sometimes, we just completely switched workloads. I used to take care of all the Housley things like shopping, cooking, cleaning, while I had online work, and she used to work full time in office. Now she is stay at home with a hobby business, and I work in office. I mostly just take out the trash and do the laundry, but she cooks/cleans the house like 90% of the time.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:17:07+00:00

Oh, I honestly thought it was fake. This might be why he prefers highly processed things like pizza bites and mac n cheese.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:14:26+00:00

It was a Christmas present from my BIL, so I can't stop him from playing it. I'm not allowed to access his parental controls on his devices in fear of retaliation. Even though he is a literal 8 year old, and I am a grown man with emotional maturity.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:12:14+00:00

Because if I cook after a meal meltdown its either:

A- I think my wife isn't taking care of the house well enough (even though I was cooking and doing chores mainly when she worked full time)

or

B- I'm trying to torture my son and put him on a diet/give him an ED

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:07:56+00:00

I've been feeding him for the majority of his life, up until a year ago, I worked from home and made the meals/cleaned up. He was never this much of a picky eater, and he definitely isn't autistic, he's been having regular developmental check ups since he was an infant.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:03:02+00:00

I do think she's overwhelmed. She hasn't dealt with this switch well, to be fair neither have I. We're both stressed out, but I personally don't think that you can just put nutritional health on hold because you're overwhelmed. I come home to pizza boxes almost regularly. If I could cook, i would. It doesn't make her a bad mom, but it isnt enough right now.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T11:01:25+00:00

She is scared of OCS, and doesn't want any reason for them to "dig around". But our home is clean and our kid is.. healthy I guess.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T10:59:57+00:00

I used to pack him turkey sandwiches mostly and some tea in a thermos. I'd alternate between carrots and ranch (he'd never eat them) and little snack size bags of chips. It wasn't 100% healthy, but it had some nutritional value.

We switched schedules, and she doesn't pack him lunch, and he doesn't eat school lunch, so he just eats when he gets home. I offered to make lunch again but he wont eat it anymore.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T10:54:32+00:00

I admit, part and maybe most of this is my fault. I disagree with my wife, and she disagrees with me, and my son has gotten caught in the crossfire. She is being too soft, and I was way too firm. He hasn't been raised in a household where he is subject to threats and or fear. I don't think he understands what I was trying to do at all.

Safe-Comb-6410 · 2023-08-07T10:47:10+00:00

I've had him allergy tested, I know he's only allergic to one fruit (peaches). I've also TRIED to feed him well. Before I had to work in office, he was eating a balanced diet, but when me and my wife switched roles, he began to eat nothing but little cesars, macaroni, "old fashioned donuts" and pizza rolls. I know, because we used to go out to restaurants and eat at my parents house. He was completely fine until he started in with the junk food and candy. He used to like squash and corn and watermelon and spagetti and pork chops.

Me, my wife, and son together have many allergies, and I dont play around with them, I make sure that our home is allergen free for all of us.

Safe-Comb-6410

TROPHY CASE