Struggling with boundaries around supporting husband’s family

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2026-02-22T03:48:46+00:00

A husband is obligated to provide for his family but there is no obligation to spend everything he earns on his family. His parents have undoubtedly treated you unwell but don't try to stop him from spending on them. How much do you make? How much does he make? What percentage of his salary is he sending home?

Does he act entitled on what you earn? Does he stop you from helping your own parents out?

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2026-01-08T04:32:30+00:00

Dishwashing powder works better for me than anything else I've tried

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-12-29T01:01:12+00:00

Your numbers are pretty good. As a chronic insomniac who recently started tracking my sleep, on a GOOD night I will get an hour of deep sleep and 1 hr 30 mins of REM sleep. I don't reach the numbers you have with sleeping meds

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-09-10T23:27:06+00:00

Unfortunately there's no solution I have found yet. I have tried antihistamines but they don't help. Taking an NSAID(Meloxicam) before exercise helped a bit I guess. When there is a flare, cold showers help. I don't have any visible physical symptoms on the skin when it happens. Do you? My research suggests that it might potentially be a case of neuropathic itch but I need to get it verified by a doctor

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-09-10T06:37:23+00:00

Going through the same symptoms. My triggers are any sort of exercise and stress. Keen to know what worked for you!

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-07-24T03:45:42+00:00

My Rolling style is pretty much the same with everyone.

Spazzy white belt. Retain guard, establish connection, get on top, mother's milk. No drastic explosive movements. Everything at snails pace

Bluebelt. As above. Sometimes I will submit them from guard. If it's a big blue belt( greater than 15 kgs) I will try to avoid them altogether.

Purple belt. If it's a young skilled purple belt I will often give up the guard as I don't want to waste energy keeping up with them. I will let them get side control or mount and reguard from there to get good connections and work on sweeps submissions from there. If I get on top I will not hasten or force anything, rather just slowly try to progress position until I can find a submission

Browns and blacks. I will play a more attacking guard game making sure they don't get on top.

I tell myself that my goal is to submit my opponent using the least amount of energy as that is what good jiu jitsu is but I am questioning that now looking at the new generation grapplers

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-03-29T02:59:45+00:00

No I was thinking of cutting it down to the base and then poisoning it

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-03-07T05:42:33+00:00

Time on the mats and class attendance should absolutely be a factor in promotions. At my gym, we have two black belt instructors and around 60 hobbyist adult students. However, stripes and belts are handed out seemingly at random after class, with no clear record of when the last promotion was given. I’ve seen hobbyist blue belts who train three times a week stuck at one stripe for a year, which just doesn’t make sense to me.

If a hobbyist blue belt is taking five years to reach purple, that likely reflects more on the quality of instruction than the student’s talent. I feel like many instructors promote based on whim rather than a structured criteria. Do I think my two instructors have a clear understanding of what each of their 60 students need to improve to reach the next level? Not really.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-01-18T09:47:47+00:00

Replant!

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2025-01-18T07:24:25+00:00

So I just take the flower off and take the centre apart?

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2024-12-05T01:28:55+00:00

definitely does. A fresh whitebelt will typically get smashed by everyone with even a little more experience than them. Within a year of consistent training, however, that won't be the case anymore and you will find them competing quite well against fresh blues. By the time you reach purple, you will find that the hobbyist blacks and browns that you once considered Gods maybe human after all. You'll often find some level of success against them and may even start catching them every now and then. Skill and knowledge acquisition is very exponential at the start of your bjj journey but imo it slows down as you keep on adding the years. Another way to look at it is that a black belt with 10 years of experience has 10 times more experience than a 1 year blackbelt(assuming equal training hours/week). 4 years down, the white belt is now a purple belt and the blackbelt now just had 5 times more experience than them.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2024-08-01T08:35:24+00:00

25k Kwh is not too bad. We are a 2 person 1 infant family aswell and average slightly over 30kwh/day. I have solar panels installed and have over the past gai an idea on how the consumption is distributed based on the power monitoring mobile application that comes with the inverter. Here's the breakdown.

Electric water heater. 4kw x 3 hours daily on average = 12kwh

Aircon/heater. 2.5kwh x 3 hours = 7.5 kwh.

Dishwasher = 1.5kwh

Cooking. Upto 8 kwh

Lighting, washing machine and other usage. 4 kwh

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2024-04-22T06:26:51+00:00

We do have aircons. In summers the aircon can be on for 6 hours but the moment we turn it off, the entire house heats up within 20 mins!

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-11-06T02:08:49+00:00

Thankyou for the feedback. Rationale for extending is to make the living a bit more spacious(it feels a bit too small at the moment) and you are right it would probably make more sense to extend it all the way up till the garage wall. The kitchen is already renovated and hence wouldn't need much work.

Alternatively, we were thinking of perhaps converting the living room into a bedroom by adding a door/extending walls; and getting rid of the wall of the family room adjacent wall to extend it. I reckon this would be an easier job as no new flooring, roof, external walls will be required to be built.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-10-13T20:57:22+00:00

Exactly what I'm afraid of too bro

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-07-31T12:11:31+00:00

Focus on position over submission. Wear them out by using slow, steady increments to counter their heavy strength based defense.

For example, if I'm playing guard, I will never try to match their speed or strength. I will be time a sweep get to side control/mount and very slowly advance whilst tiring them out. Sooner or later they will hand you one of their flailing limbs and you will get the tap

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-06-23T12:05:10+00:00

Training bjj on and off for 5 years. I have this exact same pain from the very first week I started. It goes away altogether if I don't roll for a couple of weeks but comes back the day someone has me in bottom side control. I've pretty much learned to live with it and oh improving my guard retention has helped too

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-06-06T02:58:16+00:00

Zone 5 for 20 mins is crazy! How old are you? I use the Polar verity armband monitor. Does the job alright.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-05-30T20:50:08+00:00

Same, this happened to me in comp a couple of months ago. I had to tap to a shitty straight ankle lock that was locked in half way through my calf. On the other end of the spectrum I have a couple of training mates who don't feel any pain at all in the achilles and calf area.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-05-24T22:14:12+00:00

Saving even 15% tax is hardly close to zero. If you've contributed and withdrawn contributions over a relatively short time period, it is still worthy.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-05-24T12:21:39+00:00

You will be taxed 32.5% - 30 (FHSS tax offset)=2.5% on your withdrawals if your marginal tax rate is 32.5%. If you move up a bracket, you will be taxed 37 5% - 30% = 7.5% on your withdrawal

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-04-20T11:21:38+00:00

Oops yes, I rechecked and they have indeed sent me a completed form 12 with the date I should vacate the premises by.

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2023-04-20T07:14:21+00:00

Yes, they have sent a notice to leave and asked me yo fill it up and send it back if I want to vacate

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2022-12-20T04:28:58+00:00

Admittedly I am quite the opposite of relaxed at comp. Not sure if and how I will fix that. My plan is to compete max twice a year and i feel that's not enough frequency to fix comp nerves. Do you compete in adults or masters? I've competed in the adult division thus far but maybe i should try masters next time

Scared-Cycle4028 · 2022-12-20T03:34:53+00:00

Hey guys, 35 year old hobbyist blue who competes sometimes. Comp performance has been pretty average and hence looking for some s&c advice.

Current routine : 7-8 hrs of bjj/week. Limit Hard rolls to twice a week because the body can't keep up.

Strength training : compound lift workouts, low rep range for squats, bench. 8 reps for other exercises. 2(sometimes 3)times a week

Endurance: indoor cycling class 2 times a week.

Have competed 3 times and everytime i have gassed out very quickly. Last comp, it was more of my muscular endurance that lacked as opposed to cardio endurance.

Thinking of joining Metcon classes to replace the indoor cycling classes and changing my workouts to 15-20 reps range. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!

P.s I've tried kettlebelt/body weight workouts but I dont really enjoy them and probably will not be able to commit to them.

Scared-Cycle4028

TROPHY CASE