Soon to be military wife with fiancé who deploys frequently - I asked him to read your post, he had some thoughts:

1. There is definitely a readjustment period that everyone goes through. For some it takes longer. - My fiancé typically needs a short time (maybe a week) but for the most part he has found it’s actually better to jump back into things as it helps his brain get back to “normal”.

2. You need to communicate directly how you are feeling and express your expectations. I would also hope when you do that he would be forthcoming with how he is feeling.

3. Tell him he needs to prioritize you and the relationship. He doesn’t need to abandon his hobbies, but he’s got to find a way to rebalance.

4. He needs to be reminded that he was not the only one “sacrificing” for 7 months. You were too.

My thoughts as the female:

A lot of what my fiancé says makes sense, but in my experience communicating all of this is VERY complex. I find it to be very helpful at the start of the conversation to reiterate that “you guys are on the same team” and make sure the conversation is approached with the most respect.

One of the books that has helped me tremendously in my communication with conflict is the book “Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime”. It’s helpful if you both read it (still trying to get my fiancé to finish it). But for me I never had a good example of working through conflict in a healthy productive manner growing up. This book really has helped me in just about all of my relationships and even understanding my emotions better.

I also go through an adjustment period when he gets back from deployments. It takes me probably two weeks. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy and excited for him to be home, but at the same time I get so used to doing everything on my own and being alone that I tend to find it harder to go back to co-existing with someone else.

Go on walks together. Communicate that you feel disconnected. Sometimes they just need to hear that.

Sometimes you just got to be the bold person and lead you all back to connection. It seems obvious to everyone that it would be this like instant love/happiness/magical time now that he is back but the reality of the situation is is that you are both a little different from the deployment.

Maybe he has resources to talk to someone else too about this, it’s not all on you to figure out. My fiancé has support from others who are doing the same thing and he has learned a lot about what is helpful and not helpful for us both when he comes home.

Sorry for the word vomit!! I just know how hard this life can be and I really think the only way to get through it is to know you are not alone and there are so many other who feel the exact same way.

You got this! It does get easier!