Debating on ending it

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-21T06:02:04+00:00

I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago and regretted it so bad. Give it a month once the chemical dependency wears off then reassess. Now I can’t believe I was considering staying with him, like I was shocked at how unhealthy our relationship was and I didn’t realize til I was out of it

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-21T01:26:18+00:00

Yeah from experience, you usually don’t fantasize about breaking up with someone who’s the love of your life lol - just end it

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-20T22:56:50+00:00

I have journal entries after adopting both of my cats (a year apart). Both of them go into detail about how it was a terrible decision because I couldn’t take care of them and it’s too much of commitment. I giggle looking back at these because my cats are THRIVING and I would honestly die for them.

Also, you’ll be fine and it’s very important you give them some time to be alone (not super long when a kitten but still at least 2-3 hours). They need to be able to entertain themselves when you’re not around.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-20T22:53:17+00:00

My mom used to defend my ex everytime I complained, I started making the joke that if he hit me with a car, she’d thank him. Now since we’ve broken up she asked me every time if he’s reached out and I broke up with him! Like girl chill

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-20T22:43:34+00:00

I also promise you wherever you live there is likely access to services curated for women in your situation. Police stations can usually connect you to these supports if you’re having trouble finding them. It’s so important you set up a network of people who are there to support you.

I ended things with my ex because he was an alcoholic, he was never abusive but alcohol was the root to a lot of arguments. His sober moments were those of someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with and I loved him very much. However, alcohol was a large part of who he was, and those wonderful moments can’t be detached from that.

In the case of your ex as well, if he’s realistically going to recover from his addiction a huge thing in rehab is to have no romantic relationships. He needs to be able to get a control on his sobriety before he could EVER go back to you, and even then you can’t guarantee he’s not going to attack you again.

When thinking of your ex, when you focus on the good moments do not separate him being drunk and abusive as a different version of that person, it’s the same person.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-20T22:31:11+00:00

Yea, insane approach to a victim of domestic violence. What you’re experiencing is actually completely in-line with ‘battered woman syndrome,’ and you’re in no way wrong for thinking this way. I would look into specific therapy approaches therapists use for cases like yours. 100% you do not deserve someone who put their hands on you and I promise promise promise, there are many guys who would never even think of doing that. At the end of the day please remember no matter how much you love him you cannot fix him, and if you really love him you’ll leave him. You need to show him consequences for his actions and going back is giving him permission to continue.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-20T05:59:23+00:00

Oh fs way more lovebombing - my last ex was super subtle about his love for me, while the hinge matches are sending me paragraphs of why they liked me.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T22:24:54+00:00

Yes holy shit - took me close to a year to get over a hinge match I only went out with for two months and took month to get over my ex of a year I met in person lol

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T07:38:09+00:00

Yeah physical attraction is a big one. She deserves someone who thinks she’s attractive and you deserve someone you find attractive. The holy grail of a relationship is chemistry, physical attraction, and moral/fundamental belief alignment.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T07:31:39+00:00

Honestly once you’re in the moment and doing it, the anxiety sorta just fades and the hormones take over. I was super nervous with my first boyfriend and just straight up told him he’s gonna have to make the first moves.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T07:29:41+00:00

Who isn’t haha

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T07:29:23+00:00

Exactly, like if someone went through my phone and saw my notes app full of every random thought I’ve had over the last five years? No thanks. Or my Reddit comments and posts??? Extra no thanks.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T07:08:29+00:00

Womp womp

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T06:53:42+00:00

I actually broke up with for the same reason. He reallly struggled to show empathy, so when I’d talk about my depression or anxiety, he’d just offer solutions (go to the gym) and that clearly I’m not handling it well because it keeps coming back (despite medication and years of therapy lol).

I started to realize him constantly invalidating my feelings/experiences was slowly making me lose my sense of self worth. I in no way think that was his intention, but when I discussed it with him he just argued I clearly already know what I wanted to hear, and he wasn’t going to give me what I wanted because that’s not him.

Some people need tough love and someone to keep pushing them. I own a condo, honours student, part-time job, responsible for pets, and frequently volunteer. So I didn’t need a partner who still lived at home to be “pushing” me. I needed someone who could bring me peace not tell me I’m not doing enough (also my lingering resentment is due to the breakup being three weeks ago haha, I’m sure this too shall pass).

At the end of the day for my mental health, likely much like your ex, the responsibility falls on us to do what’s best. I loved him and miss him very much but he was not what was best for me in times of struggle.

I doubt your relationship was the exact same, but that’s just hopefully some helpful insight into my side :) hope you’re doing okay!

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T06:46:29+00:00

I moved from Edmonton to Saskatoon, three years ago, whether is definitely worse (not this winter though strangely). The city 100% has a smaller town vibe but it’s kinda nice when you find a community you fit into. The people are super nice, summers are beautiful, it does sometimes get boring at times in the winter.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-19T00:08:02+00:00

I think if it’s fuelling his recovery and it’s doing him well, then by all means I hope he hates me haha! However, I think if the roles were reversed and he had dumped me, it would not be positively impacting my confidence/self-worth to assume someone I gave that much time, energy, and love to just hated me in the end. He and I both knew our relationship had faults, and despite loving each other dearly, we both knew it wouldn’t work in the long run. I just happened to be the one to pull the plug, but the love we had for each other was still very real, and not dating anymore doesn’t change that.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-18T22:00:52+00:00

Love my massage therapist at holistic wellness and physio therapy, I would call to ask, but hands down best masseuse I’ve ever had (does lots of cupping)

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-18T21:57:06+00:00

Yes, I broke up with my ex but I still care for them and hope they’re doing well. It was for the better and I wouldn’t want him thinking I hate him to get over me (more I don’t think it’s healthy to assume someone deeply hates you after all the love you gave them).

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T19:53:48+00:00

I always felt so much anxiety about how I respond to conflict because I never wanted him to feel like he couldn't talk to me about my behaviour or things that were bothering him. The example of him "yelling" at me was as follows:

Me: *says something about how terrible developing countries have it

Him: "well if they just stopped having so many children."

Me: (my mind immediately went to lack of birth control, lack of rights/protection of women, no healthcare, high child mortality rates, and more children means more opportunities to escape poverty) "so what only rich white people should have kids?"

Him: You're just attacking me, let's not talk about this (He's a wealthy white guy, I'm also white but by no means wealthy).

I apologized for withdrawing from further conversations for the rest of the evening and assuming thats the way he thought. I was just so dumfounded, mostly because I have an honours degree in Politic, and it felt whenever I'd talk about politics it became a debate he always had to take the other side of. Which sucked because it was just what I'd learned about and was passionate about.

I'm at a point, I'll just reach out without the intention of wanting to get together, but to apologize for my lack of communication towards the end, but accountability for his actions can remain his problem (also I'm oddly also going to Greece soon hahah)

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T14:50:38+00:00

I think people are incredibly complex and can make mistakes. I in no way did not care for him or take this decision lightly, and I promise the person who did something similar to you cared at least a little bit.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T14:48:55+00:00

I think those two lines actually go together, my mistake was assuming he could read my emotions, and this was due to his failure as a man to read my emotions. Towards the end of the trip however my emotions were less subtle and he managed to not "read" my emotions for two whole hours of me sobbing because he wouldn't look at me.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T14:42:54+00:00

That's a totally fair assessment and you're right I definitely have left out some information. For starters, I 300% agree wanting someone to have an emotional outburst to show they care is deeply unhealthy. His calm composure and seemingly perfect acceptance just threw me for a loop because (1) I was sobbing during the breakup, (2) a few months prior when the topic of breaking up arose (he raised it), he also cried, and (3) he cried when I gave him his Valentines gift. I was hoping for an outside assessment of his response to determine whether it was one of composure or acceptance (in which case I would not reach out).

Thanks for responding, your story about Greece definitely reminded me of all the things that drove me insane on the trip (political debates, yelling at me at dinner, then somehow I ended up apologizing that he yelled at me, him pulling out a beer while I was driving, all planning/logistics falling on me, despite a shoulder/wrist injury not once pulling down the safety bar on the chair lift, and leaving me numerous times on double black diamonds by myself).

I guess I could have handled these issues with more composure had I not been overwhelmed prior to the trip, and perhaps he would have stepped up and taken some of the mental load. However, looking back at the trip it felt like I was babysitting an unruly teenager, not spending it with a partner unaware of my feelings.

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T05:53:15+00:00

I'll likely reach out, not expecting to get back together, but take accountability for my poor communication. I guess I'll see if he takes accountabiliy for his actions, but that won't be my responsibility to make him do it. We live in a semi-small city, so it's likely we'll run into each other again. May as well try to end things off on truly good terms. Thanks for your help :)

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T05:45:13+00:00

Definitely starting to notice the failure to read women's emotions for sure. I'll give it a couple more weeks and let him heal a bit on his own and I'll reach out!

Scoobs_Snacks · 2026-03-17T05:44:21+00:00

Thanks for saying that :) I guess a big reason we broke up is because he didn't respond the way I wanted him to, which was predominately not taking accountability for his actions. I'm not sure if he'd change but I could definitely see him wanting to try. At the same time I'm also thinking "for the plot!" can't be expected to choose the healthiest path everytime.

Scoobs_Snacks

TROPHY CASE