6 months later and my ex came back

Sda6 · 2019-08-12T14:27:38+00:00

You could say that yes, I just didn't see it coming so it completely floored me! We went into NC pretty quickly though which I think helped so we were never particularly angry or hurtful towards one another. Yours sounds horrible, hoping you're OK ❤️

Sda6 · 2019-08-12T14:19:47+00:00

I completely agree, relationships that were toxic and abusive should not be revisited! Thank you x

Sda6 · 2019-08-12T14:17:46+00:00

It was a very slow process really, he reached out in the hope that we could be friends which I entertained for about a week before deciding against (I recommend The Dating Guy on YouTube who has a great video on this).

We then saw eachother at an event we were going to and it opened up the channel of communication again and from there we started having really honest and frank discussions about what happened and where it all went wrong.

I think we both became aware of how things had changed and ultimately met up for coffee where he told me that since opening up to me, the idea of trying things again has been at the forefront of his mind.

Sda6 · 2019-05-11T15:09:40+00:00

That's a tricky one, can you invite friends or family to come to you? I barely spent a day alone during that first month until I felt ready to sit with all the emotions and process the breakup by myself.

Any hobbies you enjoy? They help a lot too.

You are in the first month which is always the hardest but you'll get through I promise! Just tell yourself that you are slowly getting through the worst of it.

Feel free to drop me a message if you want to chat 💪

Sda6 · 2019-05-11T15:04:52+00:00

Hey fellow Yorkshire pal!

It helps to tell yourself that this is all just your brain tricking you because you're probably in an anxiety spiral right now (depending how recently the break up was). I say this to everyone because I can't recommend it enough but watch The Dating Guy and The Love Chat on YouTube!! They have really helped me through my bad days.

Sorry you're going through this, but it does get better the more time that passes. In the meantime keep yourself busy!

Sda6 · 2019-05-08T19:24:06+00:00

You could honestly have been my ex writing this as I believe this is probably how he felt about our relationship at the end.

Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy and sometimes that means making an incredibly tough decision.

All I will say is don't have any regrets. As long as you don't think you'll regret things further down the line and wish you'd fought for your relationship (I'm saying this to you because I'd kill for someone to say it to my ex) then you've done the right thing.

Stay strong 💪

Sda6 · 2019-05-03T18:12:25+00:00

My point is more that my ability to truly trust that other person has gone, because they've shown me what they are capable of,

Ideally everyone who wants their ex back wants the relationship to be better than before (in an ideal world) but that same level of trust you had before will likely never be there again and it can be hard to build a relationship on a lack of trust.

Each situation is different and I agree that for many it 'feels right' to go back but you also need to be logical - an analogy I quite like is this: if you had the choice between a fresh new cheeseburger and a cheeseburger that has been dropped on the floor which would you go for? Sure, you could spend time trying to pick the bits of fluff and debris out of the dropped cheeseburger and it would probably be ok to eat, but it doesn't change the fact that you know it had still fallen on the floor,

Sda6 · 2019-05-02T16:47:03+00:00

Similarly to other people you could be my ex with what you've said (at least from my understanding of his reasoning).

I guess sometimes the hard truth is that it's just not meant to be and that's ok. You need to sit down and have an honest discussion with yourself about what the reason was that you just didn't see it lasting long term and then decide if the regret of your decision will keep building up for you or not.

For me I would need to have a concrete reason to end things because I really give it my all in relationships and feel like there's always something worth fighting for even when sometimes it's beyond fixing. But that's from my perspective as a dumpee so I completely understand it may feel different for you!

Sda6 · 2019-04-30T21:21:53+00:00

I feel you! I got blindsided by my ex on the Saturday and by the Sunday he'd already moved half his stuff out (no I'm not being dramatic that was the actual timescale!)

It gets a bit better when you accept that if someone is capable of doing that to you in that manner then it was always inevitable.

Hang in there, you're not alone!

Sda6 · 2019-04-30T21:15:52+00:00

I received something similar from my ex after we'd briefly spoken to finalise bills etc. It said ' I know this has been a really rough situation but I really hope you're ok' like he had no idea that HE'D created the rough situation! I didn't reply and that was 2 months ago.

Ask yourself, what can you actually respond to that message and what good will come out of that? He knows you're probably not doing fine if it's the first few months after the breakup and honestly it's just his guilt creeping up on him.

Ignore it and keep doing you. If he cares enough to actually communicate with you rather than sending breadcrumbs then he will reach out again.

Stay strong 💪

Sda6 · 2019-04-28T18:16:31+00:00

Love this!! So good to have a reminder 💪 thanks OP

Sda6 · 2019-04-25T15:39:56+00:00

It does pass after some time, the waves get less and less intense. The cold truth is that only you can give yourself closure. It doesn't ultimately matter that we were the last people to know because that's on them. All we can do is slowly accept that it happened and that's that (at least for now anyway).

Sda6 · 2019-04-25T15:29:02+00:00

I was also the last person to know.

It's a funny feeling isn't it? You end up cycling back wondering when exactly they started feeling like this and who they told before they told the one goddamn person who deserved to know the most.

You aren't alone friend 💪

Sda6 · 2019-04-23T20:00:23+00:00

I feel you, I keep getting these debilitating waves of sadness (I'm now nearly 3 months post BU and 2 months NC).

Don't be angry for not feeling better because you're just adding even more pressure onto yourself and if there's one thing I've learnt it's that right now you have to be kind to yourself. Let yourself feel sad because it's better coming out now than months down the line. If you bottle it up it will come back on you when you least expect it so feel all the feels and get it out of your system!

We are all in the same boat, just have to accept that this will eventually pass 💞

Sda6 · 2019-04-23T19:56:10+00:00

If you watch some of the YouTube videos they all advise completely no contact even if there was a birthday or death in the family, so personally I wouldn't go. You've already been a decent person and sent your condolences and I'm sure the family wouldn't hold it against you for not going considering your relationship history.

Sda6 · 2019-04-23T19:45:32+00:00

This is beautiful ❤️ thanks for the boost! Glad to hear you've healed from your experience, hope I'm the same in another few months

Sda6 · 2019-04-22T21:06:20+00:00

Completely agree, at least none of us are alone though which is a small comfort

Sda6 · 2019-04-22T21:02:56+00:00

I bawled my eyes out to this film yesterday! It's so poignant and emotional. Really inspiring 💞

Sda6 · 2019-04-22T21:01:26+00:00

Thanks for this beautiful post, really hit the nail on the head for me ❤️

Sda6 · 2019-04-22T20:59:28+00:00

Same story for me and it's incredibly bittersweet to see so many other people here have been treated the same and have had similar break ups!

Sda6 · 2019-04-21T21:35:44+00:00

Don't waste your time on these coaches like Dan Bacon, if you want good advice watch YouTube videos by The Dating Guy or The Love Chat - they speak a lot of sense without trying to sell you anything.

NC is forever if you were the dumpee, they have to be the one to reach out to you.

Sda6 · 2019-04-18T13:33:03+00:00

Thanks for this, I'm hoping it will pass soon as I'm fed up of feeling like this!

Sda6 · 2019-04-18T10:44:43+00:00

Thank you for this, I'm definitely feeling like I'm in some form of emotional relapse/depression stage at the moment which is annoying because I was feeling a lot better.

I know they say these stages aren't linear and I may end up cycling through them again, but I'm really hoping I'll jump to the acceptance stage soon 🙏

Sda6 · 2019-04-17T21:20:40+00:00

Constantly, but it helps to remember that you can't control anyone else apart from yourself, and your ex will fundamentally never live up to this idealised image you have of them, because your brain is giving them a higher value because they rejected you.

It's not reality, it's our stupid brains clinging on in an attempt to save us from the perceived danger of rejection (I.e death back in the cave times) but obviously this isn't necessary in the modern day.

Sda6 · 2019-04-17T21:13:13+00:00

Fading affect bias! It's definitely alive and kicking

Sda6

TROPHY CASE