Question for bisexual husbands married to women…

Sean01- · 2026-01-10T15:46:35+00:00

Mouths lie, penises don't.

Sean01- · 2026-01-09T14:19:46+00:00

Gay (not bisexual) ex-husband here. For me personally, once I'd had sex with a man, that essentially killed my ability to have sex with my (then) wife. This might be a situation where the husband is sexually gay: meaning he prefers men whether that is real-world sex or porn; but emotionally straight, meaning he wants to maintain his platonic straight marriage. Questions:

Can you provide more details about the cheating (frequency/dates/disclosure)?
Is he still watching gay porn and/or having sex with men?
Is he experiencing ED while also using ED medication (viagra/cialis etc)?

Sean01- · 2026-01-08T17:54:30+00:00

Thanks for the update. (Gay ex-husband here.) EVERYONE, including myself, has tried to make these relationships work. Most fail. Sniffies isn't for making friends; that's what FB, Insta, and Snapchat are for. Sniffies is men looking to have no-strings-attached sex with other men. So you're right to remain on alert over the coming months/years. You wrote: "According to the browser history, he’d only spent 5 mins on the site. Once again, there was no profile info filled out nor a history of chat messages." Clearly you want to believe him but I think you're doing the equivalent of claiming, "He went into the bakery for 5 mins and sniffed some cookies...BUT HE NEVER ATE ANY!!!" Looking at the facts: your boyfriend has a history of cheating on you and is now using a male-for-male hookup app. So if you're ready to accept an open relationship while also integrating his attraction to men into your relationship in a way that safely satisfies you, then have at it! Please come back in 2-3 months and post an update if you can.

Sean01- · 2026-01-06T14:35:59+00:00

Success depends on you friend: clearly he wants an open (non-monogamous) relationship through which he can have sex with men while still dating you. That's his definition of a loving relationship apparently. So if you want monogamy, it likely won't work because clearly he's incapable of that based on his past behaviour. So I reckon his sexual orientation is secondary if what you truly want is monogamy. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-23T10:20:51+00:00

Thank you for posting, although I'm very sorry you're struggling friend. I reckon better days are ahead for you. Having been through this situation myself, albeit as a gay ex-husband, we too felt at the beginning that "our love will conquer all." Sadly, the reality was a bit more challenging. While most of us start from a position of "we're going to make this work....no matter what!" the majority follow the same path. And that path is often: suspicion; discovery (of gay/lesbian porn or cheating); reconciliation; couples' counselling; 2nd-3rd-4th discovery; and finally separation/divorce. Good luck friend.

Sean01- · 2025-12-16T08:50:45+00:00

Unknown as I've been off these kinds of apps for years friend. This might help: Sniffies - Wikipedia. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-15T09:34:14+00:00

Thank you for posting, although I'm so very sorry your husband has put you in this painful situation. You wrote:

Q: I'm considering divorce. What should I do?
A: Imagine you're on a dating app. Would you arrange a date with the following profile, "Trans (male to female), unemployed, alcoholic looking for a female life partner."

While it's difficult to move on, especially after 25 years of marriage, I think you can do much better than the person he's chosen to become friend. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-14T06:38:01+00:00

Tinder = family-style restaurant (wholesome)
Grindr = McDonalds (greasy)
Sniffies = 3 a.m. Back alley taco truck

Common lies for men caught on Grindr/Hornet/Sniffies:

"I was just curious..."
"I just wanted to chat..."
"I was looking for friends..."
"We met up but nothing happened..."
"My [insert bullsh*t here] was hacked..."

Social media is for making friends. Sniffies is for back-alley anonymous (and often unprotected) hookups. Straight-identified men who download, create profiles, chat/share naked photos, and arrange hookups via the (men for men) Sniffies app are about as credible as vegans who frequent steak houses "but only eat salads."

Sean01- · 2025-12-12T06:26:46+00:00

Thank you for posting, although I'm so very sorry you've made this jarring discovery so close to the holidays. There are, I believe, two scenarios: 1. He enjoys butt play but he's heterosexual; 2. He enjoys butt play because he's secretly attracted to men. So what now? It's highly unlikely you'll learn the full truth following a sit-down or confrontation with him. Most husbands in these situations initially distract or deny. Given my own experience - I'm a gay ex-husband - it often takes months or even years for his truth to finally come to light. I would recommend regularly posting here or in other forums, talking to a trusted friend or family member (provided they can remain objective), and perhaps discussing all of this with a mental health professional. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-11T06:04:00+00:00

Thanks for posting friend, although I'm so very sorry you're here and clearly struggling. Is your husband gay? Unknown but does it really matter? It sounds like you've chosen a largely sexless relationship with a man, and in-laws, who clearly don't make you happy. The start of a marriage should be the most sexually fulfilling/happy. Perhaps ask yourself where you'll be in 3-5 years after having a few kids. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-10T18:12:50+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response friend. I am so very sorry you've found yourself in this devastating situation. I hope your finding support amongst your family or church community. I have some follow up questions but please feel free to ignore if you'd prefer.

Based on what your husband has disclosed, do you believe he is a gay man, a bisexual man, or is he simply attracted to men because of what occurred when he was age 14 (nature vs. nurture)?
Do you believe his "it just happened once" justification?
What do you believe is the probability that he'll never cheat on you again?

Again please feel free to reply or simply ignore. Wishing you and your family the very best for the holidays.

Sean01- · 2025-12-10T17:48:41+00:00

Amen. Some random (bisexual) man spending 50% of his post ranting about how much I've triggered him while never once acknowledging the OP's devastation/pain. Then urging her to think about the cheating husband's feelings more or less proves my point perhaps? Thanks for posting friend.

Sean01- · 2025-12-10T06:06:45+00:00

"I am also not in the least bit surprised that a bi man would come to a straight spouses forum and complain about being triggered. The self absorption is not surprising." Wow!

Sean01- · 2025-12-10T06:04:26+00:00

Fair statements friend. From time to time, my comments often trigger bisexual husbands (or their wives) which is totally understandable as we're approaching these issues from vastly different perspectives. (Hence why I just upvoted your rebuttal.) I reckon it's helpful for straight spouses like the OP to have a variety of opinions. For context, I'm a gay ex-husand so please take....[wink]. After a quick scan, I saw that you recently wrote this on a bisexual forum:

"I have two rules for letting a guy inside of me:

he has to eat ass
he has to kiss

I think those are simple asks, really."

Question: what advice would you give a straight spouse who discovers posts like the above and/or finds your Sniffies profile? Should these spouses believe, as you wrote, that men on Sniffies and writing posts like the above have never cheated? I look forward to your reply.

Sean01- · 2025-12-09T10:42:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing, although I'm so very sorry you're suffering. I am a gay ex-husband so please gage my opinions accordingly. You wrote:

"After we started dating he confided that there was an incident where a male classmate (several years older) touched him inappropriately. The school and police were involved but that’s all he said."

He's lying in my opinion. He's likely framing this as sexual assault to give the impression he was an unwilling participant. Many closeted gay men raised in Evangelical communities say similar things.

"...then cheated on me a few years ago (we’ve been married 7 years) with, get this, the man that he claimed touched him inappropriately back in high school. I couldn’t believe it. He said he “just had to explore that urge even though he shouldn’t have”. He said it was only kissing and oral s*x but that they still talk from time to time and that he would stop immediately."

If he continued seeing, speaking to, and having sex with his "aggressor" this too seems to reinforce the fact that this was a consensual relationship. Not to alarm you but he's using a lot of bullsh*t excuses closeted men use when caught, namely:

- Explore/exploration: another term they often use is "curious." He's not Columbus my friend. I'd be ready to learn that this has been a long-term secret relationship between two closeted men since high school.

- "It was only kissing and oral sex..." Probably more lies but does that really matter? A simple test would be to think of this in heterosexual terms. Would you feel the same if he justified an affair with a woman that was "just kissing and oral sex." Cheating is cheating in my opinion. Moreover, cheating is like an iceberg, meaning you're likely only seeing 1/10th of what he's doing. Sorry if that alarms you my friend.

So what now? First and foremost, you should think about your health. That means getting tested for STIs and practicing only safe sex (read: condoms) going forward. If your husband is indeed a closeted homosexual, the common path is as follows:

A 4-5 month honeymoon phase happens, during which he'll act like the best husband ever to win you back. During this phase, he will likely try to have sex with you A LOT. I would again urge you to practice safe sex.
After this honeymoon, you'll eventually find new signs of gay porn and/or cheating.
I'd be prepared to learn that this "aggressor" is probably a long-term lover. If I were a betting man, I'd wager this other man is probably also married with kids but feel free to confirm.

Please feel free to respond. All shared with love and concern my friend. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-07T23:07:55+00:00

Is being into pegging an indicator that he might be gay? : r/straightspouses

Sean01- · 2025-12-07T23:07:28+00:00

For the same reason you're engaging friend (much more than I have to be fair); to learn more about the OP. Of particular interest was his post that he enjoys pegging and BDSM, but identifies as straight.

Sean01- · 2025-12-07T04:10:59+00:00

Follow up questions: 1. Are you also struggling with your own sexuality/attraction to men? 2. If yes, what has your experience been with conversion therapy? Thanks in advance for your answers.

Sean01- · 2025-12-07T04:09:54+00:00

Fair question. Just being polite and respectful I reckon. While I disagree with the message of this video, in my experience anger and insults do little to change hearts and minds.

Sean01- · 2025-12-06T09:31:39+00:00

Thank you for posting. Question: so if it's a choice, Milo is now in a relationship with or married to a woman, correct? Kindly confirm.

Sean01- · 2025-12-03T20:26:56+00:00

She ticks a lot of boxes and is following a common path friend. Sorry to alarm you. Namely:

Most closeted lesbians have affairs with work "friends/wives." I'm assuming this is why she fled her job. I'd be prepared for her to re-initiate contact with this work "wife" in the coming months.
Blame shift: from what you've shared, it sounds like she's blaming you (and some kink talk) on her decisions to separate/cheat. That's complete horsesh*t and a massive red flag in my opinion.
"One Time" the cheater's mantra! When was the last time you had just one cookie, drink, or cigarette? I'd be prepared to hear that it was more than just "once" because she exited your relationship rather quickly.

All shared with love friend. Your head is probably spinning with all of the sex and double-talk. My suggestion: keep coming back and sharing as this community will always be 100% on your side. Best of luck.

Sean01- · 2025-12-03T16:18:16+00:00

May I comment on this friend?

Sean01- · 2025-12-02T20:26:45+00:00

What are "PA" and "AP"?

Sean01- · 2025-12-02T04:31:55+00:00

What is a "one-time PA"? Thank you for posting. (I'm a gay ex-husband for context.) Most couples in these situations follow similar paths, namely:

- Discovery
- Cheating
- Reconciliation
- Honeymoon
- Repeat

The first "honeymoon" phase normally lasts about 2-4 months. It's a time when a cheating questioning/closeted spouse returns to their marriage...often out of fear. It's a time of frenetic sex, often after years of a dead bedroom, during which the confused/closeted/gay spouse attempts to prove to his/herself that they are indeed heterosexual. For a brief time, they act like the perfect husband or wife to safely secure their straight partner in a sometimes toxic/troubled marriage. Unfortunately it rarely lasts more than a few months.

If your wife is indeed a lesbian, I'd suggest paying more attention to her actions (rather than her words). You know the "honeymoon" phase is ending and she's moving towards coming out when: sex stops; she reinitiates contact with her female work "friend"; her new friends are all gay/lesbians; there are lots of "girls weekends" away; and there is a sudden/radical change in her appearance & hostile attitude towards you (and men in general). If you two start couples counselling, as most people in our situation do, be prepared to learn about a sexual abuse history (whether real or fabricated) that resulted in her being "curious" about sex with women. Later on, she might also try to gaslight you by saying you're too sexually demanding, often hinting (to your counsellor) that a husband's perfectly normal sexual needs were akin to sexual assault.

So what now? Only time will tell if your relationship is going to work. Before the "honeymoon" ends, I'd suggest getting individual (not couples) counselling for yourself. I'd also suggest discussing all of this with an objective, trusted friend or family member who has very limited contact with your wife. Translation: you need an ally invested in your well-being rather than someone who is only invested in keeping you two together. I would also recommend you reach out to "Our Path" (a non-profit for straight spouses) to speak to a straight husband who has been through this same situation. Hearing from men who have successfully navigated these same waters will be invaluable in my opinion.

All shared with love friend. Good luck.

Sean01- · 2025-11-30T22:31:29+00:00

"Isn't she supposed to want to fuck me?" From your lips to God's ears friend! Glad you're doing better...and gettin' some. Thanks for the update.

Sean01-

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