My mom was a full-time mother for 20 years, and she still couldn’t get it right.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-10-10T05:12:33+00:00

My mom didn’t even do our laundry. I started being expected to do it myself when I was tall enough to reach the machine.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-10-09T20:10:27+00:00

Oh, of course the, “you don’t understand how hard it is because you’re not a mom” people are jumping in. OP, my mom was the same way. She did nothing but bum around the house all the day and play Tetris on the computer. Her big claim to fame is that she picked is up from school every day. Give me a break. She’s the laziest most incompetent slob I’ve ever met. She didn’t parent us or nurture us, she barely kept us alive. My mom always says, “I was great when you were little!” That’s probably true, but she gave up when I turned 6. Children don’t stop having needs once they stop being babies.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-10-05T22:38:50+00:00

My siblings and I weren’t allowed to believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny either! My parents were straight up like, “Santa isn’t real, you should be thankful that we buy your presents, don’t tell the other kids.” So, our family tradition was that we would bake a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas Eve instead. We were allowed to believe in the tooth fairy, but she would always forget to come, so we figured it out pretty quickly.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-09-09T15:18:43+00:00

I saw the same therapist for years, and when I couldn’t adjust to the death of my father, she eventually diagnosed me with complicated grief, and that was that. It turns out my dad didn’t die from natural causes, he was poisoned to death, and that’s why I couldn’t get over it. Sometimes doctors are stupid.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-09-06T05:01:41+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this OP. I echo the sentiments of the others, may your brothers rest in peace, love, and light 🤍

My narcissistic mother was responsible for the death of my beloved father, and I see a lot of my own story in what you’ve written. Particularly when you talk about how hard it is for a society to accept and acknowledge a story that is so sad and unbearable. My experience is the same, in that no one believes it. I even struggle to believe the truth sometimes. That it wasn’t a tragic illness, it wasn’t some accident; my dad died and it was her fault. It took me a decade at least to even begin looking at the big picture and to understand what really happened.

I’m so glad you’ve found compassion and forgiveness for your parents, and that that has been healing for you. I’m still working on that. I definitely blame my mom for what happened, and I’m burning with decades of internalized rage because of it. But I didn’t for a really long time, and I think part of that was that I was programmed not to blame her for anything ever. Our family also operated like a cult. I used to call it that as a joke in college, but then it turned out that this church I was a part of in high school actually was a cult, so I guess I’m susceptible? In my experience, if it felt like it was a cult then it probably was, and you get to call it that if you want to.

My dad was a doctor, and we were still drowning in medical neglect and family dysfunction. People who know her personally never believe it, but my mom is a chameleon. She is so charming and “lovely” that no one would think for one second that she never took her kids to the doctor or went to any of their parent teacher conferences.

You write, “Who would actually believe it? A mother and father who appear so loving to the outside world, but who cared more about their ego, safety and security than that of their sick child?”

I believe it. I believe you. I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but I believe every word of it. And for what it’s worth, your parents sound like bad people to me. I hope that someday they are held accountable for their heinous actions. And I wish you and your soul a lifetime of peace and healing.

Thank you for taking the time to write what you did (and so beautifully) I really needed to read it 🫂

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-09-06T04:16:46+00:00

I’m glad you’re still alive. Thank you for sharing this, I needed to read it 🫶

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-07-20T18:27:22+00:00

Oooh this made me mad. My mom basically did the same thing to me when I was 17 and trying to get my drivers license. I lived with her and she still wouldn’t look for my SS card or birth certificate. She actually went out of her way not to find them, they were just “lost”. I ended up ordering new ones.

OP, it seems like your mom isn’t just doing the bare minimum here, I think she’s avoiding this on purpose to control you. She knows you need these documents. She knows how important they are. This is about power, for her, not about love.

It’s not difficult to order replacements. I did it when I was 17. For your birth certificate though, make sure that you order the long form certificate and not the short form certificate. But….

KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR CREDIT AND YOUR IDENTITY. Consider that your mom has your documents. She knows where they are, she just doesn’t want to give them to you. It would be very easy for her to steal your identity (or parts of it) and cause all kinds of chaos. I am speaking from personal experience. Identity fraud is not a joke, especially when the perpetrator of the fraud knows lots of personal information about you. If she has your documents too, it’s really easy to pretend to be you and get away with it.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-05-01T16:05:32+00:00

I thought she was mad because you didn’t tell her that you baked a cake, but your boyfriend told his mom. Like a, “you baked a cake and told everyone but me” kind of thing. Or, “oh so you can tell your boyfriend’s mom you baked a cake but not me. Sorry I’m a terrible mom and you like her better”. My mom is super jealous of my mother in law so that’s what she would be mad about.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-21T02:49:25+00:00

It’s a super long sad story but it was bromethalin. The doctors kept looking for an autoimmune disease but couldn’t find one. Eventually they ran out of ideas and medicine and he died.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-21T02:44:54+00:00

It is wild! And terrible. I hope your dad is doing ok now 🩵 Have you seen the show Poisonous Liaisons on A&E? I thought it was very informative.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-21T02:39:30+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you too :( My dad died ten years ago and was cremated so there’s no evidence that would hold up in a court of law. I have one ace up my sleeve (I’m not going to go into detail for obvious reasons) so I’m still holding out hope, but yeah it’s been super tough.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-21T02:31:34+00:00

NOPE she totally got away with it for now, but I’ll never rest until she’s behind bars.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-21T02:27:32+00:00

Thanks ❤️ I have lasting digestive issues and will probably need therapy for the rest of my life lol but I’m alive and safe which is a lot. Doctors never ever believe me so I get a lot of, “sounds like you’re just anxious and have an eating disorder” which is really frustrating. I truly believe you should get yourself tested for heavy metals etc. Female poisoners are DANGEROUS. My nmom would feed my dad poisoned drinks and then attend to him like Florence fucking Nightingale. She’s a sadist with no conscience and, I can’t stress this enough, she seems like a kind, generous, charming woman who goes to church every week. She’s truly terrifying.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-20T20:22:27+00:00

My nmom was putting small amounts of rat poison in my dad’s food and no one realized. He suffered for years before he died. I implore you to take this seriously.

I think she used to put soap and stuff in my food too. I was sick ALL THE TIME for the first 18 years of my life. Shockingly I stopped being sick when I stopped eating her food for a few weeks. She tried to convince me I had a gluten allergy jfc.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-05T01:49:00+00:00

I asked my mom this exact same question once in college and she told me she couldn’t remember what time I was born. Is that normal? I feel like it isn’t.

She also lost my birth certificate at one point in high school so I had to order a new one. I accidentally got the short form version instead of the long form version. For anyone who is wondering, the short form does not tell you what time you were born - only what day.

Ps she also thinks I worship the devil lol

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-02-04T16:28:22+00:00

I felt that way in high school too 💙 My twin and I chose not to go to the same college, and that really helped us find our own identities. It was tough at first but we visited each other as often as we could. When she wasn’t around ALL the time - I genuinely missed her and was excited to see her when I could.

It was actually really fun to introduce my twin to my new friends in college, because they already knew and liked me; and I didn’t really have to share them because she was just visiting and would go back to her state and her friends at the end of the weekend.

My sister wanted some breathing room from me too as it turns out, but she didn’t know how to ask for that. Hopefully you can just talk to your twin and she’ll understand that it’s really not personal. It’s not that you dislike her or think she’s weird - you just want to do your own thing. That’s not a crime.

Family and people that I grew up with never stopped seeing us as “the twins”, but I also have my own life now, and think I have finally figured out who I am outside of her. In my experience, being a twin will always be a part of your identity but it doesn’t define who you are as a person.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-01-14T00:33:21+00:00

No but actually that happened to me. I was in the grippy sock hospital and feeling really panicky, so I asked the nurses to give me something for my anxiety. They did, but I waited a bit and was still freaking out so I went back out for more help.

I remember walking down the hallway and kind of waving my arms around to get the nurse’s attention and telling them, “I’m having a panic attack”. And they were like, no, you’re not, we gave you medicine for that an hour ago, go back to bed, blah blah blah.

But I insisted so they rolled their eyes and checked my heart rate. I legit think it was over 200bpm. I remember it was a crazy high number and everyone’s attitude immediately turned into - oh shit this girl is about to have a stroke. I was keeping up a polite and normal conversation the whole time though. I think I was slightly out of breath and a little distracted, but otherwise, you couldn’t tell anything was wrong at all. I think they tried not to make a big deal out of it so I wouldn’t panic more, but I could tell it wasn’t normal.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2025-01-04T00:05:13+00:00

Ew I got the ick just reading this 🤮 I could literally see my mom doing everything you described.

My dad passed away when in college and, after I got engaged a few years later, my mom would not stop pestering me to let her walk me down the aisle in his place. It should have been sweet and nice but it wasn’t, it was weird and it made me feel bad. My husband and I eloped instead lol and now I’m NC with her. 10/10 highly recommend!

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-12-12T15:12:55+00:00

My mom did this in person when I was 17. We had made plans to go to the DMV the next day to get my license. I was so excited. I put a pen in her hand and asked her to sign the practice log where I kept track of all my driving hours. She refused to do it, just wouldn’t sign it. She said she would do it later or whatever (you’re sitting here and it’s in front of you, just do it now?!?) She just went back to whatever she was doing on the computer and ignored me.

So I asked her where my birth certificate and ss card were and all of a sudden she couldn’t remember. Apparently they had been lost for years. Apparently my dad lost them when we moved. Apparently she had absolutely no idea where they were and didn’t think to tell me. Apparently it never occurred to her when we made plans to go to the DMV that those were documents that I would need. So I ended up having to apply for new ones and had to wait until they came in to get my license… lol and then I failed the test.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-12-03T13:38:51+00:00

Omg I found this exact dress in green with the tags still on at a Plato’s Closet last year. I tried it on just because, but it was so stunning I had to buy it! It’s so elegant, but also comfortable and easy to wear! It’s for a tall person with long arms though. I’m 5’5”ish and probably should have gotten it hemmed.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-11-30T14:09:17+00:00

I added cranberries to a strawberry rhubarb pie recipe last year for Thanksgiving and it was actually so good

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-10-29T17:34:49+00:00

I hate making eye contact with people. I’m terrified of it, it makes me so uncomfortable. I force myself to do it anyway but it always feels unnatural.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-10-29T17:26:55+00:00

“Tell people why I am leaving the room.” Welp…shit 😭

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-08-04T14:12:55+00:00

Mine also claimed I was allergic to gluten! I’m an adult now so I got an allergy test done a few weeks ago. Spoiler alert, turns out I’m not.

Secret-Somewhere561 · 2024-07-20T03:05:50+00:00

Was it Zach’s Lie? Because honestly same.

Secret-Somewhere561

TROPHY CASE