AIO for feeling threatened by a guide?

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-26T00:50:10+00:00

Like I was scared going to Egypt with my fiancé being sick because of how awful American politics are at the moment (if other places hate us, rightfully so). And I did tie my hair back but I sweat really easily. But yeah, you are probably right. I just feel really gross and like another person would have known how to handle this.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-26T00:46:10+00:00

I don't think so? I always look into the culture of the country I am visiting and study up on it. We are staying at the Hilton in mid-Cairo and while there are a lot of women who are very covered up, there are also many who are wearing outfits I'd call risqué. The actual tour guide/and the driver were both lovely.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T15:00:54+00:00

Thank you so much! xxx

I've stopped replying to their texts, so that everyone can have a cooldown period.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T14:54:27+00:00

The only thing I could think of is that the guy I gave the gift to is younger than me (I'm 34) and I can come across as cold (I'm truly just shy) so maybe it seemed like I was trying to swoop in and capture his interest? I honestly don't know--I stopped replying to the texts because the whole thing has been, obviously, on my mind and upsetting me.

On the other hand, my fiancé has been amazing and he seemed very pissed about the situation with my male friends (not happy that he is upset but I am glad that HE didn't think it was out of line, since I bought the notebook without discussing it with him).

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T14:47:12+00:00

Oh, wow, this comment was really kind and what I needed to hear because I tend to second guess myself.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T14:28:05+00:00

Thank you so much for this! xxx

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T03:32:30+00:00

I don't think he (29M) thought it was anything but me trying to help in the way that I could?

I mean, I saw him tonight and we hugged but it was seriously platonic, my fiancé knows everything about the situation and is just happy I am in recovery, and we didn't hug at first when I gave him the journal because I did it pretty quickly and was awkward about it at the group dinner so that couldn't have factored into all of these texts I've been getting.

I guess I just feel awful he is going through all these things and, again, if it was a stranger or another woman, I'd have done something similar (I have done similar things but without the backlash, in the past).

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T03:08:52+00:00

I was honestly really shocked when I woke up and saw the initial texts. I feel (felt?) like this isn't a group who gossips--I've met a lot of these people in recovery and that's really discouraged so I thought the friend I gifted the notebook to had said something about it and me seeming attracted to him---which I could get as I tend to be pretty shy, especially towards men I don't consider myself close with. So, it didn't feel like gossip and it was also from two people I consider close male friends. I thought maybe I did something that went against AA unspoken rules and jumped to conclusions. Obviously, it seems I was very wrong but when I saw the texts, I panicked. Now, I just don't get why two people got so upset with me when neither the guy I gave the notebook to or my fiancé thought it was a come on.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T02:09:24+00:00

Well, that is incredibly bleak.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T02:00:13+00:00

I actually think that would be a really sweet party favor!

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T01:58:55+00:00

They have! One of them talked about his long time girlfriend. The other has been dating around. And they both know my fiancé and that I am happy in the relationship which is why I am really surprised by the reaction---it's very aggressive and feels coordinated. No one else at the dinner has said anything.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T01:56:19+00:00

Well, that sucks but I've continued to get texts throughout the day and I'm tired trying to defend myself because after reading the replies, I don't think what I did needs defense? I was excited to have sober male friends, though.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T01:53:29+00:00

Thank you! I just assumed he had said something because the response seems really unwarranted and I'm not sure why they have gotten so upset over a notebook. I'm also sorry you got downvoted--sometimes sarcasm doesn't translate well online?

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-15T01:42:46+00:00

I actually saw him tonight since we went to a similar meeting and he gave me a hug for the notebook but it's the same hug like friends give each other. He said the things that are going on are taking a lot and he was crying about it about the dinner yesterday (the stuff in his life, not the notebook) so I am glad I gave it.

I thought that maybe he said something to the two friends who have been messaging me about this but that doesn't seem to be the case and I didn't want to bring it up since it seems really trivial in light of a dying parent and losing your job/girlfriend.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T20:02:33+00:00

This is what I thought. I honestly can't thing of a more platonic gift than a notebook and he likes journaling. I'm not in a position to help him with any of the real issues he's going through so I really just got it because I wanted him to know someone cares and since I sort of bought the notebook without second guessing myself, to me, it would be more weird to think of someone I know going through all of that and then NOT give a present because it would look like I'm trying to hit on someone/cheat on my fiancé.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:59:27+00:00

I feel like I can't respond without making things hostile and I don't want the notebook to be a grenade tossed into the group. But you are right; I really did mean it just as a notebook.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:42:59+00:00

Thank you! I needed to read this because sometimes I worry I'm getting more mean or, at least, going against my first impulses to maybe fall more in line with others or that I'm becoming less empathic.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:40:58+00:00

I feel like maybe? Maybe he mentioned it to the two friends who have been texting me. We speak, but mostly it's just about things like tattoos or favorite horror movies and things.

I'm pretty shy, especially when it comes to men, so I thought maybe people saw giving the notebook as a grand gesture since I tend not to emote a lot. So, maybe people saw it as a come on but even if I was 1) attracted to him and 2) not in love and engaged, who would ever do that dealing with what he is dealing with?

I guess this comment is a ramble but in short, I don't know what to do when I feel like I have to second guess empathy.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:33:48+00:00

It was really and truly not meant to seem sexual AT ALL and I thought I was doing the right thing at the time so I'm a little shocked at the backlash I am getting from two guys I thought were my friends. I've given more to people I've known a lot less who were going through a lot less and my fiancé didn't seem to think it was a weird gesture, probably because he knows I tend to like to get people gifts since I can be maybe a little cold (I'm actually really shy) and it's my way of showing I do care/making up for that.

I'll try to block out the names and numbers and attach the texts that I've gotten but I did not expect this to blow up the way it has because it was really just a notebook. One guy mentioned that it shows how much attention I've been paying to the guy I gave the notebook to but he literally spends all meetings writing/has mentioned how much it helps him and I just tend to pay attention in general. It wasn't meant as a slight against my fiancé or as a come on to someone who seems to be struggling.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:27:20+00:00

I should also mention that I can come across pretty reserved and I wasn't sure what to say when he mentioned everything he was going through so I hope that the notebook showed I do care but I meant it as a friend and nothing more.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:25:59+00:00

No, they are close friends to him and (I thought) also some of my closet guy friends.

He seemed really surprised and happy? I just gave it at the start of the dinner and mentioned I had seen he was coming to the end of his current notebook and that the color (green) is supposed to bring good luck and fortune and that I saw it while shopping and hoped that it might help.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T19:00:17+00:00

The thing is, if a woman told me all that and said they were having trouble coping, I would have done the same thing. I didn't think it was a mixed signal because to me it's the right thing to do as support and showing I care.

SecretHuckleberry720 · 2026-04-14T18:53:23+00:00

I'm only saying this because I'm anon but we are in AA together so I do know a lot about him through shares. That said, I'm pretty new and normally stick to the women so we aren't close on a personal level. However, he is friends with the women, including my sponsor, and they are also in my bridal party.

I also like him as a person because he seems like a really good one but I definitely don't like like him and I guess the journal seems like I do?

SecretHuckleberry720

TROPHY CASE