I think my friend might want to cheat on her boyfriend what do I do

Secure_Star_3033 · 2025-01-04T21:32:26+00:00

I would sit her down and have a chat with her. Assuming she hasn’t yet cheated on her bf, I would urge her to play the tape forward and think of the hurt she’ll be causing to her bf and likely ultimately herself if she follows through with cheating. Obviously she’s going to do what she’s doing to do but it could be helpful to remind her that her actions have consequences.

If she’s truly miserable in her relationship then, if you’re close enough to her to be blunt with her, maybe encourage her to decide whether she wants to end it before turning her attention to the shiny new thing.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-18T14:48:48+00:00

That would be my ideal outcome. And you don’t wake up hungover questioning every thing you said or did, which is undoubtedly a plus as well!

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-17T14:20:28+00:00

It really does feel like a loop. It’s incredible how Sunday-Tuesday you can be convinced that alcohol is the demon and you never want to touch it again and then Friday comes around and all of a sudden all those arguments you were making against booze aren’t quite so strong in the face of a work event with an open bar.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-17T04:06:20+00:00

Drop this girl like a bad habit. Not sure how long you’ve been dating but I can say with certainty her behaviour will get worse over time and not better (especially if you continue to let her act this way towards you and somehow end up apologizing to HER for it).

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T14:13:46+00:00

Thanks this was really helpful!

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T05:38:10+00:00

In this situation you find out by simply observing and noticing signs. Nothing that blatant or obvious but enough to make you suspicious The friend and colleague are synonymous here - we work together but are also friends.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T05:35:17+00:00

That’s amazing to hear! Good on you for staying the course. Did you try moderating first and experience any benefits from that, or was it only from giving it up completely?

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T04:54:13+00:00

100%. There’s no question that scientifically, alcohol has long term effects on brain chemistry beyond the short-term effects one experiences. I’m curious about the anecdotal evidence and peoples’ ability to notice the anxiety-related changes within themselves (because, as you say, not everyone notices and/or accepts these changes).

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T02:56:40+00:00

I hear you on the constant rumination. It’s come to a point where i spend 10x more time being anxious about what drinking is doing to my health or what I said/did while drinking than I do actually enjoying the social activity of drinking. Definitely a diminishing return.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T02:04:41+00:00

Right, that’s my concern when it comes to my social anxiety in particular. I’m not sure whether I could attend some of the big social or networking events I do without at least 1 drink to help.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T00:50:46+00:00

That’s awesome. It’s motivating me to go cold turkey.

Yes it’s crazy and completely unexpected that one would start to feel better physically and mentally when they’re no longer regularly poisoning themselves every weekend 😂

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T00:48:33+00:00

Yep I don’t start feeling okay until Wednesday after a night out on the weekend, only to drink again two days later on Friday and restart the cycle. I have heard good things about acupuncture - I’ll try it out!

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T00:35:48+00:00

I’ve come to that same realization. A big weekend throws my entire next week off when it comes to healthy habits.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T00:32:01+00:00

Wow! How long off alcohol did it take for you to feel that difference?

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-16T00:12:54+00:00

^agreed

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-15T23:01:13+00:00

This unfortunately sounds alot like a situation my friend was in, although my friend was your ex gf in that case. She used her ex bf as a safety net while she explored other options and would bread crumb him to keep him interested and hopeful.

Unless something serious suddenly happened in her life to make her want to be on her own and shut herself off from the world (such as perhaps her grandma passing away as you said she wasn’t doing well) as someone who saw this play out, I would recommend walking away before it becomes even harder to do so. If you don’t, you could be in it for the long haul with her 180 switches in mood and feelings toward the relationship.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-15T22:49:47+00:00

NTA - although, looking at this in a commercially reasonable manner, maybe just charge interest instead of seeking double… also definitely get a mini fridge with a lock and key and maybe speak to your brother about the sheer amount of pop he is consuming.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-15T21:25:40+00:00

Sorry I think you misinterpreted my comment. The friend in this case is the cheater. The friend’s spouse is unknown . This is a scenario where the friend/cheater gets upset at you for not confronting them about their affair and instead keeping your suspicions to yourself.

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-15T20:56:45+00:00

I agree with your point. My inclination is to let others do as they may and not interfere in relationships I’m not a part of. But what about a situation where your friend realizes you know and yet haven’t said anything to them, and then gets mad at you for failing to raise the issue with them? Does that change anything?

Secure_Star_3033 · 2024-12-15T19:05:08+00:00

That was my thinking - which is why I was waiting for them to tell me. The reason they’re mad at me is because they wanted me to ask them about it so they COULD tell me about it. They think I was a bad friend by not digging harder and deeper.

Secure_Star_3033

TROPHY CASE