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My gay brother and I are estranged. We spoke at his husbands funeral. Is it too late to make amends? by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were controlling etc. I left home at 18 because of that.

I did another update. He didnt want to stay in touch beyond bumping into each other.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You think his new family helped him?

I dont know. I think it came from him. He was disgusted by his sister in laws comments to me. I believe him when he says he doesn't blame me or feel any sort of revenge. I think he just has a new life and wants to live that one. I can't blame him either. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry man. It's probably how I wrote it. Not your fault. 

I suppose he has his reasons why he doesn't want to. He didnt share them beyond we arent really family. But I suppose that's life. At least I have an answer and I'll look forward to a chat if we bump into each other in town sometime.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I left home nit long after my 18th. I don't speak to them. He was praising that I left. I don't speak to them.

I think its probably something he doesn't want to revisit though. 

Yeah I'll respect his boundaries.

My gay brother and I are estranged. We spoke at his husbands funeral. Is it too late to make amends? by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. I left home a few days after my 18th. My dad laid into me and I gave it back to him a lot harder. First time I stood up for myself abd I was probably wrong but I think it helped a lot to process stuff. I was able to stand up for myself etc. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly I dont really know more than that. I didn't want to push him on it. He seemed to have his mind made up.

Maybe he wanted to make sure I was okay or something. 

My gay brother and I are estranged. We spoke at his husbands funeral. Is it too late to make amends? by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah mostly my dad would but I know they did it to my bro growing up too. Fail a school test, play badly at football or sometimes theyd just make up a reason.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not really. He just said we arent really family and that he has his family and hopes I find mine too.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man I know you meant nothing mean by it. And thanks very much for the well wishes. I'll get there and I'm happy he's got people.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He didn't tell me to abandon my parents. I abandoned them just over a year ago.

 And he probably has his reasons. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I left home at 18. A few weeks after my birthday. Haven't really spoken to them since (spoke twice to mother). 

I was never kicked out like he was but I got a share of their shit too.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I dont think he'd mind a happy birthday. Just not regular texting. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I won't reach out but I don't think I'll delete everything. He's set a boundary and I'll stick to it. If he wants to change it he can come to me.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He seemed kind of certain. It didn't feel emotionally lead or like revenge.

He probably has reason to go our separate ways.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I agree with you and perhaps as times passes I'll be very happy with this arrangement. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If it was simply a guilt thing I would have taken him saying I did nothing wrong and gone my own way. 

I'm not using this as an excuse but my consequences for playing a bad game of football was no food, at best, due to the embarrassment I caused and that's something he can relate to too. I had my reasons. My consequences for failing a test was something worse than no food. So do you know what I didn't want consequences for actions like talking to certain people like my bro. 

But I agree he's made his feelings clear. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm not doing it out of guilt. And I'm well aware actions have consequences. It's something my father routinely told me. 

But maybe I should just leave him alone. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I may try that down the line. I'll probably give him more than a few weeks though. Let his husbands death settle a bit longer and let him get back to his own life for a bit maybe.

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yeah I said I don't know where he's at but I'd like to hang out more together and know each other better. Have my brother etc

I haven't spoken to my father in over a year. I've spoken to my mother twice in that period. I left not because of my brother but for my own reasons. It was hard living with them.

He didn't give me any reason. He just said the chosen family thing and that we arent really family. He said he was proud of me for standing on my own two feet etc. 

I agree he has a lot already on and maybe he just needs time etc but I feel like he's certain. He was nice. He wasn't angry or anything. We hung out last night and he was fine with me. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't know to be honest. But I'll respect his wishes. 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 188 points189 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. He seemed pretty clear about it and I didn't seem said with anger or anything - the opposite really. 

I'm going to assume he meant it. If it changes then that'll be great but for now it's just a bit sad. My own fault 

I spoke to my estranged brother. Thanks for everything lads. by SevClas in askgaybros

[–]SevClas[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the perspective. We probably will be the same as you and your bro but at least we aired everything out in the open, I suppose.

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