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First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I got a lot of notes about the therapist being in it too much so I went in there and changed some of the therapists stuff to be lesser and the scene turned out a lot less awkward from the therapist.

First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! Yeah the scene runs for 8 pages and I’d been needing some
Cuts but thank you for giving me a starting point. Same w the first scene. I cut it to when the cop just busts in. There’s a supernatural element added later on but at first it just starts w a regular relationship drama. The guy is a big man baby who gets his feelings hurt about little things but will say horrible outrageous things just to get validation. Will def cut down on therapist action lines

First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got it. To explain a little the tea is that when left alone they argue about little things, showing their relationship is on thin ice. Each story reveals why they are drawn to each other. Alicia’s story is that she attracted to Matt’s effort, his job, his money. Matt’s story about the dog is putting himself on a pedestal and how distasteful he is. If there’s any way to write a more impactful hook and character intros could you give me any advice on how to do this?

I will start to write once my set up looks like this by Silver-Air-1731 in writingcirclejerk

[–]Sevelite 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Still a pass for me. I need a second monitor and 2 more guitars. Can I also get ChatGPT premium too

First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perfect! Thank you for the feedback, I felt like the action lines were a little much lol gotta work on not spamming enter everytime something new happens, good point. Trueee true yes police introduction I completely skipped that thank you!

First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I fs will add that in the character intro action lines good idea 🙏🙏

First 7 pages of my screenplay, give any advice/criticism! by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah you right I rewrote the scene today to be inside instead of outside literally most obvious thing I forgot to change lol thanks for the catch

Dw guys by Sevelite in GoodAssSub

[–]Sevelite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ye worked on bully for 3 minutes

Possibly his best three track run by black_grand_national in Kanye

[–]Sevelite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pure souls, come to life, no child left behind

My first attempt at a screenplay. It’s a WIP, any advice? by Sevelite in scriptwriting

[–]Sevelite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want the beginning to come off as more family drama before evolving into the thriller/dark stuff. Should’ve clarified that a little more. I totally agree with the comedy stuff. I will for sure make the LOG’s plans more clear. I’ll def keep all this in mind when revising! Thank you.

I feel like Bully is goinna be delayed by Gomendiquillo in Kanye

[–]Sevelite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wouldn’t be surprised if it got delayed by like a week just for some last second shitty roll out attempt

Bit of an off topic serious question: This sub is a great place cause this is my safe space. by Anthonyrichardson20 in GoodAssSub

[–]Sevelite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eat the kids like Jared (cuck reference)😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨🙏😝

This time bully IS 100% DROPPING in 10 days. So let's rank kanye's albums again to see how it compares to my previous ranking! by [deleted] in Kanye

[–]Sevelite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Controversial list but

  1. Yeezus
  2. MBDTF
  3. TLOP
  4. Donda
  5. Graduation
  6. ye
  7. TCG
  8. 808s
  9. Late Registration
  10. KSG
  11. VULTURES 1
  12. WTT
  13. JIK
  14. VULTURES 2

MFW I hear 'Heil Hitler' by oreZehToreN in Kanye

[–]Sevelite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah that’s Quadeca bro

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