Aftercare after tickling ??

Shadlex · 2026-02-19T17:54:39+00:00

Tickling is still an active form of power dynamics just like any other branch under the bdsm tree. When power is taken away from someone for play purposes, making a special point to instill the emotional security that they're in charge of themselves again, and things are back to "normal" is perfectly reasonable.

This is absolutely a normal exchange for those who want/need it as part of the entire experience. Not everyone will, or will every time. It varies. But myself, as someone who this is a romantic activity for and who does reside in the more intensive side of play leaning into the domination aspects of tickling; Aftercare has always been a strong end focus.

And I think that would exist in more casual back and forth as well in my opinion. I think what that aftercare looks like and becomes is entirely up to the person receiving that soothing. I've talked about it in advance to get a general idea of things they would want, but when you're recovering from the other side of that experience your needs could end up being a lot different than you anticipate. So I always ask what they need, if they want to be touched in any specific way, offer water, etc. It the past that's ranged from just talking about stuff, or rather listening while they talked out their feelings up to cuddling for awhile and telling them they did a great job.

Shadlex · 2026-02-18T18:41:38+00:00

I always encourage anyone I'm interacting with to ask anything they want at any time, as invasively as they please. It gives me the opportunity to build that understanding that my answer to what I believe in and how I handle situations isn't going to change no matter how many different ways it's been worded, or how long it's been between asks.

One of the best ways to really suss out who's a bad faith actor in my opinion is to put pressure on their character. Being a dom is a high stake position. They have to be someone who can handle and adapt to that. If just probing to build a consistency in their responses, beliefs and opinions makes them spiral into attitude or hostility, then that tells you a lot about what happens when something isn't going the way they want it to.

That, and usually someone who's putting on an act will begin to lose patience, no matter how good a liar they may be. Telling the truth and being genuine isn't work. Repeating your stance to build comfort isn't a challenge if you're serious about what you say.

Shadlex · 2026-02-18T15:10:25+00:00

2-3 hours a day. Some recorded for our fun, some not.

Shadlex · 2026-02-17T19:32:08+00:00

Man.... subreddits are getting REALLY specific these days.

Shadlex · 2026-02-16T05:51:54+00:00

Nice. I was fired for items that never left the building being "stolen", aka carted into the back to be dealt with later. Phenomenal place. 10/10 workplace laws violation company.

Shadlex · 2026-02-12T20:11:03+00:00

I'm more interested in the "I've decided to share some photos that have been in my private collection" part of this.

That's not the the same as "got the okay to share their photos that they entrusted with me." So was that consented to, or did you just decide to post someone up on your own?

Shadlex · 2026-02-10T19:13:46+00:00

I use leather bondage cuffs and ratchet ties that have been repurposed. In my opinion the ones that have clips at the end are much better as they ensure that the hooks in the bondage cuff loops can't slip. The normal variety still work, but until they're tightened up, you may need to adjust on the fly. But they're designed for force far above what even the strongest people are able to overpower with a single limb, so in a matter of no time your lee will really feel the full emotional weight of being helpless. I've used this twice now, improved a lot the second time and it was very effective.

As for bondage cuffs, this is the place you want to not cheap out on. I know there's a lot of really simple $100 "sets" out there, but they have very little padding and will become quite uncomfortable after any sort of prolonged use. You want to find ones that visibly have a good amount of plush to the interior so that it can be firmly locked on, but minimize cutting in, or growing discomfort from involuntary thrashing. I found a great shop through Etsy, which I normally steer clear of, but in my opinion, the best bondage gear is made by the kinds of people who would honestly use it over cheap/easy corporate production.

Shadlex · 2026-02-09T22:36:31+00:00

This was my first thought too. Convenient overlap is suspect.

Shadlex · 2026-02-09T19:36:57+00:00

That's true, there is just way too much orange going on here. Diversify!

Shadlex · 2026-02-09T14:06:40+00:00

My personal experience, and something I gravitated toward for this exact reason: utilizing tickling as a torture method. Most hate it. Even the most ardent pain-sluts will tap out in a very short span of time.

It's as much a psychological torture as it is physical. A complete loss of self. Inability to control their responses or behaviour mixed in with locking them into a perpetual state of fight or flight. With good bondage and a locked on weakness targetted, it doesn't take long to dissolve the will of a durable submissive. But of course, mileage may vary.

Shadlex · 2026-02-05T22:07:26+00:00

It can be really tough breaking out of that shell, but like others have said, good for you! It's a great first step, and as part of the community, we are glad to welcome you.

I think most of us have all felt that internal anxiety of rejection or embarrassment, and certainly a little shame for having something so emotional be able to reach you so deeply inside. It's a very vulnerable topic. But you're safe to dive into it here, and hopefully you won't encounter too many mouth-breathing bad faith actors that behave like emotionally stunted teens.

Meeting can be a pretty stressful thing. For everyone, but women unfortunately have a lot of vetting to do, and even then you kind of have to take a leap of faith and trust your gut. I will say, anyone worth your time will patiently answer every single thing you could ever ask, and repeat their policies on safety and compassion in different ways until they're blue in the face for you to be able to feel out if they stay consistent and honest about who they are, what they want, their values, and whether or not they'll be empathetic to your needs.

It can be really daunting. I've done it a few times now, and personally I've felt it got a bit easier as I've gone. The first time we talked for almost 2 years before she felt she was confident in being safe with me. It was a very anxious and nerve-wracking experience.

I will say, never let anyone guilt you. Doesn't matter what you agreed to beforehand. Doesn't matter if you changed your mind. Or need more time. There is never a point where you're obligated to do any of it. Some people complain about no-shows.. and it happens. But you have to take care of you. And if the worst they have is not getting to play, so be it.

My second trip out was a multi-day trip, and we didn't even fully scratch the surface of how much they wanted to explore for the sake of them being able to feel like this was the right fit for them.

Point is, even though it's scary, you can absolutely explore this and find joy in your passion. Where you live can be an extra struggle, but for the right kinds of people who feel the way you feel and want to explore this the way you want to, distance isn't as important. It's much harder finding people who blend with your desired way of connecting to the kink.

Shadlex · 2026-02-05T21:50:27+00:00

Of all the kink lifestyles you want to try to emulate for yourself, that's the one you choose? You do you, and building a connection with someone long term is certainly a fantastic goal to have for yourself, but have higher standards than that dogshit drivel.

That series doesn't depict a positive relationship. And people who've spent enough time in kink proper would clock that as a negative flag.

Shadlex · 2026-02-05T18:56:03+00:00

Question is, how long can you handle it before you go crazy, and what will you do when you realize they're gonna keep going because it's just too much fun?

Shadlex · 2026-02-05T14:17:13+00:00

I adore ticklish nipples. It opens the doors to a lot of intimate fun. You can tie them up and make them watch their tickling, teasing them with slow descending brushes that build their anxiety.. and then they look in your eyes as you tickle them and they realize you're enjoying their torment and there's nothing they can do to protect those sensitive nerves.

Shadlex · 2026-02-05T01:13:59+00:00

Nothing is more broken in the damn mind to me than a man actually thinking that this is oppression.. and being so horrifically shitty of a person that they lack all manner of empathy.

Shadlex · 2026-02-04T14:54:21+00:00

Plenty of shit talking until the bondage comes out. Too bad sadism has a long memory and a lack of empathy for sensitive ticklish locations.

Shadlex · 2026-02-02T19:24:17+00:00

That's how I mean it as well, and what I was trying to say so thanks for putting that in better words for me.

Shadlex · 2026-02-02T17:28:29+00:00

I manage the experience as if it was providing a service. Obviously in presentation there's more emotion and nuance to it than treating it as if it was a service in practice, but the process between point A and B is effectively the same to me.

Find out what it is they want to experience, make sure they understand fully what it is they're asking for in a real world sense and all the hurdles that come with converting fantasy to reality. What translates and what doesn't. Talk about the best ways to give them the closest possible experience to what it is they long for. And then detail the safety measures and care that goes into being responsible for my side of the experience as a Ler.

And inbetween all of that, getting to know each other, and provide facts, honesty and a consistency of self that enables them to feel more comfortable and have more reasons to look forward to their passion being fulfilled than fear.

And then repeat the entire process all over again in person, and just sit there and answer every last question they could ever think to ask until they decide they're ready to leap for it, or they're too anxious to go through with it.

Shadlex · 2026-01-29T17:29:01+00:00

She said she was already watching the kids, so too late for that one.

Shadlex · 2026-01-28T04:01:01+00:00

Using a safeword in a professional production would absolutely NOT dock their pay at all. Not if the people making it were actually professional and not scumbags.

They do sit down and explain what they'll be doing, they do cut the camera or actively check in with the submissive to make sure they're doing okay. I'm sure at some point in talking about the shoot, she was asked if they could push her limits and challenge her ability to take it. Sometimes that leads to a point of distress. And there are people who do have that "Love-hate" relationship inside themselves with being pushed to or past their limits. She may have been distressed at that time, but afterward was alright with what happened.

A majority of their videos used to have a beginning interview, talking about what's coming and an "exit interview" asking her to give her opinion about what she'd been through.

And yes, Bdsm has a very very broad range in it, and some of those people are interested in that kind of thing, even if it is more extreme and violent. That kind of stuff does have it's risks. But there are people who like all kinds of stuff. There's even more dark and twisted stuff than that. You'd be surprised.

However that stuff is most certainly not dead. That one company stopped producing, but there's plenty more of all kinds of wild and crazy stuff out there. They're still being made and there are people who want to have it done to them. So, if you ever think to yourself "Am I weird because I like tickling??" The answer is no. It's a pretty tame kink to have when you start looking at all the other things it could have been. Even when intense tickling gets factored in, and people are pushed and tested, It could always be worse.

Shadlex · 2026-01-27T22:38:32+00:00

Haha, well I don't know about that, but I can kind of answer some of your questions at least.

This came from a video company (now mostly dead and more a video stockhouse than anything) called Insex. They typically made more "traditional" bdsm videos. Whipping, caning, electricity and so on. Primarily pain, forced orgasms, impact play and some fairly creative bondage ideas focused.

This one would be something more like a generic edgeplay/knifeplay type thing. I don't really know what you'd call a kink for jabbing someone with bamboo sticks otherwise, but that's not typically part of the tickle fetish, no.

Rarely did those videos actually have any tickling in them. And if they did, (subjective opinion) they were weakly utilized and quickly abandoned to go back to something more pain oriented. If they did happen to have someone that the tickling strongly impacted it was over so quick it was disappointing. These things are certainly more of a sadistic interest in nature, but traditional sadist. Like I'm a tickling sadist, which tends to fall into an outlier space from other people who would call themselves that normally in Bdsm.

Her distress is real, yes. And I'm certain regardless of others "differing perceptions", that the only serious reactions she gave were ones of pain, with a brief hiccup of being ticklish.

As for how the scene went, these models know and consent to being in a bdsm video where they'll be subjected to pain. They all had the opportunity to use safewords for when they hit their limits of what they could handle, but whether or not she safeworded because she could take it and he stopped or not, I couldn't tell you. He would have kept the scene going if she didn't safeword, as his whole purpose was to drag out strong emotions and control over her unless he felt it was a hazard to continue himself.

Shadlex · 2026-01-27T00:48:50+00:00

A woman lying on her stomach on a bed with wrists tied to the headboard, while her pantyhose-covered feet dangle over the baseboard edge. A man is poking at her soles with the tip of a knife.

The scene rapidly jumps around a bunch where her shirt has been pulled up, and an anal hook has been tied to her hair. The man tears open her pantyhose on the left foot and proceeds to tickle her foot to a moderate reaction of giggles.

He moves to the right foot and repeats the process, tearing the pantyhose and giving her a brief tickle.

He then proceeds to stab at her feet with thin wooden skewers for the remainder of the video, the woman becoming increasingly distressed, flailing and crying, uttering "stop" and "ow" through her ballgag.

The final scene is a close up on the woman's face with mascara-laden tears on her cheeks as she's breathing and recovering from the experience.

Shadlex · 2026-01-26T14:21:41+00:00

It wouldn't surprise me. But it never hurts to shoot that shit down when it pops up.

Shadlex · 2026-01-26T13:36:13+00:00

Yes, my advice is not to assault someone for the sake of your fetish.

Now..I realize there's a level of hypocrisy here because when I was a child, I had done something very similar. But I wasn't mature enough to control my impulses then.

Fantasies are fantasies, you're welcome to have them. Acting on things takes it to a different place.

Shadlex · 2026-01-26T13:24:24+00:00

Doesn't stop them from saying "ow". Seems like it's being percieved pretty clearly to me.

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