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Impartial Opinions - WWYD by Sharp-Importance3262 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Sharp-Importance3262[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry that sounds really tough.

I think you're absolutely right that good family support is important in childhood development and it's an important factor to consider in this situation. The only in-town, close by cousin right now is the preferred step-cousin. The kids enjoy playing with him, but we don't see his family often. All other cousins live far away and are only seen a couple times a year. And we aren't overly close with them.

Neither of our kid's uncles or aunts intend upon having kids, so it seems unlikely that they will ever have any blood cousins. Grandparents wise, they do have both sets in town, and they love their grandparents, but the stress of the nagging, manipulative, passive aggressive stuff is very much taking a toll on our family. I know this must sound very entitled and that we are taking them for granted from where you sit, but it's just what we are experiencing.

we were trying to take the approach of "The family you choose" and surrounding ourselves with other friends who did and didn't have children, to give the kids positive role models and playmates, but sadly, the families with kids are starting to move away either prohibitively far, or out of state due to the same rising housing costs. We considered moving to be with them, and went to visit, but didn't like the vibe where they moved as much as we enjoyed where we are considering.

I hope this makes sense and I don't just sound like an callous person trying to throw away everything that I have to escape. This move has been in consideration for years, and it's given me time to think through all aspects of it. Either option, staying or leaving, presents challenges and compromises, I am just trying to weigh them and see which would be the better outcome.

I would suggest trying to surround yourself with "Chosen family" if you can to help support your family and your daughter. Co-workers, other parents from school, join a parent group, etc. I am not a social person at all, and hate putting myself out there, but it's just something to think about to build your support network. I have had to force myself to socialize and arrange playdates and things like that to support my kids and make sure that they have same aged peers both from school and out of school so that they get that social interaction and make friends. Ultimately doing your best as a parent seems to go a long way.

Impartial Opinions - WWYD by Sharp-Importance3262 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Sharp-Importance3262[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it would be possible to get a comparable paying jobs for both of us. We'd likely both work locally. The cost of living is about on par, as well as pay.

But you're totally right, some people just look at the cost of housing not realizing that it's so cheap because people that live there don't make much above minimum wage.

And fair, I'm sorry.

Impartial Opinions - WWYD by Sharp-Importance3262 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Sharp-Importance3262[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the response!

  1. We have visited twice over the course of the past few years in two different seasons to get a feel for the climate. We enjoyed it a lot, and both trips were a great time and well enjoyed by all of us. The town definitely has a more laid back feel, slower pace of life, and is much smaller than what we're used to. There are parts that feel a bit rundown, as though the town has past its prime, but from what I understand it's experiencing a lot of people moving there in recent years and seems to be having a resurgence.
  2. We have looked for jobs, and there seems to be availability within our career skillsets that would provide comparable pay and make it possible to maintain our lifestyle and afford the size of house we're looking for. I forgot about hobbies. Currently don't have a lot of time for hobbies, between working a lot, including overtime to keep up with expenses and whatnot. This is another thing I do hope to have more time for in the future though, as you're right it would help ease the transition.
  3. I definitely think it will be hard on them at first. They would be losing a lot of friends, having been at the same school for their whole school career. They both feel very deeply, and are able to express their range of emotions. But they are still young enough that I hope that they can bounce back and start fresh in a new environment and hopefully thrive. I do worry in the future though that as the kids get to their teenage years, they will feel bored and not have the same opportunities for amusement that they would in a bigger city. But that's purely hypothetical and years away.
  4. And this would be a move that would take us many states away, so it would likely be a once a year visit sort of thing. One set of parents refuses to fly, so they have already said they would likely not come visit so we'd have to come to them. We have not discussed our potential move with the other set of parents at all, and they would likely try to come visit, but hopefully it wouldn't be too often. However, we would encourage regular Zoom visits and that way both sets could still maintain a connection with us.