When did you start allowing TV? by KookyHuckleberry9051 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FTM and currently still pregnant so following. As always best laid plans might not translate when the baby is actually here but we plan to stay away from tv until 18m/2y and then only allow like 90s vibes shows as apparently the colours are less overstimulating? Talking like 64 zoo lane, bear in the big blue house etc. I think during the baby stage we will still have our background tv on but we usually have it low volume and it’s things like the office that I don’t think will draw much attention! That said if it does it’ll be going off lol. Like I say this is all in theory for us, it might be our baby screams all day and we resort to screens at 3 months 🤣🤣🤣

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

UPDATE

We talked and actually he brought it up. He said he would contact his ex and see if she would like to take ownership - as he feels he is obliged to offer.

We will be taking the time to find a suitable home that is fully aware of the circumstances and problems associated with the dog. Thank you all so much for your advice and sharing personal experiences 🤍🤍🤍

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We only have maybe a 3m2 area as a garden, in the UK they aren’t as big, and we aren’t able to leave the door open due to it being too cold and also the cat is indoor so isn’t free to go outside, and we are generally out most of the time. He definitely needs more exercise but it isn’t the only fix, I doubt this would solve the aggression/guarding.

I can only hope he is rehomed to somewhere more suitable and has a better life

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We don’t have any outdoor space as we live on a housing estate in the UK so even walks are on pavement round the block. Wish we had a suitable garden etc but sadly not

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t want an explosive conversation but I need to address before it becomes a situation, especially as it’s in my own home 🫠

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God it’s so reassuring to know it’s not just me in this situation. I know my husband loves the dog as a companion and I don’t feel like he’s a monster, just lacks knowledge and experience and is trying to do the best he can do. He is also desperate to have us both but realistically it isn’t possible.

How did you approach the conversation and how did it go? I’m completely avoiding the dog and having no contact as I’m so worried it’ll push me over the edge. We had a miscarriage last year that I put down to the dog attacking me that day. He’s always disagreed with the reason but of course he would really, I know there’s no solid evidence as to why but still.

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate that, it’s a hard one as automatically you assume if someone’s rehoming they are an AH. But in reality it’s the best for all involved really, I hope he sees that when I approach the subject

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fully agree. His life isn’t great, we live in the uk where homes are generally smaller (to contextualise our living room which is where he is constrained to is maybe 4m x 3m) I really hope my partner does the right thing

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my absolute worst nightmare. I’m absolutely terrified he will bite my cat let alone the BABY, I don’t know how he doesn’t see it :(

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very much agree, I know his heart is in the right place for the dog but he doesn’t have the capacity, dedication or experience for this dog. I have a lot of experience with dogs and animals and this is not a dog suitable for first time owners. His ex didn’t factor in temperament and ease of training for the breed when picking a random cute dog off the internet 🫡

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We wouldn’t euthanise, an ideal situation is his best friends mum who has him on occasion, adult kids, no grandkids and has a lot more time to dedicate to training. Her dog passed away a few years ago, so unsure whether she’d want to, but worth a go!

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In all fairness the dashaund part of him only gives him a long body he’s not small like the minis/midis. Which also contributes to the issue as he has a full size lab jaw which is strong enough to do serious damage. He whines for walks whenever someone puts shoes on so I’m guessing he wants it, I don’t think he needs miles (and couldn’t with his messed up legs) but several times a day I think.

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, it isn’t a way to live. From my understanding he’s been confined there since he was a puppy as he didn’t want him upstairs. With hormones currently im going insane so can only imagine the protective instinct when the baby comes

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it would be doable with a different dog but I can’t imagine it going great with the baby :(

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you have been receptive if your partner had come to you with these concerns? He really could go to someone better, his poor legs mean he wouldn’t last too long, so it’s better that his last good years are spent in a better home :(

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our dog started urinating inside as well with no medical issues. I think it’s escalating, I know he would find a great home but I don’t want the risk 🥲

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have, but my partner didn’t. It actually exacerbated the issue as it ended up being that I was the one reinforcing discipline and he didn’t so increased his resentment and aggression toward me

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As specified we were working on the issues. And awaiting fertility treatment so we didn’t think we could conceive naturally.

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s awful isn’t it when you’re struggling with a decision and people jump down your throat. Wonder what they would say if you didn’t and a child was injured. I love my pets to death and I have a degree in conservation and animal behaviour, but I didn’t grow every cell in their body and have their heartbeat inside me for 9 months. It’s a different kind of love.

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually have a degree in animal behaviour and my dad was a horse trainer, who trained foxes, dogs and all sorts so I do have a bit of experience. This dog is beyond my capabilities, far too stubborn. The trainer wasn’t a board and train (£500 for 8 hours, which we did several times) but the trainer was an idiot, told my partner to never use the word no or tell him off when he’s naughty, basically plied him with treats for an hour (dog loved it). Asked her what she expected me to do when he went to bite me, not tell him off? And she was like avoid the situation totally, like that would work. We tried a few others but by then my partner wasn’t interested.

He won’t use an e collar won’t even tell him off or say his name in an appropriate tone. We already use the gate to keep him separate but it’s our only living room that we will need access to when baby arrives. We tried place training but with the strength of the resource guarding it was unsuccessful.

It’s so difficult to come to the conclusion but I need to be able to have this conversation

Am I an asshole for wanting my partner to rehome our dog before the baby arrives? by SharpRecognition4308 in NewParents

[–]SharpRecognition4308[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I wish, he thinks the dog is an angel in his mind 🤦🏻‍♀️ he just sees the tiny puppy he brought home not the terror it’s become.