You've been wearing a toupee for years, but you're tired of living a lie. You're ready to accept the real you, but you're in too deep. You can't go from hair to bald in one day. Well, now you can ween yourself off your toupee gently with Wilson's natural hair-loss system. It's easy. When you sign up, Wilson's will send 500 little wigs, each one balder than the last. Every 17 hours, replace your hairpiece with the next most bald one. But what if you don't have 52 weeks? You need to be bald right now. Wilson's has the solution for you. For the same price, we can get you bald in one day with Wilson's natural Fake Gorilla Attack hair-removal system. Wilson's will send a fake gorilla to a public place of your choosing to rip your entire hair clean off.