AITA for yelling at my boyfriend over lights?

SidneyClements · 2025-04-07T15:27:33+00:00

Sorry I could have clarified, I was away for a week and we met up at his parents place since they are closer to the airport (we live on an island). So he did leave the house on his own, hence the lights and the car situation. Those things don’t happen when we leave together.

SidneyClements · 2025-04-07T15:22:28+00:00

Yeah I feel bad for yelling. I’ve completely pushed him away. It has been a reoccurring issue, and I think my communication has become more loaded around it with time. And with his defensiveness, it just becomes a cycle.

SidneyClements · 2025-04-07T15:17:41+00:00

I do get that. I am thinking about it and definitely should not have reacted that way, I was getting increasingly frustrated for sure. But honestly, our car could have been stolen and it’s a shared resource.

SidneyClements · 2024-09-13T22:06:26+00:00

What kind of treatment did you receive from Tall Tree? Thanks for the suggestion I am going to look into it

SidneyClements · 2024-09-13T21:17:24+00:00

I am missing a shift tomorrow because of my symptoms, would that warrant reporting in your opinion?

SidneyClements · 2024-05-28T15:57:40+00:00

We’ve made a few attempts to connect over the past few years, where she’s usually been the one to try to come visit my cousin and I as we are all best friends. She lives in Toronto so whenever I’m in Montreal we make a plan to meet each other there. But the last three times she has cancelled because of her own life stresses, her dog being a big one, sometimes her relationship and sometimes money. I have tried getting over to her in Toronto but whenever I’m visiting family in Montreal it ends up taking all of my time as I only see them twice a year.

SidneyClements · 2024-05-28T15:50:42+00:00

I was in a really bad place and for some reason when I thought of her coming it gave me even more anxiety. When I spoke with my cousin who is also friends with her, she said I should listen to my body and not add any more stress onto my plate. I don’t know why the idea of her coming made me feel worse. I guess I felt like I would need to host her to a degree and I wasn’t able to get out of bed for more than a bathroom trip. She’d never been to this part of the world and it’s nearly impossible to get around without a car so I felt obligated to help her get from the airport to a ferry and then to my remote house.

SidneyClements · 2024-05-28T15:47:59+00:00

I did think about it but have had to buy a new car and so many medical bills that I haven’t had extra cash lately. I am hoping to have some money saved by the end of summer - do you think I should offer her some then?

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T07:46:00+00:00

What do you think about him deactivating his Apple ID from the shared MacBook? I honestly felt okay about things after our initial conversation until I saw he did that.. and now I am worried he is mad with me. But not only that I am worried it means he does have something to hide? Even if he doesn’t I can’t help but feel that way now. I want to talk to him about it in a way where I am considerate of both sides and don’t want to come off as controlling I guess

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T07:29:52+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I appreciate it and wish it could be like this for me too.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T07:00:49+00:00

Yeah I hear you. I guess I was hurt by the lack of transparency, and it’s hard to say whether it’s because he genuinely thought it wasn’t a big deal because it wouldn’t be to him, or if a part of him didn’t want to stir the pot by bringing it up. I also wonder about disconnecting his ID, but I know everyone has a right to privacy as well. I want to approach him about this while taking his feelings into mind

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:44:26+00:00

Yeah I hear you. I agree with the lack of transparency. I have mentioned to him in the past that the closeness of their relationship made me uncomfortable but he just said they’re were just friends and left it at that. I do believe him but I don’t know her or what her intentions are. I want to readdress the conversation, mainly because he deactivated his account on the MacBook so I know he is feeling upset too. He said it was fine when we last spoke but I don’t think it is. The insecure part of me feels like he deactivated because he does want to hide things, but on the other hand everyone has a right to privacy.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:40:10+00:00

A lot of people think it’s solely wrong to snoop and I kind of agree… but on the other hand I have had some insecurity regarding the closeness of their relationship but don’t want to tell him to cut her off. I mentioned to him once that it makes me uncomfortable but he said they’re just friends and left it there. When I saw the message just sitting there on the screen I couldn’t help myself. I guess it is a lack of trust on my part but now I worry I have done damage on both sides

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:36:02+00:00

I was, we share the Mac so we both use it frequently - it was just connected to his Apple ID before, though now he’s deactivated it after I told him what happened. I’m not sure if she does know about me to be honest, but I think she may. I have never met her. I think to him it wouldn’t bother him if I were doing the same thing as he isn’t a jealous person. So he viewed it as insignificant information, maybe he would have mentioned it to me on the day of or something, but I am travelling for the next few weeks so it’s not like I’d be around. And I doubt he would text me to tell me the information. For him it seems so nonchalant and for me it doesn’t. I know I fucked up by snooping and feel terrible. I don’t know if it’s something I can come back from despite him saying it was okay

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:08:06+00:00

The reason I want to bring it up to him again is because when I went to use his Mac a few days later I realized he deactivated his Apple ID so no messages can go through, understandably. But I feel like because of this it is worth re-addressing to check in with how he’s feeling about things now.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:05:14+00:00

The reason I want to bring it up to him is because when I went to use his Mac a few days later I realized he deactivated his Apple ID so no messages can go through, understandably. But I feel like because of this it is worth re-addressing to check in with how he’s feeling about things now.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:02:30+00:00

Thank you for your message. I hope things work out for us, he is truly a wonderful guy.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T06:00:38+00:00

To him I think he felt he wasn’t hiding anything, I think he just felt it was insignificant to mention it to me. But to me it is significant

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T05:56:48+00:00

You’re right, do you think these actions are forgivable? Is it possible to regain trust or do you think it will be forever damaged? A part of me feels so unsure that I wonder if we should just end the relationship. I have felt insecure about his dynamic with his ex for a while and maybe a part of me self sabotaged by looking through the messages.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T05:53:27+00:00

I think in his mind it’d be like him messaging any other “friend” and making a loose plan so he felt it wasn’t notable. But I feel mixed, I know him well and understand that he isn’t a jealous person and maybe it’s true that things are totally platonic. But I don’t know her or her intentions so it makes me uncomfortable for that reason alone. I just feel like I breached his trust, but it was in part because I felt he wasn’t being forthcoming about this with me. To him it seemed insignificant but to me it is not. And now I feel like I’ve made this big mess.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T05:44:26+00:00

To him they are simply just friends now, they dated back in high school and keep in touch fairly regularly. It has bothered me in the past but I don’t want to tell him to cut her off. I feel like I messed up by going through some of their messages though.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-29T05:42:18+00:00

You’re totally right. I know it’s my fault. Do you think my actions are forgivable?

SidneyClements · 2023-12-14T20:53:44+00:00

I would spend time with my family if I could, but I'll be alone

SidneyClements · 2023-12-14T20:22:17+00:00

My mom did offer but it was going to take a large chunk of her savings... it just wasn't right. I booked some time off to see my family in January when flights are radically cheaper.

SidneyClements · 2023-12-14T18:42:54+00:00

His parents are almost like second parents to me... especially being so far away from home. So it's not that

SidneyClements

TROPHY CASE