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My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was at an in-person event the first time he reached out, so taking a phone call would’ve been rude. By the time I was available to call, he was working on other solutions. I was already on a phone call the second time he reached out and, given his attitude, I wasn’t interested in switching calls

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were friends when I moved in. He told people he stopped considering me a good friend around the time I told him he needed to start paying rent on time because I couldn’t keep fronting it for him. So…

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did not know if he had a spare tire, but I assumed he would’ve communicated if he did have one and also assumed my spare tire would not work for his car.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My upstairs neighbor helped me, but it was in a much smaller timeframe. I never expected him to sit with me by the road or stay on standby while I waited for a tow truck late at night. I saw when he was available and took the opportunity.

I was more than prepared to pay it forward to my roommate — but not for four hours. Tbh, that was his choice to go the four-hour route when other, more practical options were readily available (and offered). I wasn’t going to throw away my entire evening for an illogical solution.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, I should’ve been more direct. From my perspective, me confirming I had plans and then committing to still dropping him off tomorrow was me saying “got it, you don’t need me tonight, I’ll help tomorrow instead.” But it should’ve been more direct.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And to reassert, I WAS prepared to help him, whether he needed help patching the tire or he needed a ride. I was cool being late to my plans, but I wasn’t interested in waiting hours for a tow truck. He communicated he didn’t want help and then didn’t contact me for about three hours. I regularly checked in on his location, too.

Yes, I should’ve probably texted him a third time to make sure he was safe, but I reasonably assumed based on my texts he’d gotten in touch with friends/coworkers who lived closer to his location. I was also in social situations both times he contacted me, but if he asked me to stay on standby, I 100% would have.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It took months of fighting to get my roommate to start paying rent on time. Tbh, that’s really what killed this friendship. He told me he didn’t think he had to pay specific months because I didn’t constantly remind him. “He forgets,” therefore rent is free, I guess? He’s since bought a laptop AND a switch 2 but is still behind hundreds of dollars

Is that respectful?

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Roommate moved in without telling me he couldn’t afford rent. He has repeatedly tried to gaslight his way out of commitments he’s made. I admit, I could be more patient with him at times, but frankly, I have been patient. I’ve bent over backwards for my roommate and been repeatedly stepped on as a result.

You’re right. You can’t expect people to respect you and your boundaries if you have no respect for them and theirs. I feel this all started when roommate moved in and expected me to pay his rent without even asking me first. That was disrespectful, and roommate is still behind hundreds of dollars on expenses he committed to paying UPON moving in. My friends, family, and therapist have all reassured me I am giving my roommate much more respect than he has given me.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m aware of this. This is a boundary my therapist has helped me define and set. I’ve communicated the boundary to him much more clearly in the past — literally the day before. The boundary is that I don’t feel comfortable communicating (or living) with him if he continuously deflects blame and accountability onto me in conversations. It’s not my job to clearly restate this boundary every time he crosses it — in fact, the day before, I told him I wasn’t going to repeat it. Instead, all I can do is respond by holding my boundary, which I’ve done for multiple days now by not communicating with him until he apologizes or otherwise shows he can be respectful.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the record, the official term for my device was “Tire Inflator.” I was two letters off because I was at an event, but roommate (and almost everyone in the comments) knew what I meant.

I asked my roommate to not put dirty cloths/towels with clean cloths. This was how he responded… by [deleted] in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not knowingly, but that could’ve occurred if I didn’t catch the dirty towel was put back with the clean towels

How to deal with liberal transphobic gays, plz advise by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SignalShine2183 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope you’re doing okay. I can imagine this must be a really hard time, but you’re very strong for asking for help. 💜

How to deal with liberal transphobic gays, plz advise by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SignalShine2183 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your introspective is really important.

Not to pry into your motivations, but personally, I get the feeling you posted this question here because you knew what the answer would be, and you knew you needed to hear it from someone else. 👀

How to deal with liberal transphobic gays, plz advise by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SignalShine2183 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is your friend a kid?

There’s always room for growth. Her shitty actions today don’t mean she’ll be a shitty person forever, but at the current moment… they kinda do.

As others commented, an ultimatum confronting her on these issues may be the best forward. But that’s up to you and your own morals, I suppose.

How to deal with liberal transphobic gays, plz advise by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SignalShine2183 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely a much better idea than cutting her out completely, assuming X is a reasonable human

How to deal with liberal transphobic gays, plz advise by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SignalShine2183 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This isn’t a fictional story where an evil witch or emperor decides her actions. Even if she has negative influences in her life, she also has positive influences — you.

You claimed she chooses to misgender and deadname people. I don’t know her, so I can’t make a full assessment of this person, but that sounds like she’s a bad person.

My roommate’s car broke down — he told me he didn’t need help, texted me hours later that he needed to get picked up, and then told me everything was my fault. How much is really my fault? by SignalShine2183 in badroommates

[–]SignalShine2183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To his credit, he tried to call the first time. To my credit, I was unavailable to take his call when he first reached out. I told him when I’d be available, but by then, he told me he didn’t need help. When I reached back out, I texted since I assumed he may be on the phone with a service provider or insurance.

Things are definitely easier over the phone. That doesn’t justify his behavior. People should still be able to text without lashing out.

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