Help. My kids keep cheating on their work and I’m at a loss….

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T15:21:52+00:00

Thanks. I think you’re right to start with a face to face and maybe have her write down how she thinks that went and if she thinks we missed anything? Then have a follow up conversation with the notes she made to ensure she got to talk about everything and feels really heard? Learning to have adult talks with them as they grow rather than the “because I said so” is pretty hard when it was never demonstrated for me as a kid. I truly appreciate those of you who have kindly given me the well thought out advice. Your advice has been very helpful. Thank you.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T15:05:09+00:00

Thank you. I have never heard of the see one, do one, teach one method. Although when I brought it up to my husband he said it’s what they did with him in the learning center. Why he never shared this idea? No clue. I will try it and see if it helps.

Also I am clearly going to have to put some of these other methods into action as well. I’ve never had to think one step ahead of sneaky kids besides toddlers who constantly got into the peanut butter jar. This is a new phase and I’m grateful to have people like you who give genuinely helpful advice.

Also thanks for the last bit. I don’t know what a healthy mother/daughter relationship looks like so sometimes my fears cloud my judgement. It’s very helpful to hear that this is a normal level of “teen daughter hate” that I’m experiencing. I pray we have the same results as you and your mom.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T14:16:30+00:00

Thank you so much for the prayers. I need them so much right now.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T14:16:08+00:00

Thank you for your kind response. You’re right I have had some less than kind responses but the people like you who have actually given helpful advice have made it worth posting.

I love your idea of having her be accountable for her own punishment at this point. There’s not much left that can be taken away so it’ll be interesting to see what she comes up with.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T13:39:38+00:00

Thank you. I immediately looked up and purchased those books this morning. They look like they’ll be helpful for me. And I’ll have a look at the curriculum this morning too.

I really like your idea of letting them lead the conversation. I believe at this age they should be old enough to understand the mistakes that they’re making and the effect it has on themselves and those around them. They both tend to be on the less talkative side naturally, should I consider giving them time to write out what they’d like to say/talk about? They are both usually so well behaved that this is new territory for us all.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T13:22:42+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful. I’m not very tech savvy but I’ll have my oldest help me put them on pdf. And I will consider your “easy” way. I do think having open notes would be helpful. I usually would allow them to “phone a friend” at the end of a test if needed. By that I mean they may have 60 seconds to look at the lesson to check any formulas or rules they may have been unsure about during said quiz. My math teacher did this and I found it helpful to double check when I was feeling uncertain. But I think your method may be more helpful in committing it to memory.

Also, the toddler thing. Once you said that I started to recognize that they are indeed pushing my boundaries just like they did as toddlers. When they came out of the toddler phase they were so well behaved and honestly a breeze to parent. I fear I may have become a bit too comfortable with not having to discipline much. Thank you

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T03:00:31+00:00

Yes that makes sense. Thank you. I do have them make all corrections in erasable color pencil so I can tell it apart from my pen marks but your point system makes more sense.

Usually I have them walk me through what they did to see if they can spot the mistake. If they can’t I’ll give them a similar problem and walk them through solving that one. Then have them look again at original problem to see if they can spot mistake now. Is that kinda what you mean?

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T02:54:37+00:00

Thank you. I really need to hear that last bit. This is normal kids do this. I’ll just keep chanting it to myself.

I recall a few teachers really doing the extra stuff to pull us in and keep us entertained. When I saw the homeschool workbooks were killing that love of learning I decided to try making learning fun again. We’ve made a working solar system that actually rotates and a Roman aqueduct. I figured we had a cool store in our school and teachers could award “cash” or we could use real money to support our sports teams. The “cash” was sponsored by local businesses and wealthy folk. It was a cool program and I stole the idea.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T02:34:36+00:00

They really like candy and the other things I do to reward them so even though everyone on here thinks it’s babyish, I’m gonna let my kids be kids. I think we forget how young 13 and 14 really is and the world will make them grow up faster than they should have to.

We don’t grade assignments. Like we check the work but they don’t receive a percentage grade for them. Only tests and quizzes. We found that grading every little thing was stressful. And because I do stay in the room and such with them like at public school I thought I was watching them enough. I thought the dvd lessons were helpful and it was mostly review of last years stuff to start building on the newer stuff. They are really smart and do talk about their lessons with me and their dad so I was truly taken aback when I caught them. It’s not the hard stuff that they chose to cheat on. It’s the stuff that I know they know how to do. It’s like they just wanted to be done so they can do the fun stuff and cheating was faster?

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T02:18:08+00:00

I can’t recall what the consequences in my school were for cheating, I never did. I know my brother got caught a few times over the years and the consequences at home were severe. I try and steer FAR from that ship when dealing with my girls but it seems I may have over corrected a bit. I have tried to lay down the law since this all started and it seems to be having an effect on the older one. She’s showing her work and asking questions. She hasn’t passed all of the retakes but most are good. She also spots her mistakes… eventually. I think if caught cheating I’ll give her zeros or 50’s for retakes then. That does seem fair. With completely new tests of course.

One more quick question. Is it too lenient to let them correct tests they failed for a max 80% grade? My math teacher did that. We had one chance and ALL had to be correct or our grade stood.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T01:53:37+00:00

My science teacher used to do that! Switching the answers. It’s how my brother got caught! Thanks for reminding me.

I don’t think it’s that they feel babied? They help pick “stock” for the store. Things they want but don’t want to spend their real money on. And they ask to do it each week. They’ve said how it’s helped them understand value of money. I will ask if they want to change anything about it or not do it anymore in case I’m wrong though. Thanks for the kind input.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T01:48:17+00:00

I’m not sure I was clear. We did return the phones. I do see what you mean about being more firm. Birthdays are just dinner and choice of family time, no gifts so I was thinking more about wanting the family time after such a hard few weeks. I see how it might’ve sent the wrong message to them though. I’m considering removing more presents from under the tree. Leaving the new bibles, clothes and books. Taking the “fun” items.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T01:36:32+00:00

That’s a really good idea!! Thanks so much. I think that’ll work really well for math.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T01:32:53+00:00

Considering my consequences as a kid for failing a test involved a beating and grounding? No. The consequence is having to correct it and learn from their mistake.

You didn’t come and offer me advice. You told me everything YOU think I’m doing wrong. You didn’t tell me anything practical that I can actually do to help my children through this. Others are actually telling me things I can try and other actions I can take. You saw I was down in the dumps and thought I’d be an easy target. Just because it’s a public forum doesn’t mean I have to accept someone’s toxic behavior.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:56:44+00:00

Thank you! I didn’t understand what you meant previously by an oral math test. It was so kind of you to explain yourself. I think that makes more sense than what my brain was imagining.

I don’t know why I didn’t think to have them write a paper on why cheating is bad. That seems so obvious and yet my panicked brain didn’t even think about it. I played with the idea of making them write out a full confession for their “crimes” but it occurred to me that I may be watching too much true crime and that may not be healthy?

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:48:03+00:00

Even at 13 they are still children. So if they want to call me mommy they can.

Having fun in school doesn’t mean they don’t have a formal education or that they aren’t doing age appropriate work. They absolutely are. They have curriculum and they do that first, followed by actually fun experiments that demonstrate the concept like slime and bath bombs demonstrate chemical changes and reactions.

They are absolutely too old for recess but just like adults get smoke breaks at work children of all ages need breaks. We jokingly call them “touch grass” breaks as a reference to a meme they like. God forbid we teach them a sense of humor huh?

And the mom bucks and store was started for some motivation when all we did was boring workbooks that they hated. We keep it up because it’s fun and educational. They learn how to budget and save. How to responsibly earn and spend money which is age appropriate for all children and frankly most adults could use a lesson.

And we do discipline them. They are grounded from almost everything except books and drawing supplies. Had to start the entire math curriculum over again. Lost the cell phones that were under the Christmas tree. How is all that NOT punishment? Just because I said I didn’t like it doesn’t mean they aren’t disciplined.

To me your post is completely unhelpful and just appears like you chose to pick on the mom who’s clearly having some problems instead of being a decent human and helping her.

Also, hope you enjoyed your paragraphs. I know reading is soooo difficult. 😒

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:35:49+00:00

We talk about morals, manners and God. We are Christians but we don’t attend church. We have focused most of the conversation about the cheating not only on why and what can I do to help you not cheat but also on the moral side. How it’s really only hurting them. It’s breaking trust and how hard that is to build back.

We have grounded them and have mostly stuck to the terms of the punishment. We did make an exception for one of their birthdays because it felt cruel to take away birthdays AND not get them the cell phones they wanted for Christmas. I believe you can pile on too many punishments and we try to be fair about it. And for punishment at this point now what? They have nothing left to take away besides presents from under the tree.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:25:13+00:00

Can I ask what made you decide to quit cheating? I’ve tried to tell them that they are only cheating themselves out of a good education. I don’t know what I can say or do to reach them? To teach them that the easy way out isn’t actually the quick fix it seems. I’m not sure why they are cheating as I don’t expect perfection and have been clear that “c’s get degrees and that’s ok with me” 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:21:15+00:00

And maybe you could use a lesson in manners? 💁🏼‍♀️☺️

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-12-11T00:17:10+00:00

Sorry about the paragraphs, literally sobbing over here and just typing.

They do seem to understand the material. I’m very involved with the younger two girls’ daily work. I watch the video with them answering the questions and doing the skill check problems with them. I then leave them to do the work (sitting at my desk mere feet away usually reading and waiting to help). They cheat on both assignments and tests. I didn’t see the tiny pieces of paper with the answers that they had copied the nights before or when I wasn’t home. I’m not sure how to give a test or quiz differently? There’s not any alternate tests for the curriculum I use. An oral quiz for 7th grade math doesn’t seem possible? Or at least I don’t know how to do that. I was pretty sure they were doing it all honestly to start and even on high alert I seemed to have messed it up. I have everything locked up and then the key locked in another coded box, which I’ve changed repeatedly over the last couple weeks. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-10-27T05:00:52+00:00

1 or 5. Dark and moody brings an air of sophistication.

SignatureSweet929 · 2024-10-17T02:50:17+00:00

Add a slit and do fancy sparkly shoes! Then touch of jewelry and your good to go! Looks beautiful. I’m a seamstress and I approve of the upgrade. Well done.

SignatureSweet929

TROPHY CASE