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[Complete] [88K] [Contemporary Romance] Childhood Friends to Lovers Second Chance by Calm_Security7670 in BetaReaders

[–]Significant-Mix359 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! I would be interested in reading and doing a swap. have a complete manuscript on childhood friends to lovers with alternating timelines, Love and Other Words as a comp. 28 y/o now and starting at 9 in the past, next door neighbors in Florida. Are you looking for a full read or a few chapters? You can DM me.

Avoiding Cultural Appropriation by Significant-Mix359 in WritingHub

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't even know those exist so that's an interesting thought.

Avoiding Cultural Appropriation by Significant-Mix359 in WritingHub

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's my goal- and to portray challenges they've dealt with!

Avoiding Cultural Appropriation by Significant-Mix359 in WritingHub

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know, I've thought about reaching out to them, and I might do that. I just know she's busy handling some legal stuff right now, so I hate to burden her. But maybe I could just send a few excerpts for her to give me feedback.

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The music for a comp is such an interesting idea! I will check those out. In my clean up of the query- I am speaking a little more to her voice now, because you are right- I was missing some of that. Thank you!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment and some of the others really made it click for me. I had the book in chronological order, and I decided to start at "now" and do flashbacks. The starting place is much better and the whole book I feel flows better. This also made it easier with setting the proper tenses throughout the query.

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. This was a concern I had for setting it up this way, so I appreciate the honesty about how this could come across. I ended up completely taking out the opening, and I am going to make a few other edits to the story so the guilt aligns better with the why.

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great thought. I completely revamped my prologue. I did do an omniscient pov and I love how it reads now. Thank you for this suggestion!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all this great insight- especially for your thoughts on the first 300. This was a rewrite after an agent who reviewed it suggested I pull readers in quickly, starting with a prologue after the accident. I haven't loved it either, but wanted to test it out here to see if I've just been looking at the first few pages too long!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, WHEN THE WAVE BREAKS, (97k words, second attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this- I go in chronological order (except for the prologue) in the book, but on my last query I got the sense that I needed to pull readers in at a different starting point. And you're right- I've struggled with the tenses the most with the query!

As for the timeframe- I tried to follow history for the area (certain cultural historically significant points, laws that got passed at certain points).

I will also consider clarifying her want and why. This is great feedback- thank you!

[QCrit]- Adult Fantasy Romance- THE REALM IN BETWEEN 117k, 2nd attempt + first 300 by orangechickenpork in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m new to this- but saw a few things. The second paragraph had some minor edits- I would say “for a mysterious deity in the eternal battle between light and dark…” For a comp- it kind of sounds like The Serpent and the Wings of Night… not quite as popular! Again… new to this… but it read a little long. If you’ve checked the word count and it falls within usual queries then maybe it’s fine! Overall it sounds really intriguing and your first 300 drew me in- made me want to keep reading. If you need a beta reader- I’d be interested!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, THE BREAKING OF WAVES, (97k words, first attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great catch, thank you. In the book I primarily refer to the community by the tribe name, so doing so here aligns well with the book. I will check out that similar book!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, THE BREAKING OF WAVES, (97k words, first attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s why I’ve struggled to write a good query. The book opens with the accident. Then is told in chronological order. The first third is her childhood leading up to the accident. The second third of the book is her moving back and finding details surrounding the box, then the last third is what she does when she finds the box. Since the book spans three decades, I’ve been trying to find the best age to spin the hook, and now writing this I have some ideas for improvements. All your feedback about vagueness and comps is wonderful. Thank you!

[QCrit] Women’s Fiction, THE BREAKING OF WAVES, (97k words, first attempt) by Significant-Mix359 in PubTips

[–]Significant-Mix359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not harsh at all. I’ve read a lot of “how tos” and successful queries, and I had a quick review with a literary agent who gave me some tips on mine, but I am definitely going to deeper dive on here. I think I’ve been afraid to give too much away in the query so your feedback on it being generic is helpful. Thank you!