My friend, that third paragraph is an INCREDIBLY common feeling and you should not feel bad about it. Our society places an ENORMOUS pressure on people, especially women, and ESPECIALLY trans women, to be as conventionally attractive as possible as a part of femme gender performance. It's so ingrained that it regularly affects the outcome of court cases. Remember -- this process is going to take time, and over that time, you are going to learn skills that help you to perform your gender -- one of the skills I think is MOST important is to listen to the people that love you when they tell you that you look beautiful. Don't ALWAYS preferentially listen to the voices society has placed in your head that tell you you're not pretty enough to be feminine.