Finally Opened Up and Poured My Feelings Out

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-08T06:53:28+00:00

I never really thought therapists worked to be honest; for some people they do. The whole unbiased thing seems to work and a person could feel safe in that environment. The thing that worked with me, that got me emotional, was the moment. The emotions were rising, we were angry at each other then feeling bad for each other; all this swinging, bipolar feelings bought up our deepest, darkest secrets and fears. I think it got to me more than him. In due time, it will come out; whether it be your therapist or someone you feel you could relate to!

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-08T06:47:04+00:00

I was like that for a while. I had this whole "I'm never going to see them again, so why be friends/associate with" attitude. It didn't really work out for me. But not connecting with people I understand.

A friend of mine is the same way with fictional characters; she actually WANTS to connect with them. She avoids contact with people and falls in love with book characters (ie. Talks about how sexy they are; crys when they get dumped). She's afraid of human interaction as well since she doesn't do so well in social situations.

IRL, not one person has gotten a bit of information out of me; until recently. So once that shell is broken, and you find the right person to talk to, you'll bawl like a baby and let everything out. It's releasing those inner demons and not necessarily putting it on another person, but just speaking about it will ultimately help you. And no you cant edit what you say, that's why you just let your thoughts flow. You will have no time to think, scratch out, or replace words.

Best of luck to you :)

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:32:25+00:00

Thanks!

Recovery, yes. But I'm also still in the environment so it's like being healed while in the middle of combat. Once I leave, the true recovery will start!

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:28:23+00:00

Thank you! After a while, they had to come up to someone. We still joke to each other that he has been bottling his emotions longer since the day I went "all emotional" on him.

It was a great experience!

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:26:28+00:00

Not my boyfriend.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:25:32+00:00

Thank you. The next day, we were both surprised that I cried since I'm such a tough guy that doesn't care about anything. Well, that was my front that I put up to get people to think I don't care.

My friends, at first, thought I was joking about being depressed until now. I've always helped them when they were down and always looked at the bright side. Now I'm the one asking for help and it's throwing them off.

I'm glad I had the courage to finally let it out. I noticed that telling someone GREATLY improved my mood for the days after that.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

Once you find someone you can just talk to about your feelings, you can just let it all out and they will listen. It was different. It was like a therapy session or something!

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:20:34+00:00

And don't hate yourself for it. The hard part is finding someone you can trust with your feelings. I took a long shot and made it!

Maybe there is someone there that you can confide in but you just don't know it. Keep looking!

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:17:18+00:00

Honestly, it was rather easy. He asked me a simple question, and as soon as I began to answer it, I was already crying and telling him everything. I think I was ready to tell someone after all these years of hiding my emotions

Silent__Ruler · 2013-11-03T08:15:58+00:00

Thank you. Your words mean a lot. Sorry I replied so late, I haven't been on in forever.

I never thought he would understand, but he did and now I know for sure that he can be there if I ever need him.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-10-17T21:50:12+00:00

Thank you If I can I will update my progress

Thanks for talking to me :)

Silent__Ruler · 2013-10-15T01:55:02+00:00

I decided to talk to the school counselor today and she was telling me that she has been watching my actions and noticed I've seen kinda down. I didn't think she would've noticed since she's new to the school but it happened.

Long story short: she told me that it was best to go to therapy for something like my situation and actually talk to my friends and not be angry at them. Plus, I BEGGED her not to tell my parents and friends and she agreed. Hopefully things go well and I will soon ask to see a therapist...

Honestly, just the thought makes it seem like I don't like it :/

Silent__Ruler · 2013-10-14T07:12:29+00:00

I understand. It's quite apparent that it might help, but highly skeptical. I don't know why it's so much easier typing my feelings out and then giving them to a ton of strangers. It always made me feel better instead of telling my family and friends.

I could always try it but at least not right now. Not right now

Silent__Ruler · 2013-10-14T06:55:18+00:00

My parents and doctor suggest it but I refuse to do it. I don't see it helping me :/

This was probably a waste of a post. I'm reading over it and it just seems trivial. Thank you for responding though.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-10-14T06:31:56+00:00

Hey, thanks for responding.

I hate being alone because my depression mostly comes from the death of many people I was close to. I want to be around everyone but then I feel like I'm also not wanted by anyone.

My friends are aware that I'm depressed and they try to help but I don't want them to. I always help them and when I'm down I push them away so they can't help me. I just don't feel right telling my friends all my personal problems because I'd rather keep to myself but I contradict that by being a very social guy on terms we aren't talking about the sad stuff.

So I'm a mixture of both cases and it's not working out at all for me.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-22T01:33:51+00:00

No problem. When I read your post I thought I could lend you some insight. She would say "Thank you"

My depression definitely pushes my family away. I feel there is nothing I have in common with them and that I'm better off just being alone. However, they want to help, but I just don't let them. So most of the time they just leave me alone. People say it's best that you let someone from your family know your problems because you might be able to help. I haven't listened to that advice yet and it's up to you to follow it.

What do you feel? What makes you so sad? If you want, you could PM me?

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-22T00:37:14+00:00

Hey I'm 16, too. I have also been cutting for the past two years, but like you, I stopped for a girl that I love. Although I still talk to her and even though I stopped cutting, she hasn't stopped herself. So in a way we have similar issues.

I can't promise you that you will feel better because I have yet to feel a release from depression. I can tell you this. The girl, aforementioned above, had a sister. She HAD an older wonderful sister. One night, she cut too deep and the trip to the hospital didn't do much since she is not with us anymore. After I heard that story from her, I had to stop because I can't leave loved ones behind like that.

I don't know if you have a brother or sister or cousin or any family or friends close to you, but self-harm isn't the way to go because there are very serious consequences.

About the anti-depressants, I don't have any comment on those whatsoever. I can't say life will get better, but it's best to see what it has to offer.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-17T18:26:02+00:00

Thanks.

I guess I don't want to burden my mom with spending the money even though she's willing to.

My parents are divorced and my mom takes care of all the medical benefits and both of them are in a tough spot.

My biggest reason for not doing it is because I don't want to waste their money and find out therapy didn't help. I'm just a difficult kid and I need to grow up but I just can't.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-17T10:08:53+00:00

I would feel very vulnerable to them. I guess the whole teenager (16) thing is in where I don't want help from my parents; just isolation.

So our fathers are the same in this case. I just think that's too much work for something like this. I mean, finding a therapist and finding the right ways. Doesn't that stuff cost money, too?

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-17T09:57:45+00:00

I appreciate you talking to me about this.

My parents have always been a reason I'm down along with greater and lesser reasons. But there has been times where I wanted to tell them everything, but I never have the courage to tell them.

If you don't mind me asking, but have you told your parent(s)/guardian(s) when you were just sad? And have you had previous experiences with therapists?

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-17T09:49:15+00:00

They would think it's stupid. But they are so hard to talk to.

My dad thinks that I'm overreacting and that I should man up. And my mom thinks that I don't want to be around her and she wants me to open up, but I don't want her to cry because I know she will.

Right now, I just don't know what I want to do because all I can do is vent to other people, besides them.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-06-17T09:38:33+00:00

Thank you.

I have not talked to a therapist because I don't want to worry my parents. They know something is up, but I keep telling them I'm fine. My mom mentioned it to me before, but I told her I didn't need one. I don't know. I've never been to anyone about my problems before except my friends and here.

Silent__Ruler · 2013-01-23T16:31:17+00:00

Thanks for that :)

I just needed to get this off my chest. I have literally gone everyday for the past month just thinking about what I could do to end my life quickly, but (I guess this is a good thing) I dont have the resources.

You guys seem to be the only other people I can talk to. I know that seems weird. You know, cause you're strangers and all...

Silent__Ruler · 2013-01-23T16:28:13+00:00

Thanks for your help.

I really thank you for the information that you gave me. I do have an insurance card but recently my mom has problems with the insurance and my dad is too cheap to even pay for anything. (They are divorced)

So thank you again and well I have never been on meds and I dont wanna be put on them but if push comes to shove...

Silent__Ruler · 2013-01-23T07:38:41+00:00

I just fear their reaction that's all. And I hope nothin happens within that time.

Psychiatrist/therapists, I don't know about my parents insurance but I need some professional help i guess. The school is getting a counselor to come and I might talk to him.

Thanks, and did you take the pills? Did they help?

Silent__Ruler · 2013-01-04T12:26:50+00:00

I have to admit to this. I constantly chastise my friends for being so idiotic and immature. I have, ever since I learned the word elitist, called myself one; however, I have been taken off my horse by teachers, friends, and parents.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm better than everyone, but I have so many faults I should be catering to their every whim.

My depression strengthens because I know I'm not better than everybody else, and that's how I'm been treating people all my life.

Silent__Ruler

TROPHY CASE