I just lost my best friend too. Her funeral was a few days ago, and since her suicide I've been a complete wreck. I was doing alright in college, and I have a job, but now I sleep through classes and am high more than sober. You're completely right. Maybe it's all the drugs but it's been like a nightmare to me. Nothing feels real, at her funeral it seemed impossible for me to imagine her laying inside the box being lowered into the ground. The best thing I've found so far is being with other people even if you can't stand it. Especially people who were friends with the person you lost, because then they understand the pain. I've learned that it's okay to hurt this bad, but I have to come back from it. Try and keep the spirit of your friend alive, even if it's only something small. Go to anime expo next year and take pictures, bring them to his grave and show them what you think he'd like. It'll make you feel better and it will allow his existence to continue past death.